googling before a date...etiquette?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think googling people - whether dates, prospective boss/client/employee, etc - has become a part of our society and social behavior and relations, and shouldn't be judged as abnormal. Everyone does it.

Agreed. Don't know what the big deal is, just google away. Give the person a chance to explain themselves of course, and listen to your instinct on whether you buy their explanation. If someone is put off by your googling then they are silly. They should be flattered that you looked them up, even if the have bad stuff. If they have bad stuff they need to come to terms with their past and not be all pissy that its out there - a sign of immaturity.

+1 I would absolutely google a date. And I would expect them to google me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think google/data companies like spokeo, mylife, facebook, twitter, linkedin, etc. have ruined some aspects of dating..the mystery, intrigue...these days you go into the first couple dates with knowing so much about someone even if you barely have spoken to them. It's all a bit odd.

Looked at another way, dating people we know nothing about is a pretty recent phenomenon, historically speaking. How did your grandparents meet? Great-grandparents? Probably most often through mutual acquaintances--who would have known lots about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think google/data companies like spokeo, mylife, facebook, twitter, linkedin, etc. have ruined some aspects of dating..the mystery, intrigue...these days you go into the first couple dates with knowing so much about someone even if you barely have spoken to them. It's all a bit odd.

Looked at another way, dating people we know nothing about is a pretty recent phenomenon, historically speaking. How did your grandparents meet? Great-grandparents? Probably most often through mutual acquaintances--who would have known lots about them.

fair enough. I guess our parents (or gp's in some cases) were the first generation of dating 'unkowns'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you did nothing wrong by running his name through google. Although I personally don't like to do that before a first date, this is the age of information and everyone should assume that their potential dates will see whatever information is posted publicly about them on the internet.

In your position, the arrest for pot would mean nothing to me (I also support full legalization) but multiple DUIs would be a big red flag. I'd want to look at how many there were, in what kind of succession (3 in 3 months? maybe it was a dark time in his life, I'd go on the date. But 3 in 3 years? That shows consistent problems with alcohol/safety/decision making and I'd probably not.), and how long ago the most recent arrest was. If it was 4-5+ years past, I'd go on the date. I wouldn't bring up the google results but I'd steer the conversation in such a way as to try and ascertain his current drinking habits (IMO someone with multiple DUIs should be abstaining almost entirely from alcohol, exceptions made for a single drink at a wedding, for example). I'd use my impression from that conversation to determine whether or not this was a deal breaker or not, and if it was, I would be honest about it with him at that point.

This is really good advice. prodding the convo in a way to see their response is a good method.