Breaking family tradition

[Anonymous]

I make a reservation for dinner and tell them if they'd like to join us, they can. I hate eating other people's food, especially my parents, as like you've said, the creativity has gone wild.

[Anonymous]

Since it's not your house, I think you can pretty easily back off the cooking and clean-up. Just do what would be normal for one energetic person, and if the food isn't perfect and the kitchen isn't clean-it's really not your problem. When you step back either everyone else won't notice and will be perfectly happy, or they will step up and do more. Unless they really suck, there is no way they are going to say "Jane I noticed that you aren't doing 80% of the cooking and cleaning, what's wrong with you?"

[Anonymous]

For next year, I vote go out of town. (you don't have to get on a plane…just drive somewhere….no cooking, dishes, or extended family!)

[Anonymous]

Oh, god. The football every @&$?&! year. It is the worst part of the holiday for me when that stupid tv goes on before we get there and stays on for the rest of the day. Sports don't matter, and I find it a challenge to ignore the tv and noise and try to keep the irritation from showing on my face. Hopefully the people who sit down to eat with you are important to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it's not at your house, why do you do 80% of the cleanup? Also, you just have to let go of the cooking. Pick 2-3 dishes your DH and kids like and make those.

Next year just say you have dinner plans and maybe join the rest of the family for dessert, or else get together another time over the long weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at complaining about Butternut Squash Pie. It's delicious.

Seriously though, you should just let go a little. Why not make the turkey, one or two sides, and a dessert that your family really like and then let your annoying relatives bring their disasters? You can pick sides that freeze well and make them now to further lessen the stress.

As far as not watching the game, it's your house isn't it? Put on what you want. Maybe it will make them leave early.

It's not that the pie wasn't good, it's that it wasn't what I wanted. You know what it's like when you're ready for a taste of something you love, but it's just off? I didn't let on that I was taken aback, but would have made a pumpkin pie myself...

And herein lies the problem, I guess!

Thanks for the feedback, everyone's been great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if it's not at your house, why do you do 80% of the cleanup? Also, you just have to let go of the cooking. Pick 2-3 dishes your DH and kids like and make those.

Next year just say you have dinner plans and maybe join the rest of the family for dessert, or else get together another time over the long weekend.

My mom and stepdad aren't in good health. If dh and I don't do it (should have said he and I do 80%, it's not just me), it's left for my parents. My sister and her family always have a kid that melts down so they scramble outta there (I think they pinch their kids when we're not looking so they'll have an excuse to skedaddle... Kidding!), and my cousin's family is clueless. I just can't leave a huge mess for my parents to deal with.

I think it's time for a heart to heart with my parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if it's not at your house, why do you do 80% of the cleanup? Also, you just have to let go of the cooking. Pick 2-3 dishes your DH and kids like and make those.

Next year just say you have dinner plans and maybe join the rest of the family for dessert, or else get together another time over the long weekend.

My mom and stepdad aren't in good health. If dh and I don't do it (should have said he and I do 80%, it's not just me), it's left for my parents. My sister and her family always have a kid that melts down so they scramble outta there (I think they pinch their kids when we're not looking so they'll have an excuse to skedaddle... Kidding!), and my cousin's family is clueless. I just can't leave a huge mess for my parents to deal with.

I think it's time for a heart to heart with my parents!

No, it's time to suck it up and deal for one day. If you're parents aren't in good health, show up for Thanksgiving. Tivo the game or ask to have it on. Bring a turkey and one side you like. If people get creative--it's one meal, you won't starve. If your cousins are "clueless," then politely ask them to help on a specific task. Not to trying to make you feel bad, but sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if it's not at your house, why do you do 80% of the cleanup? Also, you just have to let go of the cooking. Pick 2-3 dishes your DH and kids like and make those.

Next year just say you have dinner plans and maybe join the rest of the family for dessert, or else get together another time over the long weekend.

My mom and stepdad aren't in good health. If dh and I don't do it (should have said he and I do 80%, it's not just me), it's left for my parents. My sister and her family always have a kid that melts down so they scramble outta there (I think they pinch their kids when we're not looking so they'll have an excuse to skedaddle... Kidding!), and my cousin's family is clueless. I just can't leave a huge mess for my parents to deal with.

I think it's time for a heart to heart with my parents!

No, it's time to suck it up and deal for one day. If you're parents aren't in good health, show up for Thanksgiving. Tivo the game or ask to have it on. Bring a turkey and one side you like. If people get creative--it's one meal, you won't starve. If your cousins are "clueless," then politely ask them to help on a specific task. Not to trying to make you feel bad, but sheesh.

They're not sick, they're obese and don't move we'll. We see them regularly; we had brunch with them today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we spend every Thanksgiving with my husband's family. I've been allowed to host once during nine years of marriage. It used to bug me, and then we instituted what we call Secret Thanksgiving: we cook our own turkey dinner at our house on Friday. MIL gets to host, I get to cook my own turkey, husband gets all the leftovers he wants, everyone is happy.

We do this too, except I love the smell of Turkey while watching the Macy's parade, so I cook the turkey on Thursday morning and we do the rest on Friday while putting up the trees.

Love it!

[Anonymous]

Order in food and use paper plates. My first best thanksgiving ever was when i was in Hong Kong with my DH (first year of marriage - we ate at an Italian restaurant there). My second best Thanksgiving ever was when I cooked with my 2 roomates and 2 siblings in NYC in my 20s - no parents or family drama! My 3rd best was the year we ordered Indian food (had 3 young kids and hosted my mom, Dad and step mom and parents in law). Common theme - a non traditional Thanksgiving rocks! Just do the pieces you like and ignore the rest.