I don't know what to do with my second pregnancy...Do I really want this?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am pregnant with a #2 oops. Believe me, I understand your ambivalence. My husband and I thought about it for almost 3 1/2 years and had almost decided not to have anymore when I found out I was pregnant. At 30 weeks, I'm still terrified and kind of filled with dread. And, honestly, I can't say that I feel a bond yet with this baby. It just feels overwhelming right now. I will say, however, that my husband bought a little sweater in in 0-3 month size and it was so damn cute it made me a little excited to meet this baby. Just know, that there is no perfect decision. Whatever you do, there may be some regret - that's life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have sympathy for you. You and DH had just decided that life was good as is and POOF. Preggers.

Whatever decision you make, please do it with DH and possibly counselor. Ending this preg. could have SERIOUS ramifications on your marriage and family, especially if your DH is excited. He could quietly resent you, and you him, chipping away at each other emotionally. It is NOT just your decision to make, it is a COUPLE decision.

Whatever you do, good luck!

Yes, but having the baby could also have serious ramifications. Please stop being so one-sided about this!

DH and I had an oops for #2. After #1, we had some problems and went to a counselor, and we decided to stop at 1 once everything got back under control. We realized having another would place far more strain on us than we could deal with. Then, oops. We decided it was meant to be.

Fast forward three years. Our marriage is in its death throes. I've been to the lawyer, we've both all but given up on counseling (it's actually making things worse!), and I really can't say whether we will stay together or not. We are thinking of separating after the holidays but haven't decided. We are still considering it. It's not the baby's fault, of course. But it did produce all those strains we were afraid of.

You need to make this decision in a very clear eyed way - yes, I will do this, and we will be ok, and I will go to school later - and be sure you mean that. Or, no, we really can't do this.

If you have a good relationship with a counselor already, I would consult her/him. If not, I am not sure I would go to someone new. You never know what agenda they have. One we had a few years ago was bound and determined to get my DH to "man up" by agreeing to be the sole breadwinner. That almost ended our marriage right there. You don't want someone who feels you must have this baby counseling you.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Hi, I am the poster who suggested counseling and I wanted my message to be more "MAKE THE DECISION TOGETHER." I did not mean to infer that aborting would bring more troubles than keeping. It can be great and hard BOTH ways! OP, good luck to you. If you pray, pray on it. If you think, think on it. If you are more of an emotional gal, just listen to yourself, and really try to connect to your DH either way!