Is this the new dating normal???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal on sites like POF. Match.com wasn't like that for me....

This! My first online experience was on POF and the guys were all terrible. It was so discouraging that I deleted my profile in less than 2 weeks. A good friend convinced me to try Match and I met the best guy. The guys on there seemed more serious about an actual relationship. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

What is pof?

[Anonymous]

I am on ok Cupid. Guys always ask for dates - drinks or dinner or movies, and usually pay for the first if not first few. I am not sure why you are experiencing this. I do agree with less contact before meeting. I don't give my phone number before I meet them. I don't need to be texting a guy before we meet. If there is chemistry, we can communicate more after.

That might sound too serious - I'm actually a very laid back and fun person. But I think there's a certain way to do it to be successful. There should still be some air of mystery when you meet them, which is gone if you talk too much before .

[Anonymous]

POF is plenty of fish, another site.

Most recent PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chat online, then text back and forth.
Then talk on the phone.

Then they want to come over to have sex with you?

It seems to be my new normal. No one wants to meet publicly for drinks or coffee date anymore.

I don't think I am giving off a vibe that I'm easy...

You are not supposed to be texting that much or talking on the phone except to set up a date.

[Anonymous]

NO NO NO!! This is not the "new" normal OP. This is not acceptable behavior by any means and if someone is assuming they can come over for sex, then you need to cease ALL contact w/that person immediately. ASAP.

First of all, what website are you using to meet these creepy people? Also, I sure hope you are not giving complete strangers your address over the internet.

I say if you truly want to meet someone, stick to your guns. If a man doesn't want to meet up for coffee or drinks and just wants to cut to the chase, then I would cut him off immediately.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens to me all the time. It's so frustrating. I've had guys get mad at me and yell when I insist on a coffee date first. They all refuse. They only want sex. I've been called one of those girls. Um what ? Ya I'm not a slut. Don't give in op they just want to use you.

This is the down side to the sexual revolution. Women want the freedom to screw whomever, whenever, but they also want respect. One can't disrespect one's self, then expect to command respect.

Women like you, ones to DO respect themselves, pay the price for this. My only advice it to hang tight to your convictions, and relish in the knowledge that good men gravitate to good women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, stop being lazy and get out and meet people in person. What is it about you or your appearance that you don't feel comfortable getting out?

Assholes like you?

OMG, I love you PP. EXCELLENT response!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happens to me all the time. It's so frustrating. I've had guys get mad at me and yell when I insist on a coffee date first. They all refuse. They only want sex. I've been called one of those girls. Um what ? Ya I'm not a slut. Don't give in op they just want to use you.

This is the down side to the sexual revolution. Women want the freedom to screw whomever, whenever, but they also want respect. One can't disrespect one's self, then expect to command respect.

Women like you, ones to DO respect themselves, pay the price for this. My only advice it to hang tight to your convictions, and relish in the knowledge that good men gravitate to good women.

So, if we've had sex, we've disrespected ourselves?

Your post sounds like a woman's value is directly tied to her sexual history. There's a good reason that idea fell out of favor: it's morally bankrupt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happens to me all the time. It's so frustrating. I've had guys get mad at me and yell when I insist on a coffee date first. They all refuse. They only want sex. I've been called one of those girls. Um what ? Ya I'm not a slut. Don't give in op they just want to use you.

This is the down side to the sexual revolution. Women want the freedom to screw whomever, whenever, but they also want respect. One can't disrespect one's self, then expect to command respect.

Women like you, ones to DO respect themselves, pay the price for this. My only advice it to hang tight to your convictions, and relish in the knowledge that good men gravitate to good women.

This is a horrible response.

Might just as well say, "this is the downside to dating males". Would be just as rational and fact-based.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your problem is you're messaging-texting- calling, the process is too drawn out and only attracts lazy guys. I chat for a day or two than immediately request a casual coffee meeting. Use the chat to screen a little, make sure they aren't too sexual, rude etc.

I use online sites just to connect me with people I wouldn't have the chance to meet otherwise. I don't spend my time getting to know them online, I want to meet immediately and get a sense of who they are in person. I figure if you're to hesitant to meet me in person it's never going to work. I'm an outgoing gal and don't need someone who is insecure, shy etc.

You may meet a few weirdos but I see it as a positive, I learn exactly what I want and don't. I like meeting people in general so maybe my method isn't for anyone.

I'm sure things have changed since I met my now DH online 8 yrs ago, but one thing that has NOT changed is that if I were dating today, the approach you suggest PP would NOT work for me. My time is too precious and I was talking to too many people back then to switch quickly to "Let's have coffee". Even 8 yrs ago a lot of guys wanted to meet me right off the bat, and I said no, I wanted to be sure they were worth the time and effort of meeting up.

That approach worked well for me, and the one time I allowed a guy to talk me into meeting him soon after we started writing each other, I immediately regretted it (he was gorgeous, but I knew he was nuts before his butt hit the chair at the cafe).

So OP, I think it really depends on your personality. Evidently PPs approach worked for her, but it would not at all have worked for me. I wanted more time online to feel people out before meeting them, and I tried to only meet guys who it seemed that, if nothing else, I'd have an interesting conversation and enjoy the evening even if there was no spark whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Try and meet men IRL to begin with. There are less false starts.

Getting in a chat room with a person you do not know is the beginning of the decline. You have engaged without even knowing if you like them at all. IMHO

[Anonymous]

Im a pretty aggreesive guy and id never assume sex first meeting without coffee or drinks first.