Comparing DD to others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are not putting your insecurities onto your daughter. She's going through enough with having her peers flaunt their colleges.

There are so many great schools out their for DD. You should try expending your energies and help her find one.

Maybe this will help you get started.

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/939935-3-0-3-3-gpa-parents-thread-2012-hs-graduation.html

I just posted above and then clicked on this link. I found it myself about a month ago. I think there's a newer one with the same theme, but I didn't bookmark it. But there are a lot of kids/parents in the 3.0-3.3 GPA range...and it's not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Please take care and try not to show these feelings in front of your DD. She can persevere and be a successful person by many measures. My mom is a little like you and was when I went to a state school and still mentions when a friends kid went to an Ivy etc and judges people with non standard career choices. This makes me sad and withdrawn from her and much less likely to share about myself. As a result he doesnt know the extent of my volunteer and community involvement somce she never though it was important. Success can be measured in so many ways besides educational achievement, reaching career achievements etc. support your kid in her choices, help her make wise ones and she will appreciate it later and it'll come back to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it makes you feel any better:

My DD was the only one of her circle of 5 close friends who went to a state school. Others went to Ivy and other pretty selective schools like MIT. Well, guess what, they all graduated last year and she's the only who was able to find a job. And a good job. She lives on her own, she's responsible. Those other kids moved home and are working odd jobs or are trying to get into grad schools. So much "Oh, my kid went to Brown."

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain. My DD's GPA sucked for Sophomore year and mediocre for junior year. Luckily her attitude changed at the middle of junior year and started to work hard. Her overall GPA is still much lower than her true ability, but all her testing scores were superior (1-2% at the top). She got admitted by her safety school now (rolling decision) and we are very relieved.

[Anonymous]

I think most kids underperform according to their potential. There are too many distractions and very few high achieving American kids want to work until it hurts. Unfortunately, kids in other countries will do whatever it takes.

Maybe your DD is depressed OP. Did you figure out why her grades dropped so much? Did she break up with someone or lose a good friend? Or, is she just burned out/tired?

It is what it is. If your dd hasn't performed well, she'll end up at a "so-so" college. She might get more motivated later and get herself together. Good luck. It sounds sad to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if it makes you feel any better:

My DD was the only one of her circle of 5 close friends who went to a state school. Others went to Ivy and other pretty selective schools like MIT. Well, guess what, they all graduated last year and she's the only who was able to find a job. And a good job. She lives on her own, she's responsible. Those other kids moved home and are working odd jobs or are trying to get into grad schools. So much "Oh, my kid went to Brown."

???? You don't say whether your kid majored in finance while the other kids majored in philosophy. And how about the quality of the profs? And whether your kid is self-motivated or maybe not so much, like OP's kid. So much relevant info is missing from this post.

I'm getting tired of all these "Ivy kids are mentally ill and anyway they are useless in the workplace" posts. Is it all the same poster? As I look at colleges for DS, I guess I'll bear in mind that some of you non-Ivy parents have really bad cases of sour grapes.

[Anonymous]

I was very similar to your daughter. I went to TJ, got frustrated, lost my drive, started hanging with a crowd that partied too much, etc. My parents let me find my own way out of the mess I'd created and I'm pretty darn successful today. And happy. It's gonna be an uphill battle, but your daughter will find her way back.

I'm sure my eff-ups just about killed my parents, so I have a sense of what you're going through and I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I was very similar to your daughter. I went to TJ, got frustrated, lost my drive, started hanging with a crowd that partied too much, etc. My parents let me find my own way out of the mess I'd created and I'm pretty darn successful today. And happy. It's gonna be an uphill battle, but your daughter will find her way back.

I'm sure my eff-ups just about killed my parents, so I have a sense of what you're going through and I'm sorry.

Not OP, but thank you for posting this. It sounds like you are a very insightful young person and not that unusual in your burnout, btw. Kudos to you for finding your way back to where you wanted to be and having the maturity and sensitivity to realize how your parents must have felt. And kudos to your parents for letting you find your own way out of your "mess," as you described it. Too few parents in this area seem willing to allow kids to do that -- though it's an essential part of growing up. I'm sorry for the pain you must have experienced, but it sounds like the lessons you learned are already serving you well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was very similar to your daughter. I went to TJ, got frustrated, lost my drive, started hanging with a crowd that partied too much, etc. My parents let me find my own way out of the mess I'd created and I'm pretty darn successful today. And happy. It's gonna be an uphill battle, but your daughter will find her way back.

I'm sure my eff-ups just about killed my parents, so I have a sense of what you're going through and I'm sorry.

Not OP, but thank you for posting this. It sounds like you are a very insightful young person and not that unusual in your burnout, btw. Kudos to you for finding your way back to where you wanted to be and having the maturity and sensitivity to realize how your parents must have felt. And kudos to your parents for letting you find your own way out of your "mess," as you described it. Too few parents in this area seem willing to allow kids to do that -- though it's an essential part of growing up. I'm sorry for the pain you must have experienced, but it sounds like the lessons you learned are already serving you well.

Thank you so much . It was weirdly therapeutic to write that paragraph. This area is full of crazy pressures and it's hard to remember that life is long and there are actually a lot chances to take a mulligan and try again. I hope my parents will get over the PTSD someday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was very similar to your daughter. I went to TJ, got frustrated, lost my drive, started hanging with a crowd that partied too much, etc. My parents let me find my own way out of the mess I'd created and I'm pretty darn successful today. And happy. It's gonna be an uphill battle, but your daughter will find her way back.

I'm sure my eff-ups just about killed my parents, so I have a sense of what you're going through and I'm sorry.

Not OP, but thank you for posting this. It sounds like you are a very insightful young person and not that unusual in your burnout, btw. Kudos to you for finding your way back to where you wanted to be and having the maturity and sensitivity to realize how your parents must have felt. And kudos to your parents for letting you find your own way out of your "mess," as you described it. Too few parents in this area seem willing to allow kids to do that -- though it's an essential part of growing up. I'm sorry for the pain you must have experienced, but it sounds like the lessons you learned are already serving you well.

Thank you so much . It was weirdly therapeutic to write that paragraph. This area is full of crazy pressures and it's hard to remember that life is long and there are actually a lot chances to take a mulligan and try again. I hope my parents will get over the PTSD someday!

NP here. Another vote of thanks! I'm curious, how exactly did your parents handle it? Did they have a completely hands-off approach, did they yell or make you feel guilty, or something else? I ask as a parent....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was very similar to your daughter. I went to TJ, got frustrated, lost my drive, started hanging with a crowd that partied too much, etc. My parents let me find my own way out of the mess I'd created and I'm pretty darn successful today. And happy. It's gonna be an uphill battle, but your daughter will find her way back.

I'm sure my eff-ups just about killed my parents, so I have a sense of what you're going through and I'm sorry.

Not OP, but thank you for posting this. It sounds like you are a very insightful young person and not that unusual in your burnout, btw. Kudos to you for finding your way back to where you wanted to be and having the maturity and sensitivity to realize how your parents must have felt. And kudos to your parents for letting you find your own way out of your "mess," as you described it. Too few parents in this area seem willing to allow kids to do that -- though it's an essential part of growing up. I'm sorry for the pain you must have experienced, but it sounds like the lessons you learned are already serving you well.

Thank you so much . It was weirdly therapeutic to write that paragraph. This area is full of crazy pressures and it's hard to remember that life is long and there are actually a lot chances to take a mulligan and try again. I hope my parents will get over the PTSD someday!

NP here. Another vote of thanks! I'm curious, how exactly did your parents handle it? Did they have a completely hands-off approach, did they yell or make you feel guilty, or something else? I ask as a parent....

Gosh, it's hard to describe...I think I would say that they backed off but were never closed off? I know that I had to be the one who asked for help once I had so thoroughly wasted everything they gave me opportunity-wise. It was up to me to find colleges that were willing to take a bet on a kid with great SATs and lousy grades (like Ds and Cs and a couple Fs, truly awful), but after I rocked my first year at a lower-ranked state school I asked for help in figuring out the transfer process and my mom was there every step of the way. I ended up at a pretty decent school and no one cared about high school after that. I'm sure they were incredibly angry and hurt, but I never doubted that they loved me and believed that I could do better. How they wrote that love and faith on my bones I don't know, but I'm trying to do the same with my own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Gosh, it's hard to describe...I think I would say that they backed off but were never closed off? I know that I had to be the one who asked for help once I had so thoroughly wasted everything they gave me opportunity-wise. It was up to me to find colleges that were willing to take a bet on a kid with great SATs and lousy grades (like Ds and Cs and a couple Fs, truly awful), but after I rocked my first year at a lower-ranked state school I asked for help in figuring out the transfer process and my mom was there every step of the way. I ended up at a pretty decent school and no one cared about high school after that. I'm sure they were incredibly angry and hurt, but I never doubted that they loved me and believed that I could do better. How they wrote that love and faith on my bones I don't know, but I'm trying to do the same with my own kids.

Thanks, PP! As a parent, it's very hard to know how to balance expectations and lessons about work ethic with the dreaded helicoptering!

[Anonymous]

When the standard we use to see how well off we are is not the intrinsic worth of our own well-being but how it compares with that of others, we are doomed to unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

Our school system (FCPS) is pretty good at letting a kid know what they're not good at ~ giving out substantial numbers of D's to students who are conscientious but not gifted in the subject matter. A C is often a very respectable grade. College admissions be damned, I'm afraid seemed to be their approach.

[Anonymous]

^ I find the most frustrating issue is very inconsistent grading. It can vary widely depending on the teacher. Your daughter may also be suffering from some bad luck with placement.