Tux vs. Mess Dress

[Anonymous]

Tux. Civilian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He earned it, his choice.

BTW it will totally fit in in Washington. The attention will be positive; he's earned that too.

But maybe it's her event and not about him.

OK, fair point. And yes, I'm a civilian. And if this wasn't a military question, but a civilian husband's choice between this and that, I'd totally agree with "her event, she chooses."
But I'd have a tough time telling an officer he can't wear a formal uniform to a formal event, when it's an accepted thing to do both in the military and in the culture of Washington. Then again, I'm not married to one.

While there's some merit to the "her event, it's not about him" view, I think he also has a point in questioning how she feels about him, his service, and his career, and whether she wants those in her life to know about it. I suppose every couple's different, but they need to work this out between them and it's a bigger question than one Christmas party.

I also suppose I could just butt out, but OP asked. My $0.02.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who are pro mess dress, are you military spouses or civilians?

Before I married into the military, or in the very early years of our marriage, I would have said mess dress, without a doubt.

After years of being a military spouse, my answer is firmly tux, since that is what OP wants. I would also say tux if I was in the same situation.

I believe all of my military spouse friends would also say tux over mess dress, but my sisters and non military friends would say mess dress, very enthusiastically.

22 yr AF wife, 11 yr Navy officer here.

If he wants mess dress, he should wear it, unless she knows something about her work environment that would be hostile toward it.
He's a big boy and should be allowed to dress himself.

FWIW, my DH is always trying to convince ME to wear the mess dress for formal events. No way - it's ugly, don't own one, not spending money on that! I'd much rather wear a nice gown or cocktail dress. My body, my choice. His body, his choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and i are having a disagreement about what he should wesr to my company's Christmas party. It is a formal event. I have been working there for about six months and i am so excited to go. The problem is that my DH, a U.S. Army captain, wants to wear his formal mess dress. I am arguing that since the event is not military related he should wear a civilian tux.

He says that i am not proud of him if i do not want to be seen in public with him in uniform. I've explained i am just more comfortable with him in a civilian tux at a civilian event than in an Army uniform, no matter how good he looks.

What say you?

He should wear what you ask him to wear. It's your event. You would wear what he asked you at his event. That is the rule. Period.

+1

Seriously? Both of your husbands are allowed to specify what you wear to events they invite you to? Yeah right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and i are having a disagreement about what he should wesr to my company's Christmas party. It is a formal event. I have been working there for about six months and i am so excited to go. The problem is that my DH, a U.S. Army captain, wants to wear his formal mess dress. I am arguing that since the event is not military related he should wear a civilian tux.

He says that i am not proud of him if i do not want to be seen in public with him in uniform. I've explained i am just more comfortable with him in a civilian tux at a civilian event than in an Army uniform, no matter how good he looks.

What say you?

He should wear what you ask him to wear. It's your event. You would wear what he asked you at his event. That is the rule. Period.

+1

Seriously? Both of your husbands are allowed to specify what you wear to events they invite you to? Yeah right.

Actually, if you are a military spouse the answer is yes.

Want to wear a sexy cocktail dress to the awards banquet? Nope. A pantsuit to the mil ball? No again. Nice jeans and a sweater to your husband's change of command or promotion ceremony? No again.

The military has so much protocol that dictates what, how and where spouses dress for various events and ceremonies. So yes, the active duty member and service traditions dictate what a spouse or date wears to events they are invited to. I am sure OP has played along like a nice spouse for countless events over the years.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are retired military. As in both of us were active duty.
I say tux. The event isn't about him or his service. And it may bring an unwanted spotlight on the couple. Yes, the attention will be "positive", but a lot of people don't want to be on display. If he wears the uniform to a civilian event, they will be on display.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and i are having a disagreement about what he should wesr to my company's Christmas party. It is a formal event. I have been working there for about six months and i am so excited to go. The problem is that my DH, a U.S. Army captain, wants to wear his formal mess dress. I am arguing that since the event is not military related he should wear a civilian tux.

He says that i am not proud of him if i do not want to be seen in public with him in uniform. I've explained i am just more comfortable with him in a civilian tux at a civilian event than in an Army uniform, no matter how good he looks.

What say you?

He should wear what you ask him to wear. It's your event. You would wear what he asked you at his event. That is the rule. Period.

+1

Seriously? Both of your husbands are allowed to specify what you wear to events they invite you to? Yeah right.

Actually, if you are a military spouse the answer is yes.

Want to wear a sexy cocktail dress to the awards banquet? Nope. A pantsuit to the mil ball? No again. Nice jeans and a sweater to your husband's change of command or promotion ceremony? No again.

The military has so much protocol that dictates what, how and where spouses dress for various events and ceremonies. So yes, the active duty member and service traditions dictate what a spouse or date wears to events they are invited to. I am sure OP has played along like a nice spouse for countless events over the years.

+1 Absolutely agree.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I hate when my husband tries to dictate what I wear (unless asked, "do you prefer the red or the black?"). What he wears is always up to him.

[DS63]

Mess dress is considered formal attire. If OP's DH is active duty, be proud, and wear the mess dress.

[Anonymous]

How many more years will he be in the service? If he's nearing the end I say let him wear the Mess Dress. There will be more formal events after he retires at which he can wear a tux

[Anonymous]

I never go there, not with DH, not with my children. They wear what they want to wear. If your DH is in the military and wants to wear his uniform, let him. Do not insist on a tux.

I can see arguments on both sides, but if he feels strongly about wearing his uniform, let it go. Focus on what you're wearing and you'll be a stunning couple! No military in my family, but I always think men look great in dress uniforms!

[Anonymous]

As a civilian who doesn't really "get" military culture...he COULD wear it; I'm not going to judge. But I never understand when people wear their uniform to non military events. Cops don't wear their uniforms everywhere, nurses don't wear scrubs everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Mess Dress

[Anonymous]

mess dress. he'll look great.