When do I cave to Facebook?

[Anonymous]

Hear, hear. Friend them early, before the novelty wears off, and include grandparents, friends' parents, whatever you can.

And Google your kids periodically, to see what is leaking out. They will complain that you are stalking them, and they will tighten up what can be searched, which is what you want. Don't get too excited - things that are at the top of search results when they are 15 will probably get eclipsed by later mentions, like sports results and honor roll, that will make you happier.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the feedback and good advice, everyone. DC is a rising 9th-grader and it sounds like I should be grateful that FB is the only thing on the table for now! We're in agreement (pretty much) on the privacy controls for now, so I'm inclined to say yes. Thanks much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old. I'm surprised kids don't do Facebook anymore they have Instagram accounts.

They have both.

[Anonymous]

Or you could let your teen child have some privacy rather than going NSA on them. Show respect and you'll get it back.

[Anonymous]

I used to have a pretty casual feeling about social media. My kids were allowed accounts when they were 14, same year they got phones. Today I wish I was much stricter about social media. I would suggest that you just think long and hard about this, and also that you follow the recommendations of PP who provided the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My middle schoolers became completely uninterested in Facebookonce they realied it was all old people, LOL

+1 fb is for OLD people, mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I allowed it when DD turned 14, with the caveat that she had to accept a friend request from me (with my promise that i wouldn't EVER comment on her wall).

Every so often I'd call her over, have her put in her password in front of me, and I'd go look through her account, to see what, if anything, she was hiding from me on there.

I feel sorry for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or you could let your teen child have some privacy rather than going NSA on them. Show respect and you'll get it back.

+1

Whatever you decide, have a discussion about privacy controls where the focus is not that you don't trust your child. Talk about how the Internet is forever; employers and college counselors can search for a web history on anyone. Make it about them presenting themselves in the best light. Not that mommy doesn't trust you (even though you obviously don't).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make it about them presenting themselves in the best light. Not that mommy doesn't trust you (even though you obviously don't).

OP here. Very good advice, thoughmMy only posts have been the original one and 21:29; not sure where you got the idea that I don't trust my child. I actually do, but as this is my oldest, I was looking for guidance as to the local norms.

Many of DC's friends have no privacy settings at all, which I find startling. It does seem that some parents are not aware of the risks of social media that go far beyond whether one's own child is trustworthy. The kids themselves who don't put on the controls, even if trustworthy, do need some education on how to avoid the weirdos now and protect their reputation in the future. They just don't have the life experience to make those judgments themselves yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make it about them presenting themselves in the best light. Not that mommy doesn't trust you (even though you obviously don't).

OP here. Very good advice, thoughmMy only posts have been the original one and 21:29; not sure where you got the idea that I don't trust my child. I actually do, but as this is my oldest, I was looking for guidance as to the local norms.

Many of DC's friends have no privacy settings at all, which I find startling. It does seem that some parents are not aware of the risks of social media that go far beyond whether one's own child is trustworthy. The kids themselves who don't put on the controls, even if trustworthy, do need some education on how to avoid the weirdos now and protect their reputation in the future. They just don't have the life experience to make those judgments themselves yet.

I think that's a great way to look at it (I am the PP you are quoting). When facebook/social media & children is discussed on this forum, there seems to be a significant portion of parents saying they can only use it if it's monitored by them, they check it randomly, etc. I was probably a bad kid by some of these standards, but I turned out okay, and I know I would have been very upset and tried to retaliate if my parents attempted to monitor my email/facebook (I got it sometime in high school- but this was about a decade ago). Just keep in mind that, for some kids, having parents always over their shoulder or imposing a lot of privacy limits may not result in a good thing. Better to teach them to be savvy.

[Anonymous]

I would have laughed internally at my parents if they attempted to monitor my social media activity as a teen. My parents were very laissez faire and I got into (and out of) a lot of trouble and a lot of very dangerous situations. I am a different kind of parent. I have been showing my social media usage to my daughter and talking about the responsible usage of it since she hit the tween years. We talk about how social media can hurt people and what we will and won't allow. I have a more comprehensive list than the one posted earlier, but that list is a solid start for those just beginning to think about the subject.

[Anonymous]

I am shocked at how many parents actually let their kids get Instagram, FB, Twitter etc... BEFORE 13. My daughter is 11 and I would say half of her friends have iPhones and instagram accounts, none of which are private. She showed me this "selfie" her 11yr old friend took on instagram, not realizing there were comments. She took a pic of it and sent it to my daughter's email. All of these comments were on the page "I would hit that" "You are f***ing cute, do me!"

Yuck - no thanks. My daughter will be graduating from middle school before dealing with that junk. She doesn't even want a cell phone yet anyway and right now at least half still don't.

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to be open minded about Facebook but so far I just don't see much benefit in my kids having Facebook accts and Twitter is about the dumbest thing I've ever seen - sorry. Youtube I'm mixed on.

Like another poster said, the kids seem to use the accts fairly early on (middle school/fresh/soph). By the time they are Juniors/Seniors/College students they more or less forget that they even have accts/never use them.

I'm leaning towards no accts.

[Anonymous]

If you dont have and use Facebook you will never understand while your child should. IMHO it is essential for every High School, College and adult. It lets you keep in touch with your friends. My two kids are college and adults and they have had their accounts since high school. Now I find it easy to stay in touch with them and let them know what is going on with my life.

Don;t deny, embrace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you dont have and use Facebook you will never understand while your child should. IMHO it is essential for every High School, College and adult. It lets you keep in touch with your friends. My two kids are college and adults and they have had their accounts since high school. Now I find it easy to stay in touch with them and let them know what is going on with my life.

Don;t deny, embrace.

I know what Facebook is. At this point, the cons are far outweighing the pros for me. Not saying that I'll never change my mind about it, but for now...NO.