What would you do

[Anonymous]

A PP here who doesn't get why the 'hush' is such a big deal. Maybe she wanted to talk to you without distraction. Maybe she wanted someone else to offer to take the kid away. Who knows? In any case, if your kid is loud, expect a 'hush.'

[Anonymous]

No it wasn't in play . I wish it was in play. Yes my husband and I were beat with switches/belts but we were not abused. and I would never describe them as abusive. They did the best they knew how .My standard is physical discipline as last option to be rarely used. The same way I'm very careful in the words I chose which is the reason I didn't say anything at time I expect the same. She has a history of this with her children and myself. I distance myself but after some time passes I let it go because she is bipolar and I believe says things for a response. I think she was being mean not abusive.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to talk to a therapist.

What you describe is child abuse and you are minimizing its affect on your current, exaggerated reaction.

I say this to help. As a survivor of domestic abuse and my children survived as well what you describe is a normal, fighting response to past abuses. That said, you need to be able to distinguish an actual safety threat from a non-threat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to talk to a therapist.

What you describe is child abuse and you are minimizing its affect on your current, exaggerated reaction.

I say this to help. As a survivor of domestic abuse and my children survived as well what you describe is a normal, fighting response to past abuses. That said, you need to be able to distinguish an actual safety threat from a non-threat.

I never said any of them were abusive nor did I say she was abusive to my daughter. I thought she was being mean. I only mention the use of physical discipline to explain that there is a difference in opinion
regarding child rearing and communication between parent and child. I know the difference . She is not dumb enough to hit my child .

[Anonymous]

Op I think you will need some support to manage this relationship. particularly if she has a diagnosed mental illness. It seems right now your own upbringing, her illness, her approach to parenting are all blending together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to talk to a therapist.

What you describe is child abuse and you are minimizing its affect on your current, exaggerated reaction.

I say this to help. As a survivor of domestic abuse and my children survived as well what you describe is a normal, fighting response to past abuses. That said, you need to be able to distinguish an actual safety threat from a non-threat.

I never said any of them were abusive nor did I say she was abusive to my daughter. I thought she was being mean. I only mention the use of physical discipline to explain that there is a difference in opinion
regarding child rearing and communication between parent and child. I know the difference . She is not dumb enough to hit my child .

Please reread my post. I never suggested anyone as being dumb.

My suggestion is that you see a counselor to sort out your feelings. Your reaction to a "hush" is extreme, likely based in your past. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

I understand your reaction - my very kind and lovely MIL shushed my 8 month old daughter in church (she was just babbling) - and I admit I felt my feathers ruffle. It is just a silly reaction to a baby, they make noise and as long as it's not wailing...then jeez, who cares.
That being said, I think if your MIL is kind of a nut-job or generally has mean tendencies, you are going to need to develop some ways to cope without reacting. Seems like she may have been priming you for a reaction...I find going for walks at my in-laws house..long ones eases my reactionary tendencies. Limit your exposure?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are spoiling for a fight. Furthermore, she acknowledged that you did not like her action. What more do you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are spoiling for a fight. Furthermore, she acknowledged that you did not like her action. What more do you want?

I want to make sure her behavior doesn't get worse. She acknowledge my response and laugh about it. She needs boundaries. I will let go this time but best believe I will not walk away again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand your reaction - my very kind and lovely MIL shushed my 8 month old daughter in church (she was just babbling) - and I admit I felt my feathers ruffle. It is just a silly reaction to a baby, they make noise and as long as it's not wailing...then jeez, who cares.
That being said, I think if your MIL is kind of a nut-job or generally has mean tendencies, you are going to need to develop some ways to cope without reacting. Seems like she may have been priming you for a reaction...I find going for walks at my in-laws house..long ones eases my reactionary tendencies. Limit your exposure?

I have limited our interactions to only when my husband is around. She will say things and later deny or say she doesn't remember saying it. I never have private conversations with her. I have been married more than a decade and will distance myself from her at times. I was hoping things would be different because of the baby. My coping has always been to ignore or avoid interactions with her.

[Anonymous]

I think hushing your baby was stupid on her part, infants babble & it's totally normal they are real people not dolls. I think seeing a family therapist could help you deal with your MIL in the future, she's not going to change so it's up to you to set brourdries and come up with straggles to deal with her mean behavior. Your other option is to outright limit contact, let your husband manage the relationship since it's his mother, don't email, pick up the phone or visit let him take care of anything to do with her,

[Anonymous]

I think you're way overreacting. It sounds like you don't like them and are looking for an excuse to start a feud.

[Anonymous]

Meh, sometimes baby babbling is annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are spoiling for a fight. Furthermore, she acknowledged that you did not like her action. What more do you want?

I want to make sure her behavior doesn't get worse. She acknowledge my response and laugh about it. She needs boundaries. I will let go this time but best believe I will not walk away again.

Okay. You won't walk away again. You can only control your own behavior. You can't control her behavior, you know that, don't you? You can't make sure her behavior doesn't get worse.

[Anonymous]

She said hush but not loudly enough for your husband to even hear it. So she didn't shout at the baby, but wasn't friendly either. What are you angry about? That she conversationally told a 3 month old to hush? Like that's effective. Over react much?