Husband Wife Communications

[Anonymous]

Let me guess - you bring in more money, your wife doesn't want to lose her lifestyle by asking for a divorce, so she's just using you as her household help until the kids go off to college?

[Anonymous]

It's real easy for your DW to assert her independence by demanding you take DD places, then bail off to work and not have to actually back up any of her demands with her own time.

I'm almost inclined to think that OP's wife is marking time until the kids go to college.

Your DD needs to suck it up and accept that carpooling is something she will need to do for the good of the family.

What do your other kids think/do during all this?

11:57, it's changed since we were in school. The chimera of athletic scholarships leads people to throw their kids on travel teams because that appears to be the only places college coaches look anymore ... in fact you have some kids not even play for their HS anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Travel sports are a huge waste of time and money.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for taking the time to respond. Actually we use to do quite well and my wife was a SAHM; for the past three years things have been tight so a) my wife went back to work and b) we are now contenting with issues that we did not face when we had the luxury of a SAHM.
My sense is that my DW resents that she is no longer a SAHM, that she can longer mother and pamper them. She did tell me that as our kids do not do much, and that as they will be out of the house in four years and that as we do not want them to hate us we should be working to provide them a nice upbringing.
So, overall I'd say the resentment is manifesting itself in her not having a problem in having me transport daughter. She told me that if I made enough than it wouldn't be a issue because should could take her as she would not be working.
I suspect we are both biding our time until children go to college. And yes we live if a very nice family home that neither one of us can afford on our own. There is also somewhat of a "what would the neighbors think"...

[Anonymous]

A perfect example of "A Life of Quiet Desperation"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could just tell DD no. Or say she has to carpool with kids she doesn't like if she wants to be on the team.

+1 Grow a pair. Just tell them no. To hell with what DW thinks.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should re~consider not making the commitments. While I totally see your point as I am a parent of teens as well, I am of the opinion that you should do everything you can for your child to succeed in something positive such as sports. Playing sports is keeping her away from bad habits such as gangs, drugs, etc. Also, this is only a temporary thing. One day she will be all grown up and on her own and you just may regret now doing this one thing for her.

However, if you truly are dead set against making a commitment and nothing will change your mind, perhaps you can work out a compromise w/your daughter. There has to be some other person that your daughter gets along w/that you can trade driving duties w/. I would ask your daughter to be a little proactive and ask around and see.

As for your marriage issues, that is a tougher issue.
It sounds to me like you and your wife are just together for the family's sake only and that you are simply roommates that are co parenting together.

And that is a very sad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
11:57, it's changed since we were in school. The chimera of athletic scholarships leads people to throw their kids on travel teams because that appears to be the only places college coaches look anymore ... in fact you have some kids not even play for their HS anymore.

Thing is, when you compare the time and expense of travel sports to the likelihood and amount of potential scholarships, you'd almost always be better off throwing the travel money into a college fund.