Mischievous 12 month old - too early for discipline?

[Anonymous]

Discipline (which is very different from punishment) should start at a very early age. Discipline is training to act in accordance with rules and we were disciplining well before 12 months. That is how they start to learn right from wrong, and by 12 months my kids were definitely doing things intentionally that they knew they shouldn't or to see how we would react. They are learning all the time at that age and responding with discipline helps guide that learning.

[Anonymous]

... Really? What kind of discipline do you have in mind op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... Really? What kind of discipline do you have in mind op?

According to her post, what she has in mind is a two minute time out in the Pack n Play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it is too early. She's a baby. Redirect.

This. You need to redirect now. She can't understand discipline. It's WAY too early.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally sympathize because my DS was doing the exact same thing at that age, thinking it was funny.

The most important things are to remain calm and loving and to be consistent. If she isn't allow to stand on the coffee table once, she isn't ever allowed to do it (sorry, can't think of better example). She is testing but not in a mischievous way so much as a learning way -- she wants to know that things are routine, rules are always rules, and she wants to learn what these rules are.

The most useful thing I heard from a teacher at a class we were taking was to think of these instances as your child asking for help and information, not "testing" you or trying to be bad. Sometimes it's really frustrating, but I think it helps to think of it as a "teachable moment" rather than a moment for punishment or even discipline.

You ask a good question about not giving attention if you have to stop her. It's okay to tell her "no," but try to do so in a calm, relaxed manner. Our DS would think it was funny if my DH raised his voice and asked upset. If we said it more calmly and quietly, it wasn't so interesting to him.

Redirecting is the best thing to do at this age. If she goes over to hit the glass door with her toy car (happens a lot in our house), you can tell her "no hitting the glass" and calmly move her to another activity. Here she is learning that this is something she isn't supposed to do, but you aren't making a big deal of it, and you're helping her find something else to amuse herself.

This may be an interesting article for a different kind of approach: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/03/26/discipline-without-distress-discipline-tools-for-toddlers-1-2-years-action/

[Anonymous]

Discipline, redirection, punishment... even rewards. They are all different words for consequences. The line between which is what is really grey. Even what we think is a punishment may be a reward if a child is seeking attention.

Give your child consequences that fit their actions, both positive & negative, as closely as you can manage. Especially at young ages, they learn best from this because it helps them understand the connection. If they use a toy to hit you, take away that toy for a time, and if they throw food, take away the food.

As has been pointed out by a PP, at this stage, while they have made the connection that when they do something "bad", you react by saying "no", they don't really understand what "bad" is. Doing it again, to see if you do in fact say "no" again, it part of the learning process. So don't get angry...just be consistent.

I think picking her up and saying "no" then redirecting her is a good response at this stage. As far as putting her in a time-out, she is probably a little too young for that to be a great method, but if you follow the 1-min per year of age rule, well, 1 minute isn't going to harm her, either. And she will learn consequences. She is demonstrating to you that she is already learning this when she looks at you and says "uh-oh" (the word you are using for "no") just before doing something "bad". She KNOWS there is a connection there, but she doesn't fully understand it which is why she is exploring it.

[Anonymous]

I think she is too young to do a "time-out."

I do notice that kids this age do understand that certain things they do may be things they know are not things they are supposed to do...You know, like when they try to stick their fingers in an electrical outlet, then glance at you w/that certain "look"....It's so cute now, but perhaps in a few months may not be. Lol.

Anyway, I wouldn't punish them at this age. Too young to understand consequences.
I would just use redirection.

[Anonymous]

OP here again, thank you for all the advice. I agree that it's too early for her to understand the concept of consequences, so we'll just keep using redirection for unwanted behavior and lots of positive encouragement for "good" behavior. Plus, my husband made the incredibly insightful point that if on the off chance she DOES understand the concept of a time out, we don't want her to associate her Pack-N-Play with punishment, because that is where we stash her when we need to run to the bathroom, answer the door etc. Now if only we could figure out how to stop her from tossing her lovey out of the crib in the middle of the night...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too early.

Redirect and use the occasional age appropriate natural consequences. Too young for time outs or other forms of discipline.

+1

[Anonymous]

i'm surprised how often we find with our 13 month old we can still tell her what not to do and she (eventually) listens. she repeatedly wanted to go to the fireplace to play. it took a few days of telling her no and now she doesn't go to the fireplace to play. a few days of telling her we don't stand in the tub, she doesn't stand in the tub. we don't yell or make a big deal of it but we firmly and calmly repeat ourselves and find if we are consistent she listens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i'm surprised how often we find with our 13 month old we can still tell her what not to do and she (eventually) listens. she repeatedly wanted to go to the fireplace to play. it took a few days of telling her no and now she doesn't go to the fireplace to play. a few days of telling her we don't stand in the tub, she doesn't stand in the tub. we don't yell or make a big deal of it but we firmly and calmly repeat ourselves and find if we are consistent she listens.

Exactly. I am actually surprised how few posters think their 1 yr olds can process information or are putting together cause and effect. I had no idea mine was such a superstar. She has been able to understand what we tell her for awhile and with discipline is learning what not to do.

[Anonymous]

My ped said to make a big deal about praising positive behavior and ignoring/redirecting bad behavior. At this age it is about the reaction/attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i'm surprised how often we find with our 13 month old we can still tell her what not to do and she (eventually) listens. she repeatedly wanted to go to the fireplace to play. it took a few days of telling her no and now she doesn't go to the fireplace to play. a few days of telling her we don't stand in the tub, she doesn't stand in the tub. we don't yell or make a big deal of it but we firmly and calmly repeat ourselves and find if we are consistent she listens.

I don't think that people are disputing that. Its discipline/punishment that they are too young for, not redirection and simple explanations or the use of the word "no".

1 year olds are too young to see the connection between their behavior and a time out (or god forbid, a spanking).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again, thank you for all the advice. I agree that it's too early for her to understand the concept of consequences, so we'll just keep using redirection for unwanted behavior and lots of positive encouragement for "good" behavior. Plus, my husband made the incredibly insightful point that if on the off chance she DOES understand the concept of a time out, we don't want her to associate her Pack-N-Play with punishment, because that is where we stash her when we need to run to the bathroom, answer the door etc. Now if only we could figure out how to stop her from tossing her lovey out of the crib in the middle of the night...

OP,

Please, please, please read a book on child development (from a reputable source).

http://www.amazon.com/Touchpoints-Birth-Three-T-Berry-Brazelton/dp/0738210498/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1384568752&sr=1-1&keywords=brazleton

You seem very naive although you're not the only one. This question gets repeated over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again, thank you for all the advice. I agree that it's too early for her to understand the concept of consequences, so we'll just keep using redirection for unwanted behavior and lots of positive encouragement for "good" behavior. Plus, my husband made the incredibly insightful point that if on the off chance she DOES understand the concept of a time out, we don't want her to associate her Pack-N-Play with punishment, because that is where we stash her when we need to run to the bathroom, answer the door etc. Now if only we could figure out how to stop her from tossing her lovey out of the crib in the middle of the night...

She doesn't need to understand the CONCEPT of consequences... she just needs to understand consequences, and from what you've posted it sounds like she is learning that. If she didn't see the connection between certain behaviors and saying "uh-oh" she wouldn't be able to demonstrate it like she does.

Good for your DH for realizing you don't want the pack-n-play to be connected with punishment. Older kids can understand the difference between "go to your room because it is bedtime" and "go to your room because you are in deep doo-doo" but 1 yr is WAY too young for understanding that sort of subtlety.