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Help me with a reality check
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Anonymous
| I had an emergency c-section too and was too drugged up to call anyone (not that my phone even worked in the dead zone that is most hospitals). I asked my friend ahead of time to login to my email account and send a mass email out to everyone w/ baby's name, time of birth, weight etc which she did. My mother called her w/ the details b/c I was too drugged up. Just b/c you also had a c-section doesn't mean you understand what happened to her. Give her a break. |
Anonymous
| If there is one thing that has helped me be a better person to friends and family its this: "always assume best intentions" Or, in this case, _no_ intentions. She just had a baby! I just had my first, and had a super easy time with a section and still didnt call everyone. There are so many ways to be overwhelmed with fear, pain, joy and exhaustion. Just be a good SIL to her. She needs you right now! Be there with your care, wisdom and support. I can tell from your original post you know this and will be a wonderful aunt. And, congratulations! |
Anonymous
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A good friend just had a c-section...after 24 hours of labor, and 3 hours of pushing. During the procedure, she almost went into shock, threw-up repeatedly, and had chest pains. Afterwards, she was in agony because both her pushing muscles and the incision were throbbing. The vomiting continued throughout the day. Then, her intestines shut down and she had to have a CAT scan. Needless to say, anyone who wasn't actually there for the birth didn't get any phone calls for a couple days. It had very little to do with any of us, and everything to do with the ordeal she went through.
Please call your SIL, offer congratulations and support, then let her get off the phone so she can tend to her baby and get some rest. |
Anonymous
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It is about her, and not about you. Please don't let this little incident taint your view of your SIL or baby.
A group email is fine. |
Anonymous
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Yeah, to put it in perspective, in the first 24 hours after giving birth via c-section, I bitched out 3 nurses and cried like nobody's business because they had to redo my I.V. Both of which are completely out of character for me.
So cut her some slack. |
Anonymous
| It is okay to feel slighted, but not okay to act on it in any way. Your SIL is having her OWN experience, which should be respected by anyone who knows and loves her. Would it be nice if she had called? Sure. But, it is not about you. At all. Be happy everyone is healthy and drop off some diapers and a lasagna. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks for all the continuing feedback. DH and I have now talked to SIL, there were tears (me because I'm a sap!) and all is well. I know I was being selfish but sometimes we can't help our feelings in spite of ourselves. PP - believe me, I'd love to "drop off a lasagna" if she didn't live half way across the country. That of course is what makes everything more difficult at times like this. For now we'll see pictures until we can visit early next year! Thanks again. |
Anonymous
| That is good news, OP. Amazon her some diapers! |
Anonymous
I think you answered your own question there. This is not about you or about what you did (or would have done) when you were in her situation. Give your SIL a break, wait for her to call when she's ready, and be sure to give her the love and support that every new mom deserves. Also, I would ignore the PP advice about "playfully" referring to the fact that you and DH did not get a personal phone call. "Playfully" in that context is just another way of saying, "passive-aggressively". Always a bad idea! Congrats to you all on your growing family. Happy times! 
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Anonymous
Oops! Sorry for piling on there. I didn't see OP's last post. Congrats again. I agree that sending diapers is a sweet idea!!
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Anonymous
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I'm wondering if your sadness has anything to do with being so far away. I cried most of the night my far-away sister was in labor, (probably because I was preggers too!), and demanded hourly phone updates from my mom. I wanted to be with her so much! It's totally understandable.
ps--a great tradition in my family is that when anyone has a baby, they get a honey-baked ham delivered. expensive, but feeds the family and assorted guests for a week! |
Anonymous
Agree with this poster. |
Anonymous
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OP, I almost wrote a post last night, but I'm glad I waited. I'm glad you spoke with your SIL and everything is sorted out.
I'm sure the experience was overwhelming for her, especially since it was an unplanned c-section and things may have gotten really intense. Lots of times, people do look at other's actions as it being about them. But really, there is so much going on in everyone's lives, we shouldn't take anything personally. A good friend of mine bitched out another one for not returning her calls, then came to find out the girl had to run out of town for her father's funeral and that's why she wasn't calling back!!!  So we never really know what's going on with someone else, and usually think its about us.
Particularly in this case, some patience and understanding (and thicker skin) is in order. Its a good lesson for all of us, really. |
Anonymous
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OP - I've noticed when there are major life changing events (engagments, weddings, pregnancy/births, funerals, etc.) that people sorta "forget" how they are perceived by others.
This is a perfect case in point. Your SIL sorta re-focused and totally was immersed in the here & now situation of c/s/new baby/motherhood, etc. It ISN'T that she slighted you, but just focused on herself/recovery and the baby...and rightfully so. Don't take it personally that you weren't the first person notified. Your SIL probably assumed that you would've received updates from the "family phone tree". Congrats on being an aunt. |
Anonymous
| Eh, I wouldn't fret. We called our parents right away with the news and they called our siblings. I am close with my siblings, but I was more interested in talking with my best friend. I am sure my Mom was happy to spread the news. |