How do schools deal with mean girl behavior?

[Anonymous]

Do you think there are significant benefits to school programs like role-playing, training kids in mediation techniques, etc.? If so, now intensive do such programs have to be to be effective at different ages? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, "how" intensive?

[Anonymous]

My observation as an NCS lifer is that the mean girl culture did not end, as the OP states, in 10th grade. I saw it/experienced it/did it to others until the very end. The NCS education was incredible but the way many of the girls treated each other was pretty bad. I'd never put my daughter through that.

[Anonymous]

That is why I think co-ed is better for girls.
Girls can so incredibly mean. Boys are mean in a different way. With boys in the class the girls do not become so extreme.

[Anonymous]

Mean girls are not limited to girls schools by any stretch. My daughter was subject to more of it in coed middle school than she is now in a girls high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is why I think co-ed is better for girls.
Girls can so incredibly mean. Boys are mean in a different way. With boys in the class the girls do not become so extreme.

I think the social competition makes it worse for girls in a co-ed school.

[Anonymous]

I think the social competition makes it worse for girls in a co-ed school.

I agree. The boys just add another thing to compete over. Mean girl behavior is something every middle school has. I hope to send our DD to an all girl middle school so that she has a larger pool of girls to filter through and find some nice ones.

In my middle school some of the boys were prone to sexual forms of bullying - grabbing your bottom, teasing about whether you'd developed any breasts or not, or spreading lies about you. These things can be, and I'm sure are, done by girls also. But, at least the girls have been exposed to varying degrees of the mean girl stuff since Kindergarten and are used to it. When boys start doing it, at the same time they are becoming physically bigger and dealing with hormones, it's more complicated.

[Anonymous]

This discussion just reminds me of how much I disliked my own middle school years ... yeesh. You could not PAY me to do it again, despite the opportunity to have no wrinkles again!!

[Anonymous]

There were some awful mean and disruptive girls in my son's elementary school. One of the reasons we put him in an all-boys' school where he is so much happier.

[zumbamama]

why are there so many mean girls? Some may say mean moms make mean girls, but out of my 3 children, their personalities are so different, yet I feel I raised them all equally. I don't think of myself as mean, but both my girls have a certain snarky attitude that my son does not. Do women just have an inborn natural snarkiness?

[Anonymous]

Just my speculation, but I think part of this is because girls have fewer outlets for aggression. Boys can roughouse and play sports and have outlets for competitive/aggressive energy that are sanctioned by society. Girls, especially those who don't play sports, have fewer to no outlets for that sort of energy, and so they let it out in social drama and meanness. One thing I noticed in attending an all-girls' school (which I loved, by the way), was that there was a lot less meanness and snarky behavior among the girls who played sports. Even today, I find that people (both men and women) who played sports growing up are much better able to deal with criticism and adversity. But who knows, maybe it's just my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My observation as an NCS lifer is that the mean girl culture did not end, as the OP states, in 10th grade. I saw it/experienced it/did it to others until the very end. The NCS education was incredible but the way many of the girls treated each other was pretty bad. I'd never put my daughter through that.

Do you think that your behaviour speaks most about the culture at NCS or your own individual issues of insecurity. Hoe lomh ago did yoy attend?

[Anonymous]

I asked that question when I was considering NCS. The head of school simply said that "mean girl" behavior does not exist at NCS. I thought the answer was either naive or deceptive. Holton did a much, much better job of answering the question. In the end, however, we chose a coeducational school for our daughter.

[Anonymous]

I would love for an NCS administrator to explain that comment. Even girls who have been in "nice" classes and have done well have plenty to say about the culture. Interesting that schools are one of the last groups not blogging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked that question when I was considering NCS. The head of school simply said that "mean girl" behavior does not exist at NCS. I thought the answer was either naive or deceptive. Holton did a much, much better job of answering the question. In the end, however, we chose a coeducational school for our daughter.

Head of the whole school? Or head of the lower, middle, or upper school? If "mean girls" is defined as a group of pretty, well-groomed, attractive to boys with any critical /catty behaviors then they exist at all schools. All "groups" or stereotypes also have critical/catty behaviors. Where this can get dicey is if behaviors go beyond the occasional critical/catty remarks from any group.