Lack of Baby Gift Etiquette: Should I ask if they received the gift?

[Anonymous]

Original Poster - you need to ask yourself your motivation behind this. Are you truly concerned that she did not receive the gift? Then by all means, please ask her. No one would ever want to pay money for a gift, only to learn much later that it was never delivered. However, are you simply miffed by the breach of etiquette? That's different. Sorry to be so blunt, but do we give gifts to receive a thank-you note back, or do we give gifts because we truly want to give and be helpful? I agree that in a perfect world, we would all send thank-you notes for every act of kindness, and I strive to do this as much as I can (if not via a card, then at least an email or phone call). But life is challenging for everyone these days. A thank-you note is not a requirement. Don't give gifts anymore if you feel that the thank-you note is required, otherwise you will set yourself up for disappointment.

[Anonymous]

I am not the OP, but I agree with her 100%. It's completely rude to not send a thank you in some shape or form (text message, email, phone call, note, etc) within a month or so of receiving a gift. Babies do sleep plenty, and it takes all of 30 seconds to write "thanks for the sleeper, it looks adorable on our little Adam." I was able to finish all my thank-yous within two weeks of receiving the gift, and I had newborn TWINS! No, I am not supermom and I am not asking for sarcastic accolades from anyone...it's just polite. If someone took the time to pick something out, order it, pay for it, ship it, etc., the least I can do is let them know I received it. Even if it's the ugliest thing in the world!

Those new moms responding that it's not necessary, or who are attacking the OP and questioning her motiviations are probably just feeling guilty because they didn't send notes and are now feeling called out on it!

Bottom line. OP, I would just ask. It's quite possibly that something didn't ship properly or got lost in the mail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they just had a baby - if you really intended it as a GIFT, be a little selfless and don't guilt them about not sending thank yous. I think it's fine to ask if they got it if you're worried that they didn't - it's a totally fair question - but be clear that the question isn't a reprimand for lack of etiquette. one of my pet peeves is people who care more about being thanked for their "kind" gesture than anything else, especially when that gesture comes at a time when the recipient of your gift has a million other things on her mind. cut the new mom some slack. she's probably tired.

There is no excuse. Within a month of having a baby - I am sure someone can find 1 minute to send an email/text or even write a card.
I have had 2 babies and was extremely exhausted and found the time to do it when the babies were sleeping. I dont expect anyone to do it immediately but those who never acknowledge it is plain out rude. I agree that there are more ppl now that are not sending TY cards. I am so proud my mother raised me to be polite. I guess at the end of the day - treat those the way you would like to be treated, so if you are one that gets annoyed by it - then dont expect anyone to do kind things for you are to TY for your gifts.

You must have very easy babies. My DD is 4 months and I'm still writing thank you notes! Now, granted, most of those were for gifts sent in the last 2 months. But now that DD is more active and doesn't nap very well or very long (and I do like to shower and try to eat something she's napping because otherwise she demands to be held) I literally don't have a minute until she goes to bed at 9pm. By then I am incoherent. I can't tell you how many notes I've ruined because I try to write them late at night and mess them up. I've given up trying to it at night and do them on the weekends when I can get my DH to watch DD for a little while. PLEASE cut the new mom some slack. I'm sure she feels bad for not sending them yet. I know I do!

I totally hear you - and trust me - I know what it is like and my daughter was colicky to top it off!!! She wanted to be held all the time as well - I guess I just feel like it looms over me knowing I have to do it. But I wasnt saying it has to be a handwritten letter - a quick phone call would totally suffice or an email. You can do that with the baby on your lap. I guess after the 2nd I was already so sleep deprived that it is the norm for me. I also only did a few at a time - not all at once - then they would have never gotten done since my windows were only 1/2 hour long.

[Anonymous]

PP here again - a great idea for those who dont have time but like the idea of sending a card is to just go online and order pre printed cards with the babies picture on it - that way all you have to do is write the address. At least this acknowledges the gift and the gift giver knows you got it. Again this is for the mommies who want to do it but have a newborn and dont have time. This only takes 5 minutes to do online and it is a one time shot. Have your husband stuff the envelopes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here again - a great idea for those who dont have time but like the idea of sending a card is to just go online and order pre printed cards with the babies picture on it - that way all you have to do is write the address. At least this acknowledges the gift and the gift giver knows you got it. Again this is for the mommies who want to do it but have a newborn and dont have time. This only takes 5 minutes to do online and it is a one time shot. Have your husband stuff the envelopes.

This is a great idea! And, you raise a good point, why aren't the partners/husbands helping to write the notes / emails? The gift is for their child, too!

[Anonymous]

I have this issue with my sister and her kids. I don't care about the thank you, but I do like to know they got the gift -- and I email her to that end. "Please let me know when/if Sydney gets her gift, I ordered it today." Do I ever get a response? no.

They seem to think I am hinting for a thank you card, which is nice to get, but I really only care if the gift got there.