SIL keeps bringing her sick kid to family weekends

[Anonymous]

The big question is, why is this poor child sick all the time??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The big question is, why is this poor child sick all the time??

I haven't the slightest clue. SIL says she gets chilled very easily. Picture a gorgeous 70 degree day with slight breeze -- girl needs a sweatshirt or she'll have sniffles and cough by morning and pass it to my kid (I've seen this happen!).

We could pose the same question about my kid, who catches everything her cousin has, and only everything her cousin has, not other kids! I actually did an experiment once, geek that I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP with one final question. Think it'd be ok to take my kid when she's sick? I mean, wouldn't it be a double-standard if they allow SIL's sick kid but not mine?

Why would you do that to your kid? You'd drag your sick kid out of the house just to make a point? Grow up.

[Anonymous]

My sister used to do this. Only DN would be VERY sick and lethargic. She would still bring her. It got to the point where I would just turn them away. Now, I don't mind the whole cold thing. I mean it's hard to avoid colds. DN would have a cold and my kids would catch it. My issue was when they would bring DN over with the flu (she would look and feel awful). Once my DS was very sick (fever over 103 and throwing up). I called my sister and said DO NOT COME OVER. They came anyway. We would not let them in. DN snuck past us. She got sick, had a febrile seizure in preschool, was rushed to the hospital and my sister and BIL actually got mad at us. We had it out with them at that point. Now that they are older they don't pass illnesses as often as they used to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP with one final question. Think it'd be ok to take my kid when she's sick? I mean, wouldn't it be a double-standard if they allow SIL's sick kid but not mine?

Why would you do that to your kid? You'd drag your sick kid out of the house just to make a point? Grow up.

Hello, obviously not if my kid was feeling bad but if she had a cough and sniffles and was otherwise feeling fine. We normally don't for the sake of the other kids, but if germs are already there, and most importantly that no one else minds as evidenced by no one else objecting to cousin's germs, then why not. Do I really sound like someone who would bring a kid with a 105 degree temp out to play?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The big question is, why is this poor child sick all the time??

I haven't the slightest clue. SIL says she gets chilled very easily. Picture a gorgeous 70 degree day with slight breeze -- girl needs a sweatshirt or she'll have sniffles and cough by morning and pass it to my kid (I've seen this happen!).

We could pose the same question about my kid, who catches everything her cousin has, and only everything her cousin has, not other kids! I actually did an experiment once, geek that I am.

You don't get sick from being chilly outside. This doesn't make sense.

[Anonymous]

my mom lied to me about being terribly sick prior to us traveling to christmas with our not even 3 month old. i found it offensive but realized that if she has a trip planned to visit us or vice versa she will lie to her grave about actually being sick and deny and downplay it all day long. i think she truly doesn't view it as an issue so she will never accept if its an issue for me. selfishly, she wanted time with her grandchild regardless of whether my husband and i felt comfortable with her level of sickness. i think some people are like that and if your sil doesn't view it as a big deal, she will likely never change.
that said, i would still state your point of view on the matter but just have realistic expectations that she might never understand your perspective and therefore never modify her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The big question is, why is this poor child sick all the time??

I haven't the slightest clue. SIL says she gets chilled very easily. Picture a gorgeous 70 degree day with slight breeze -- girl needs a sweatshirt or she'll have sniffles and cough by morning and pass it to my kid (I've seen this happen!).

We could pose the same question about my kid, who catches everything her cousin has, and only everything her cousin has, not other kids! I actually did an experiment once, geek that I am.

You don't get sick from being chilly outside. This doesn't make sense.

I do know that.

So my kid is sick now, coincidentally after her cousin's visit this weekend when she ran a 105 degree fever. My other SIL had the nerve to day to me, oh did she get a cold from swimming? OMG. No words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP with one final question. Think it'd be ok to take my kid when she's sick? I mean, wouldn't it be a double-standard if they allow SIL's sick kid but not mine?

Why would you do that to your kid? You'd drag your sick kid out of the house just to make a point? Grow up.

Hello, obviously not if my kid was feeling bad but if she had a cough and sniffles and was otherwise feeling fine. We normally don't for the sake of the other kids, but if germs are already there, and most importantly that no one else minds as evidenced by no one else objecting to cousin's germs, then why not. Do I really sound like someone who would bring a kid with a 105 degree temp out to play?

Well, I wouldn't object to someone bringing a kid who had the sniffles but was otherwise feeling fine. Ordinary colds are pretty much a fact of life, and I wouldn't expect someone to keep their kid home for that. Hell, I'd hardly ever go to work if I stayed home when I had a cold. So no, I don't think there's any problem bringing a kid with a runny nose to a family event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grrr. People like this tick me off. We once pulled out of a planned out of a planned nannyshare with friends because they wanted to be able to send their kid even if was sick with a high fever or contagious disease. Their theory? Just let both kids get sick at the same time and get it over with.
Umm. No.
Anyway, agree with pps who suggested calling before a visit for a health check in status. I'd also put the relative on notices gently but firmly by saying something "I know sometimes Larla comes over when she's a little under the weather. However, kids being kids, this makes dd sick too, which is something I know we both want to avoid. So I figured I'd check in to see if Larla is feeling up to a visit on Saturday."
If the kid is sick, resked the visit. If the mom lies and brings sick kid, pull her aside and let her know you're cutting visit short for the aforementioned reasons.

The SIL/mom is going to lie, I think.

Since another SIL is involved: Does she agree with you that the third mom in this triangle is being irresponsible here? Is she as mad as you are? If so, enlist her. BOTH of you need to talk to this mom and just lay it out there: Tell her that you spoke to your pediatrician about fevers and that merely masking symptoms with meds that lower fever does not mean the child is fine to visit. In fact, ask your ped to give you an article that says just that -- doctors will do that sort of thing to help you out, I've found! THen you and other SIL together tell her how concerned you are that her girl is so often ill and you will all commit to check with each other before each visit.

It's possible that she is so invested in these visits that she doesn't want to miss them but she needs a reality check. I hate parents who send sick kids to school like she does.

[Anonymous]

Op you sound so annoying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your niece always running fevers? I'd be mostly concerned about the sick child, not the kids who might get sick.

+1 Fevers that come and go? She often has one? This is a bigger issue. A much bigger issue. Kids get sick a lot, but not THAT Much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP with one final question. Think it'd be ok to take my kid when she's sick? I mean, wouldn't it be a double-standard if they allow SIL's sick kid but not mine?

Why would you do that to your kid? You'd drag your sick kid out of the house just to make a point? Grow up.

Hello, obviously not if my kid was feeling bad but if she had a cough and sniffles and was otherwise feeling fine. We normally don't for the sake of the other kids, but if germs are already there, and most importantly that no one else minds as evidenced by no one else objecting to cousin's germs, then why not. Do I really sound like someone who would bring a kid with a 105 degree temp out to play?

Well, I wouldn't object to someone bringing a kid who had the sniffles but was otherwise feeling fine. Ordinary colds are pretty much a fact of life, and I wouldn't expect someone to keep their kid home for that. Hell, I'd hardly ever go to work if I stayed home when I had a cold. So no, I don't think there's any problem bringing a kid with a runny nose to a family event.

+1. I don't get as irked anymore by sniffles/coughs, but used to when my oldest was little. He had asthma, and whenever he got congested it meant that he would have respiratory problems, need his nebulizer and possibly end up in the hospital. We wouldn't stay long if another child was actively coughing/snotty. Now that he's older it's not such a big deal anymore.

But a fever, vomiting or diarrhea should be a total no-go. We went to a party awhile back where my friend's husband came with one of their kids, but the mom stayed home with the other because he'd had a fever that morning and was napping. Well a couple hours later she shows up with the kid because "he seemed better when he woke up." WTH!! A) I don't want my kids getting sick and B) I don't have unlimited sick days at work to stay home with them because you thought it was a good idea to bring a feverish child to a party!!