Ridiculous Gift Policy at DD School

[Anonymous]

A book. A gift card. Hand cream. Starbucks coffee beans. Gourmet hot cocoa. A mouse pad. Mugs. . . .

[Anonymous]

I think it is a good policy. $25 is plenty for a teacher gift and I would appreciate having some guidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dropped off gifts in the teacher lounge yesterday. There was a box on the table that said. Food donations for manna. The teachers were putting all of the cookies and candy in the box to donate. I am glad it wasn't being tossed out, but I will never give cookies again. The teachers don't appreciate it. At least at my dd's school.

It's not that we don't appreciate cookies, truly. But when you get a hundred cookies or more (no joke), it's just too much for one person.

[Anonymous]

I've never spent more than $25 on a teacher's gift. I usually do a gift card.

[Anonymous]

$25 is a lot for me.
For one DC in private school, I contribute $10 to the class gift per teacher (administrator, groundskeeper, etc) - that's $70 total. I gave nothing for the other DC in public school - they will receive a thank you letter at the end of the year.

Affluenza.

[Anonymous]

$25 is a perfectly reasonable gift limit amount. Why would you want to give anything more, OP? It's so uncomfortable to see some parents give outrageously expensive gifts to their teachers - it is simply to show off your own money and gain favors from the teachers. Yuck!

Trust me - my mother was a teacher at a very nice and well known independent school in the NE for many years and sometimes she and her colleagues would receive crazy expensive gifts (Hermes scarfs, gift certificates to the Met, etc.) and it would actually make them uncomfortable. She much preferred the thoughtful card and mug from a child. When a family gave such an elaborate gift it made the gift about the family, not the teacher (i.e. "Look at me! I can afford this so I must appreciate and like you better as a teacher so you need to like my child more!"). It was very off-putting to her and the other teachers when this happened (I attended a few Christmas parties with her colleagues). Don't do it, OP. Also, creativity goes a long way with gifts (and not just for teachers). $25 is plenty to be creative.

[Anonymous]

My school's policy is only handmade/child-made gifts. Other child's school says no gifts over $10. I'm fine with both. My mom is a teacher. She likes the cute ornaments and Starbucks gcs, but the rest of it is too much. It's well intentioned, but if someone gave you several dozen cookies and random assortments of candy this time of year, would you really want it? I truly think a nice letter is the best gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP we used to give something a teacher deserves and would use. A gc to target, nail salon, or a Visa gc. Maybe we will ignore the policy. I feel sorry for the teachers.

Yu could still do any of those with the limit of 25... If all students did gift cards of 25 that adds up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$25 is a perfectly reasonable gift limit amount. Why would you want to give anything more, OP? It's so uncomfortable to see some parents give outrageously expensive gifts to their teachers - it is simply to show off your own money and gain favors from the teachers. Yuck!

Trust me - my mother was a teacher at a very nice and well known independent school in the NE for many years and sometimes she and her colleagues would receive crazy expensive gifts (Hermes scarfs, gift certificates to the Met, etc.) and it would actually make them uncomfortable. She much preferred the thoughtful card and mug from a child. When a family gave such an elaborate gift it made the gift about the family, not the teacher (i.e. "Look at me! I can afford this so I must appreciate and like you better as a teacher so you need to like my child more!"). It was very off-putting to her and the other teachers when this happened (I attended a few Christmas parties with her colleagues). Don't do it, OP. Also, creativity goes a long way with gifts (and not just for teachers). $25 is plenty to be creative.

I would feel the same way if I was a teacher. It really is the thought that counts. Think how much a drawing made especially for that teacher would be appreciated from a younger child.

[Anonymous]

Um, I don't give gifts to teachers to curry favors. That's pretty offensive to imply.

[Anonymous]

The majority of schools in the bigger cities (NY, DC, Boston, LA) have gone to some sort of a monetary limit on gifts and it is something that is seen as a "best practice" for private schools. Basically, parents should not have to feel pressure to compete with other parents in giving fancy gifts; teachers shouldn't be put in a position of feeling obligation to a particular family; and it is not good for a family, teacher, or school if there is a perception (even if totally unfounded) that the child whose family gives spectacular gifts gets special treatment. Lastly, there is the issue of faculty morale/collegiality. This will date me -- and it's funny to me to remember it -- but I taught at a boarding school in the late 1980s and I can remember all the young faculty being terribly jealous when one of the sports teams gave their coach one of them new-fangled VCRs! I got a clipboard that all the kids signed in silver ink -- which I still have, showing it was a much better present than expensive but someday obsolete electronics -- but I do recall that the green-eyed monster of envy reared its head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the heck is wrong with a $25 limit? Anything more looks like you are trying to bribe them.

Are there seriously people out there who think the teachers who educated your kids all year deserve a $25 or less gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$25 is a lot for me.
For one DC in private school, I contribute $10 to the class gift per teacher (administrator, groundskeeper, etc) - that's $70 total. I gave nothing for the other DC in public school - they will receive a thank you letter at the end of the year.

Affluenza.

Why is your DC public school any less appreciated that the private school teacher??? Thats ridiculous...

[Anonymous]

My children go to private school. I donated cookies for the PTA cookie plates (they make plates up for all the staff and ask the parents to donate cookies). Each of my children's teachers got a gift that fit their personality and a $25 gift card. So for one, she had joked earlier in the year about stealing the container I had brought a snack in with. So I bought her a set - I knew she liked it.
I am sure they get very expensive gifts. I am sure some give nothing at all. And I am sure they will treat the children the same - the gifts are just ONE way to show appreciation for what they do.

[Anonymous]

I can see it both ways.

On the one hand, you don't want it becoming obscene, like the Hermes scarves, or the implication that I must appreciate the teacher more than you because we gave $100 and you gave $20. It levels the playing field, so to speak, which I think is good.

On the other hand, our DC is still in preschool and I know how poorly teachers are paid at that level. A teacher had a death in her family earlier this year and the school community took up a collection to help pay funeral expenses. I hate that these people who are so amazing to my child are paid so little. I try to give $50-100 per teacher, not to show off how much we can afford, but because I hope that class and individual gifts can be financially meaningful to those working hourly wages to care for and teach our kids.