Lack of Baby Gift Etiquette: Should I ask if they received the gift?

[Anonymous]

Is it just me, or does it seem like there is an ever-increasing lack of etiquette with respect to sending thank-you letters for baby gifts? I have had several friends give birth in the past 5 months, and made sure to send gifts...but I never received a thank you. The frustrating thing is that I don't know whether the packages got there or not, so I want to make sure the gifts were received.

So...here's my question: Is it wrong / inappropriate to email the gift recipient a few months later and ask them whether they received it?

I've noticed the same thing with wedding gifts. When DH and I got married, several people we invited to the wedding (including close friends and family) didn't even send us so much as a card let alone gift. This includes friends who we sent wedding gifts to. We agreed that a gift wasn't necessary, but a card or friendly email would have been nice.

Whenever we are invited to a wedding we ALWAYS send a gift, even if we cannot make it...but half the time we don't even get a thank you note back. What gives?

Again - question re: whether it's appropriate to follow up with these folks and ask about whether they received it?

[Anonymous]

This is my biggest pet peeve - when someone does not thank you for a gift. I know a lot of ppl who dont write cards but at least a phone call.
I say....if they are so rude as to not acknowledge that you sent a gift, I would definitely ask them if they got it. There is nothing wrong with that, especially if you sent it via mail. One friend sent me a gift and I never got it. She finally asked my and I told her I never received it so she called the company and I got it within a few days and it was the most adorable gift - I am sooooooo happy she asked me bc if she didnt it would have been a lose for both of us. I would wait one month = and then ask them.

[Anonymous]

I personally send thank you notes right away, but I know that some people believe that you have 1 year to send thank you notes. When I got married, a lot of people told me that there was no need to rush for thank you notes b/c I had a full year from the wedding date to send notes. I disagree with that. but I think a lot of people believe that: they think they have 1 year to send a thank you note.

[Anonymous]

they just had a baby - if you really intended it as a GIFT, be a little selfless and don't guilt them about not sending thank yous. I think it's fine to ask if they got it if you're worried that they didn't - it's a totally fair question - but be clear that the question isn't a reprimand for lack of etiquette. one of my pet peeves is people who care more about being thanked for their "kind" gesture than anything else, especially when that gesture comes at a time when the recipient of your gift has a million other things on her mind. cut the new mom some slack. she's probably tired.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP here... to the PP, it's not about cutting slack, it's about being courteous. I don't expect a fancy card or anything, just a simple acknowledgment that it was received. Heck, a quick phone call, text message, or email would suffice..just something to let the sender know it got there. I am a new mom, too, and understand that things get crazy with a baby...but I think it's terrible that people nowadays don't seem to acknowledge the effort that goes into mailing/sending a gift for any occasion. DH and I both are shocked that people don't bother with thank you correspondence for baby gifts, wedding gifts, etc. Maybe we are just old fashioned, but it seems piggy to not acknowledge gifts.

As for the one-year rule...I've never heard of that for thank-you letters. For sending gifts, maybe. I always assumed that gifts should be acknowledged somehow within a month of receipt.

[Anonymous]

I would DEFINITELY ask. One of my friends didn't say a word to me and she is sort of slack about things of this nature. I assumed that was what is was BUT I asked anyway because it was bugging me! Turns-out, she didn't receive it. The baby registry charged me for it, sent a confirmation and everything but never actually shipped it. So, I was able to work it out through the registry and she finally received her gift. If you go at it with that approach--just want to make sure it was actually shipped etc--I think it is perfectly fine....

[Anonymous]

OP - good thing you're more on top of things than other people. Making the world a better place, no doubt. I think cutting a new mom some slack is the best gift you can offer - there's courtesy and then there's the understandable lapse in courtesy. Sometimes it's worth giving folks the benefit of the doubt that they're just doing the best they can, even if you would never slip in that department. And if your friends don't measure up in the thank you note department, and if you really care, you should surround yourself with people who measure up to your standards rather than getting bent out of shape.

There's no harm in asking if someone actually received a gift, but isn't it a little petty to be judging a new mom for gift etiquette?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:they just had a baby - if you really intended it as a GIFT, be a little selfless and don't guilt them about not sending thank yous. I think it's fine to ask if they got it if you're worried that they didn't - it's a totally fair question - but be clear that the question isn't a reprimand for lack of etiquette. one of my pet peeves is people who care more about being thanked for their "kind" gesture than anything else, especially when that gesture comes at a time when the recipient of your gift has a million other things on her mind. cut the new mom some slack. she's probably tired.

There is no excuse. Within a month of having a baby - I am sure someone can find 1 minute to send an email/text or even write a card.
I have had 2 babies and was extremely exhausted and found the time to do it when the babies were sleeping. I dont expect anyone to do it immediately but those who never acknowledge it is plain out rude. I agree that there are more ppl now that are not sending TY cards. I am so proud my mother raised me to be polite. I guess at the end of the day - treat those the way you would like to be treated, so if you are one that gets annoyed by it - then dont expect anyone to do kind things for you are to TY for your gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP here... to the PP, it's not about cutting slack, it's about being courteous. I don't expect a fancy card or anything, just a simple acknowledgment that it was received. Heck, a quick phone call, text message, or email would suffice..just something to let the sender know it got there. I am a new mom, too, and understand that things get crazy with a baby...but I think it's terrible that people nowadays don't seem to acknowledge the effort that goes into mailing/sending a gift for any occasion. DH and I both are shocked that people don't bother with thank you correspondence for baby gifts, wedding gifts, etc. Maybe we are just old fashioned, but it seems piggy to not acknowledge gifts.

As for the one-year rule...I've never heard of that for thank-you letters. For sending gifts, maybe. I always assumed that gifts should be acknowledged somehow within a month of receipt.

I agree with you and go with what you think is right. You are one of the few courteous ppl these days and dont ever let that good etiquette go away - we need more ppl to be kind and appreciative these days.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask to make sure they received it - as others said, sometimes things do get screwed up in shipping and things don't get delivered. I would especially ask if you've spoken with/seen/had email from/gotten texts from the recipients between now and when you sent the gift. Five months is plenty of time for a gift to at least be acknowledged, even if not in a formal thank you note!

As far as gift giving and thank you note etiquette goes in general... I'm with you all the way. I also was raised to believe that you always write thank you notes asap and that you give gifts on important occasions like weddings and the birth of a baby. Like you, though, we have sent plenty of wedding and other gifts without receiving a thank you note.

Wondering about this is not at all about judging or feeling like you're better than others or needing to be thanked for your oh-so-kind effort. It's about common courtesy, which seems to be altogether lacking in most parts of society these days.

[Anonymous]

I think its fine to ask if they got it. As far as thank you notes go, if I say thank you in person or give a cal after I receive a gift, I dont send a card - i dont think its necessary and I tell my friends not to send one to me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely check if they received it. They may not have! I have a friend who told me she was sending us a baby gift, but we still haven't received it. I am worried that she thinks it got here and that I just haven't thanked her, but I also don't want to email her and be like, "Hey, where's my present?!," you know?

[Anonymous]

Definitely ask! I am coming from the other end--one of my friends called and after about 15 minutes of round about conversation, I realized she was wondering if I had gotten "something" in the mail from her. I finally pulled it out of her that it was a baby present and NO, I hadn't gotten it! I am so glad she asked because I wouldn't have wanted her to think I didn't appreciate the thought, at the very least. So ask!

[Anonymous]

I agree that you should ask to make sure they received it, but not in a passive aggressive attempt to extort a thank you.

I dutifully send thank you notes. Weddings, bdays, you name it. But after my son was born, I was sleeping in 45 minutes snatches for three months, and the UPS man was at my door constantly. I was exhausted, and I am sure I missed one or two thank you notes. Although you may have been able to get all your notes out promptly, please be compassionate towards others who may have had a different experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they just had a baby - if you really intended it as a GIFT, be a little selfless and don't guilt them about not sending thank yous. I think it's fine to ask if they got it if you're worried that they didn't - it's a totally fair question - but be clear that the question isn't a reprimand for lack of etiquette. one of my pet peeves is people who care more about being thanked for their "kind" gesture than anything else, especially when that gesture comes at a time when the recipient of your gift has a million other things on her mind. cut the new mom some slack. she's probably tired.

There is no excuse. Within a month of having a baby - I am sure someone can find 1 minute to send an email/text or even write a card.
I have had 2 babies and was extremely exhausted and found the time to do it when the babies were sleeping. I dont expect anyone to do it immediately but those who never acknowledge it is plain out rude. I agree that there are more ppl now that are not sending TY cards. I am so proud my mother raised me to be polite. I guess at the end of the day - treat those the way you would like to be treated, so if you are one that gets annoyed by it - then dont expect anyone to do kind things for you are to TY for your gifts.

You must have very easy babies. My DD is 4 months and I'm still writing thank you notes! Now, granted, most of those were for gifts sent in the last 2 months. But now that DD is more active and doesn't nap very well or very long (and I do like to shower and try to eat something she's napping because otherwise she demands to be held) I literally don't have a minute until she goes to bed at 9pm. By then I am incoherent. I can't tell you how many notes I've ruined because I try to write them late at night and mess them up. I've given up trying to it at night and do them on the weekends when I can get my DH to watch DD for a little while. PLEASE cut the new mom some slack. I'm sure she feels bad for not sending them yet. I know I do!