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Lack of Baby Gift Etiquette: Should I ask if they received the gift?
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Anonymous
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I just found this article from the Emily Post Institute (didn't know there was such a thing!) on gift giving etiquette and thank you note writing. It pertains mainly to weddings but also addresses showers. It says if you're not attending a shower, you don't have to bring a gift. If you've been invited to a wedding, whether you're attending or not, you should send a gift (unless in rare circumstances, like you live hundreds of miles away, haven't spoken in years, etc)-
http://ww11.1800flowers.com/template.do?id=template8&page=4016 |
Anonymous
This is true and makes total sense. But many people will still expect a thank you note anyway! |
Anonymous
Can't you just call and "chat" with your friend(s)? Surely, you would do that regardless of a new baby, right? So, when you do call for a light hearted conversation just sorta weave it into conversation like "It looks like you guys got some snow already, I hope the sleeper I sent you is keeping baby X snug. I know the sleeper always helped my son sleep well..." - some thing to that degree. Or if you are genuinely concerned about your pack arriving just weave that into conversation too. Something like "Just checking in on you guys and hoping you're doing well. I hope baby X is doing well and that he got his little present I sent him awhile back. I can't remember if I put the zip code on the package so I do hop it arrived in a timely manner...." - again something like that. Sometimes you really need to drop hints especially since it's been 5 months without any acknowledgment. |
Anonymous
Thanks for posting this...I'm not the OP, but it confirms what I thought was proper. I agree 100% with the OP. When we got married we had several close friends (and family) who were invited and didn't send a gift. Even some guests who attended the wedding didn't send a gift (and our wedding was a full-out formal affair with a band, open bar, 5 course sit-down dinner, etc). We still laugh about those people just wanting the free meal and booze, especially the locals! And, these were guests who weren't poor college kids...we're talking professionals, attorneys, etc. And we went to their weddings AND sent gifts! People just don't know what's proper anymore. Evidently a lot of people on this board fall into that camp, too! E.g., all the folks posting about how it's OK not to send a thank you for baby gifts. As for the baby gift thank you notes. It shouldn't take 4-5 months to send them. That's just rude. I agree that babies sleep plenty and Mom can jot down "Thanks for the pack n play, we couldn't live without it. Love, Anne, Mark and Baby Heather" That took 30 seconds. |
Anonymous
| Completely agree with PP. It takes no time to write a thank you note. And it makes a huge difference to the gift giver. I don't think people can justify not sending one (unless they thanked the gift giver in person). It's tacky and just plain rude. |
Anonymous
| Isn't there a 1 or 3 month rule? I know it is 3 months for weddings. I think it is completely unreasonable to expect someone to send out a thank you note within a week or two of receiving the gift. I wouldn't have a problem with you following up after a month or so, but a week or two after? I would be offended at your implication that I was being rude. |
Anonymous
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for the non-single moms who claim baby-brain fatigue ...
where is your partner in all of this? the non-birthing, non-nursing parent isn't experiencing the overwhelming swing of hormones and extreme fatigue and stitches healing, etc etc etc. Hand him or her the pen and say, write this. Jeez. |
Anonymous
My husband was working long days, then coming home to help with the baby and to help take care of me after the c-section. He was getting up with me during the night to help with diaper changes. He was cooking dinner, cleaning the dishes, taking care of the bills. He was taking care of everything in our house that suddenly decided to leak, break, explode right after we brought the baby home. Other times, he was taking care of the baby so I could try and get an entire hour of sleep in one sitting. If the only reason you're giving the gift is to get a thank you note, don't give a gift. If you can't understand why a new mom and dad can't write a thank you note immediately, don't give a gift. |
Anonymous
| I think the whole "I have a new baby and therefore don't have time to send a thank you note" thing is an excuse. Maybe not the first week or two, but certainly within the first month once you've started getting your feet on the ground (as I also agree that newborns do sleep a lot...). It's all about priorities. Just like anything else, if it's important enough to you to get thank you notes out in a timely manner, you'll find time to do so. If it's not, you won't. That why I have a pet peeve about how we way overuse the "I don't have time" argument in general in our society as an excuse when I wish we would say more of what we really mean which is "it just wasn't one of my top priorities". In fact, my husband is a pro at it! (And I'm not perfect either.) But I digress. |
Anonymous
I don't think anyone is saying that a new mom/dad needs to send a TY note immediately, are they? I think most people understand that it might take a few weeks or more for new parents to acknowledge a gift. And, I don't think gift givers send something just to get a thank you note. That's ridiculous. But it is nice and respectful to send acknowledgement of some kind when someone goes out of their way for you. I sent a girl I know a really nice baby shower gift 6 months ago and haven't received even a hint of thanks. I know she got it too. All that says to me is she either didn't like the gift, she's rude and/or she wasn't raised well enough to know any better. I actually think it might be all three but particularly the third. Either way as a grown woman, there's no excuse. |
Anonymous
| I'm reminded of a time when a package was delivered to my apartment. It was for the previous occupant of the apartment. I took it to the apartment manager and asked them if they had a forwarding address. No, the did not. There was no return address, just something like "Aunt Judy and Uncle Jim." I called whichever delivery service it came through and they wouldn't help. They said once it's delivered it's out of our hands. I tried finding the address for the intended recipient, but this was before the days of the Internet. My roommate and I had that package in our apartment for weeks. Finally she opened it up and kept the champagne glasses that were obviously someone's wedding gift. I wonder if the Aunt and Uncle are still not speaking to their neice over a thank you note that never went out. |
Anonymous
PP, This is very true and very well put. For some of us, saying thank you is a priority; for others, it's not. I also agree with the PP who said get your partner involved. When I was recovering from childbirth it was hard for me to focus on anything else (esp with a C-Section healing), and I asked DH to please help with writing thank-you notes (I was embarassed that it was taking more than a few weeks to get them out). He wasn't too excited about it, but knew it was important to me. So, we would spend 30 minutes each night (usually while I was nursing) and I would dictate to him what to write. His penmanship wasn't the greatest, but I think it impressed our friends/family to see a man's handwriting...they knew he was helping, and appreciated it even more. The bottom line is that you CAN find time! Yes, having a baby for the first month is like being in a timewarp, but I don't think you can ever be that busy to send a simple thank-you email, or to call and say "thanks for the gift. I am recovering, but a thank you is on the way." |
Anonymous
| Bottom line - if you have time to post on DCUM - then you certainly have time to write a TY note! |
Anonymous
Darn! I feel like I've been busted. |
Anonymous
LOL! 
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