How to discipline a toddler who is too young for time-out?

[Anonymous]

We use time out with our 22 month old (naughty chair actually) and she is only in it for like one minute (not even sometimes) because I don't think she realizes why she is there if she is there longer. I always talk about what she did and tell her to say sorry to her sister or to mommy depending on what the bad behavior was. I always say "do you understand" and she shakes her head yes (which is probably just a reaction but...whatever). It's hard and we usually do naughty chair daily but in my mind the more I repeat that bad behavior isn't acceptable then sooner or later she will get it and know not to do it.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs that redirection, distraction, avoiding tantrums when possible, and praising good behavior are good strategies. Since all the troublesome behavior tends to happen when the child is tired, I try to make sure we're home before the floodgates open. It also helps to stay mindful, as the OP clearly is doing, of the fact that frustration and tantrums go with the territory of raising a toddler...it helps for staying calm when said tantrums happen at really inopportune times (e.g., the grocery store).

[Anonymous]

He's definitely ready for time-outs. You have to go with the emotional maturity of a child. If your child understands as much as you say, he's ready for timeouts.

[Anonymous]

To the new poster that posted today - it doesnt seem like people are responding to your new post... I'd start a new thread! I dont think people realize you've built off of an old thread, Sorry, I dont have much advice for you but want you to get your question answered.

[Anonymous]

Another good resource for this is Dr. Harvey Kar's Happiest Toddler on the block. He advises you to use 'toddler-ese' which is a very simplifed way of speaking to your toddler in a way that he can understand and know that you 'get' him. He gives many tips on heading off tantrums before they escalate, as well as how to discipline young ones.

[Anonymous]

I agree a 22month old is definatley ready for time outs. Here is a link to my web page dicipline section. Hopefully it will help some.
http://gregorygordonmd.com/Discipline-toddlers-children.html

[Anonymous]

I see from your site that you believe in corporal punishment. I am a new poster, but do not so I'm not sure yours would be a good reference for me.

[Anonymous]

Time outs are a nice way for parent and child to get a quick break. A 22 month will have to sit still for maybe two minutes, hardly a severe punishment, and also sometimes just what they need to step back from the scene.

Life comes with consequences, and people do not all dislike those who dole them out. For example, teachers who give consequences in the classroom are much more preferred than those who do not because instruction and learning can occur and kids know what to expect.

Sure, we may get angry at the officer who writes us a ticket, the teacher who assigns detention, or the parent who gives us a timeout, but we also respect them for trying to maintain some semblance of order in a chaotic world.

[Anonymous]

I am the 13:08 poster. Here is some logic on time outs. If your child is frustrated/angry/bored/cannot use words/is in pain/tired/sick, you name it, placing them on a step, in a high chair, in a crib, on a little chair, whatever, does not teach them how to behave. It teaches them (eventually) to be angry with YOU, the punisher. Time outs ALWAYS stop working b/c they punish rather than instruct, the child does not know WHAT to do with their feelings. And the child usually does two things: feels sorry for themselves or wants to punish you back. Either way, it is not what a parent wants. I understand the motivation behind a timeout, I did it with my first kid, and it worked, for about six months. And then, it REALLY stops working. For EVERYONE. You are better off keeping your cool and finding another way...much harder than plunking the kid on a step and setting the timer...

this. plus, time outs humiliate a child. i think too many mommies are watching "nanny 911"...nanny jo has no training and no clue what she's talking about.

what we do if a tantrum is in full swing is to get a hold of our DS, just to keep him from harming himself or others and speak to him calmly, lovingly...almost whispering. it's quite effective.

[Anonymous]

PP the OP did not ask what to do when her toddler is having a tantrum, she asked what to do when he is misbehaving and acting out. It is perfectly reasonable to remove a child from the situation for less than two minutes.

[Anonymous]

Just curious 13:08... Are you the parent of any other children, or just the 19 mo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see from your site that you believe in corporal punishment. I am a new poster, but do not so I'm not sure yours would be a good reference for me.

Ditto. Spanking a 2 yo for screaming in church? Not for me.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. Spanking is not for me and never will be. I would never hurt my child - As a mother, I'm the one they come to to feel safe. I bet you wouldn't like it if you saw someone hit your child so what makes it okay for you to do it? Do you want your child to learn that it is okay to hit someone to get what you want? Do you want your child to resent you when they are older? Why would you want to humiliate your child like that? There are much kinder and more effective ways to teach right from wrong.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad I'm not the only one going through these issues. My DS is 20 months. he has started hitting and throwing things at us. He does this when he is not getting what he wants or he gets frustrated with something. We first started spanking (like a pat on his butt with his diaper on) and firmly say no hitting. That worked a little, then we went to time out, putting him in the corner and he just thinks its a game, I have to hold him there and count then talk to him and let him out. But he goes right back up to us and hits us on the leg again. He does it as if he is testing us. So now we just ignore him, he hits us on the leg a couple of times and eventually sees no reaction and goes to do something else. If possible when he hits I just get up and say "ok fine if your going to hit, mommy is going to do something else in the kitchen" and i go to another room. Also in the morning when he wakes up cranky and swings his arms, screams and wont let me change him, I put him back in his crib and tell him to let me know when he is ready to get changed and walk out. I come back after a minute or two and ask him are your ready now and he usually shakes his head yes.
He hasn't (knock on wood) really done this when in public, atleast not yet. Well he does sometimes hit his playmates and if I say no hitting he does it again, and if I ignore it he doesn't do it anymore.

My question is where do you put your child in time out, the corner doesn't work for us, he just gets up and walks away.

The scary thing is I know the this is just the beginning of the "terrible two's"

[Anonymous]

We put our ds in his high chair, booster seat, crib, or stroller (if out) for time out at that age. I've even told him he was in time out while driving in the car, and just didn't speak to him for 2 minutes.