I like someone, but we both might be too timid to make it work

[Anonymous]

guy here - if you think he's the guy for the long terms, you have to decide if you want to be the decision maker for pretty much anything serious or real in the future.

it's more than a bit shocking that a guy in the 30s is pulling this behavior - but this also tends to mean that this behavior is not limited to only asking out women but is more part of his general DNA - that he's passive, hesitant, - a BETA (as 16:33 pointed out).

think carefully about pursuing him - you know he's not going to make a move. you may not feel it at the moment, but there are plenty of good alpha/go-getter type men out there.

[Anonymous]

OP again, we have not hooked up- I think part of my concern was that my friend- the one who was getting married and was the go between, knows that I don't have a lot of relationship experience and kinda assumed I just wanted to hook up. I did tell her how I felt, but she was weird about it (she was the one who mentioned he liked me but then said "don't ruin my wedding, you can't do anything with him till after...")

I was relieved that he didn't expect something physical to happen at the wedding.

[Anonymous]

I'm just wondering from your post if he is interested in you. It sounds like he gave you the impression that he is, but he left the wedding early, and he hasn't asked you on a date, even though you had asked him.

Ask him out on a real date, like to go to a restaurant and maybe a movie.

Then after that, wait to see if he reciprocates. If he doesn't, then move on.

[Anonymous]

16:58 here. I posted before I saw your latest post. Ok, he is interested in you. So, call him, ask him out. And like I said if he doesn't reciprocate, then move on. Also, don't do anything more then a good night kiss.

Are you the same poster who poster a few months ago about being single and in her 30s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just wondering from your post if he is interested in you. It sounds like he gave you the impression that he is, but he left the wedding early, and he hasn't asked you on a date, even though you had asked him.

Ask him out on a real date, like to go to a restaurant and maybe a movie.

Then after that, wait to see if he reciprocates. If he doesn't, then move on.

Thanks pp, that is good advice- I think this is my fear that even if I make the effort, he won't reciprocate ever, whether he likes me or not! -FWIW the football outing wasn't a date- I had four tickets and one friend and invited him and his roommate to take the other tickets- he did not ask his roommate to come though...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:58 here. I posted before I saw your latest post. Ok, he is interested in you. So, call him, ask him out. And like I said if he doesn't reciprocate, then move on. Also, don't do anything more then a good night kiss.

Are you the same poster who poster a few months ago about being single and in her 30s?

no but I read that post with great interest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, we have not hooked up- I think part of my concern was that my friend- the one who was getting married and was the go between, knows that I don't have a lot of relationship experience and kinda assumed I just wanted to hook up. I did tell her how I felt, but she was weird about it (she was the one who mentioned he liked me but then said "don't ruin my wedding, you can't do anything with him till after...")

I was relieved that he didn't expect something physical to happen at the wedding.

Card-carrying beta here.

This guy is likely interested in you, but doesn't know how to approach you because of mixed signals. Here you say you were "relieved" that he didn't try anything physical at the wedding, but in your original post you say that the wedding was a "bust" because he left early. What exactly did you want to happen that night?

My guess is, he's trying to be a gentleman and is instead being a wuss. This is a common problem for betas.

If you want to get together, you either need to make the first move, or give him clear (seriously clear) signals that you want him to do so. This stuff about inviting him to group activities doesn't count. If your actions can be interpreted as "let's just be friends," that's how he's going to interpret them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again, we have not hooked up- I think part of my concern was that my friend- the one who was getting married and was the go between, knows that I don't have a lot of relationship experience and kinda assumed I just wanted to hook up. I did tell her how I felt, but she was weird about it (she was the one who mentioned he liked me but then said "don't ruin my wedding, you can't do anything with him till after...")

I was relieved that he didn't expect something physical to happen at the wedding.

Card-carrying beta here.

This guy is likely interested in you, but doesn't know how to approach you because of mixed signals. Here you say you were "relieved" that he didn't try anything physical at the wedding, but in your original post you say that the wedding was a "bust" because he left early. What exactly did you want to happen that night?

My guess is, he's trying to be a gentleman and is instead being a wuss. This is a common problem for betas.

If you want to get together, you either need to make the first move, or give him clear (seriously clear) signals that you want him to do so. This stuff about inviting him to group activities doesn't count. If your actions can be interpreted as "let's just be friends," that's how he's going to interpret them.

It was a bust for me because I was hoping he would hang out for awhile and, with some liquid courage in me, I might get a chance to talk to him alone about how I feel. I appreciate your perspective and think you are right, sometimes when I feel he missed an opportunity to make a move, it was him being more gentlemanly then I am used to from guys. Honestly when this first started months ago and I got that impression and it attracted me to him more but recently it had me second guessing myself. Pretty over-all consensus that I need to buck up and ask him out already! Even if it doesn't end up being a perfect match it will be good for me to be direct about what I want. Thanks everyone!

[Anonymous]

Sure, ask him out if you don't mind being the testosterone in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

And what the heck is up with your friend, the bride? How selfish of her, getting involved like that and forbidding you to date him before the wedding. I don't understand that kind of bridezilla stuff.

[Anonymous]

So cliche I know, but here goes, "He's Just Not That Into You..."

Trust me on this.

If this guy really liked you and wanted to get to know you better, he would make the effort regardless.

It sounds to me like he is just making up excuses either so he doesn't hurt your feelings or so he doesn't look like a jerk or both.

I say take the hint and move on to someone who is smart enough to see the wonderful qualities you DO possess and is willing to invest the time + energy it will take to get to know you better.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I say - maybe get the mutual friend to tell him or his roomate that you would like to be asked out by him...So, instead of you making the move, the friend could say - hey, what does John think of Mary? I think she likes him and she would prob. love for him to give her a call and take her out to dinner.

Then, after you have been out a couple of times, get a little tipsy and see what happens.

I think with two shy people, sometimes it helps to have mutual friends be a little pushy on your behalf.

[Anonymous]

Be DIRECT. Ask if he wants to go out on a date with you. Try not to do it by text message as its juvenile (and I'm in my 20's). CALL HIM.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the recent posts, the bridezilla thing was weird! Best part about it was she left many of the wedding details to me and kept telling everyone how she wasn't a bridezilla! Her worst move was she told this guy I like, and his roommate that they could stay in my room the night of the wedding, without asking me...

I could maybe still rely on her to help like 6:28 suggested now that the wedding is over and she doesn't have her own agenda.

I think my main reason for posting in the first place was because I wanted to know if people got the impression that 5:26 got. I struggle with that being the message he was trying to send me, or was he telling me he is too shy but still interested.

I appreciate the honest feedback from strangers, it has been helpful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So cliche I know, but here goes, "He's Just Not That Into You..."

Trust me on this.

If this guy really liked you and wanted to get to know you better, he would make the effort regardless.

It sounds to me like he is just making up excuses either so he doesn't hurt your feelings or so he doesn't look like a jerk or both.

I say take the hint and move on to someone who is smart enough to see the wonderful qualities you DO possess and is willing to invest the time + energy it will take to get to know you better.

Good luck.

Well the same would be true of her - so are you seeing that seeing as Op hasn't made the effort she obviously also doesn't really like him an didn't that into him?

Op - this perspective isn't always true. Guys can be very shy, sacred of rejection, not read your cues well....and still actually really like you.