Would you be upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my husband to go. I'm capable of being sick and taking care of the kids for a few hours.

Yes, and I wouldn't need my mother to come over. Who does that?

I was 12 when my mom died. She was sick for some years, so we grew up adapting to learning how to function independently, at a young age. It really weirds me out when adults call on their parents for "help." On the one hand, I know that one person's challenges shouldn't be measured up against another's. On the other hand, grownups shouldn't be relying on their parents when they're sick (unless it's like a serious life threatening illness). It should be the other way around.

I'm totally baffled by my 30, 40 year old friends that still ask for their parents, often elderly-ish, to help them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends. Is going to this party kind of necessary for networking/shmoozing?

My Dh's work has what we refer to as "forced fun" where they go do something social (few hours in a bar, golf, etc) and it is pretty much mandatory. Unless they were literally calling in a priest for last rites, wife being "sick" would not get you out of "forced fun."

+1 Always good to hear that there are other workplaces like DH's. The only thing more unseemly than trying to ditch a fun event would be to actually try to use "my wife is sick" as a reason. This also applies to "my wife is in labor." Wife needs to be dying.

It sucks to be sick, OP, and I'm flying solo most of the time, so I get it. But unless he's going out drinking for fun (which is a dick move), he probably doesn't have much of a choice.

[Anonymous]

One less person to worry about. You should be able to care for two children if you are sick. You probably should not have asked your mother for help if it stresses you. That will delay your recovery.

[Anonymous]

I would be upset, but men are men and sometimes men do men things and this is one of them.

In a man's mind, he most likely assumed since your mother was coming over to help, you would be taken care of thus giving him a free pass to go to his work party.
I am surely not excusing his behavior by any means OP, but this way of thinking is how men are wired to think and us women must be prepared to deal w/it from time to time.

I would let him know how upset I am and hopefully he will make it up to you when you get better. He can take you out for a nice dinner, clean the house for you, or cook dinner every night for a week.

That would make up for being so clueless. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One less person to worry about. You should be able to care for two children if you are sick. You probably should not have asked your mother for help if it stresses you. That will delay your recovery.

This statement was either written by a man or a child...Because it makes no sense. To anyone who has kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One less person to worry about. You should be able to care for two children if you are sick. You probably should not have asked your mother for help if it stresses you. That will delay your recovery.

This statement was either written by a man or a child...Because it makes no sense. To anyone who has kids.

or a normal adult. Some of us are capable of taking care of more than ourselves, even if sick

[Anonymous]

Depends how self sufficient kids are. Toddlers? Yes, I'd be upset. Able to let you lay down / take care of themselves? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One less person to worry about. You should be able to care for two children if you are sick. You probably should not have asked your mother for help if it stresses you. That will delay your recovery.

This statement was either written by a man or a child...Because it makes no sense. To anyone who has kids.

or a normal adult. Some of us are capable of taking care of more than ourselves, even if sick

Awesome. I will remind my husband of this the next time he and DD are sick and I have something I'd rather do than take care of them. I will remind him that even though he is puking and has a fever, he must care for the sick child, or else he is not a normal adult.

OP, yes, I would be upset but there are at least a few cases where he probably does not have a choice (PP cited "forced fun" as an example and I agree as I also work one of those places).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One less person to worry about. You should be able to care for two children if you are sick. You probably should not have asked your mother for help if it stresses you. That will delay your recovery.

This statement was either written by a man or a child...Because it makes no sense. To anyone who has kids.

or a normal adult. Some of us are capable of taking care of more than ourselves, even if sick

Awesome. I will remind my husband of this the next time he and DD are sick and I have something I'd rather do than take care of them. I will remind him that even though he is puking and has a fever, he must care for the sick child, or else he is not a normal adult.

OP, yes, I would be upset but there are at least a few cases where he probably does not have a choice (PP cited "forced fun" as an example and I agree as I also work one of those places).

you are an idiotic drama queen-the entire post went over your head...her husband has a work event, she cannot take care of herself and a sick baby for a couple hours? But yes, next time you have a sick child go get your nails done idiot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One less person to worry about. You should be able to care for two children if you are sick. You probably should not have asked your mother for help if it stresses you. That will delay your recovery.

This statement was either written by a man or a child...Because it makes no sense. To anyone who has kids.

or a normal adult. Some of us are capable of taking care of more than ourselves, even if sick

Awesome. I will remind my husband of this the next time he and DD are sick and I have something I'd rather do than take care of them. I will remind him that even though he is puking and has a fever, he must care for the sick child, or else he is not a normal adult.

OP, yes, I would be upset but there are at least a few cases where he probably does not have a choice (PP cited "forced fun" as an example and I agree as I also work one of those places).

you are an idiotic drama queen-the entire post went over your head...her husband has a work event, she cannot take care of herself and a sick baby for a couple hours? But yes, next time you have a sick child go get your nails done idiot

The OP says:

1. she is so sick she cannot get out of bed.
2. her sick child is a high maintenance infant.
3. her well child is 4 years old.
4. she had to ask her mother to come during the day because she was too sick to manage while her husband was at work.

It would depend, for me, on what kind of party this was. Annual holiday party? Sorry. You skip it because your baby and wife are very ill. Networking event with clients? You go, but you stay for a short time and then excuse yourself. But by all means expect a bedridden woman to care for a 4 year old and a sick infant on her own while her husband drinks beers with his boss.

Who's the idiotic drama queen in this picture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my husband to go. I'm capable of being sick and taking care of the kids for a few hours.

Yes, and I wouldn't need my mother to come over. Who does that?

I was 12 when my mom died. She was sick for some years, so we grew up adapting to learning how to function independently, at a young age. It really weirds me out when adults call on their parents for "help." On the one hand, I know that one person's challenges shouldn't be measured up against another's. On the other hand, grownups shouldn't be relying on their parents when they're sick (unless it's like a serious life threatening illness). It should be the other way around.

I'm totally baffled by my 30, 40 year old friends that still ask for their parents, often elderly-ish, to help them out.

PP, I am sorry for your loss. I was just diagnosed with breast cancer and have a 12 year old so while I try to be optimistic on my prognosis these posts are very helpful. To answer the OPs question, if I had help and he was not out super late, I would be ok with DH attending the party.

[Anonymous]

Well in my case my mother actually *would* be helpful. Are you sure he realizes that she isn't that helpful to you?

But yes I would be hurt and angry if he left me alone puking up my guts with two little (sick) kids to watch as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my husband to go. I'm capable of being sick and taking care of the kids for a few hours.

Yes, and I wouldn't need my mother to come over. Who does that?

Turn it around. If you lived near your daughter and she was sick with two little kids to take care of (one of whom was sick as well), wouldn't you want to go help her out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my husband to go. I'm capable of being sick and taking care of the kids for a few hours.

Yes, and I wouldn't need my mother to come over. Who does that?

I was 12 when my mom died. She was sick for some years, so we grew up adapting to learning how to function independently, at a young age. It really weirds me out when adults call on their parents for "help." On the one hand, I know that one person's challenges shouldn't be measured up against another's. On the other hand, grownups shouldn't be relying on their parents when they're sick (unless it's like a serious life threatening illness). It should be the other way around.

I'm totally baffled by my 30, 40 year old friends that still ask for their parents, often elderly-ish, to help them out.

+1000 A few people in my department at work are "local" (with extended family nearby) and extremely dependent on elderly parents for all kinds of favors. When flu season comes, some of them even have their parents sleep over to tend to their sick families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my husband to go. I'm capable of being sick and taking care of the kids for a few hours.

Yes, and I wouldn't need my mother to come over. Who does that?

Turn it around. If you lived near your daughter and she was sick with two little kids to take care of (one of whom was sick as well), wouldn't you want to go help her out?

I would not want to expose my elderly mother to the stomach flu.