SIL and extreme weight gain

[Anonymous]

Us DCUMers don't know much about your SIL, but perhaps she would've put on the weight regardless of whether she is pregnant (and of course, being pregnant just makes the weight gain a little more alarming). Maybe she is eating poorly, because of stress, maybe when she isn't feeling nausea she is eating all she can to make up for it.

2nd: let your SIL's doc. be the one to tell your SIL that she needs to manage and monitor her weight/health more carefully. Unless you are her doc, you don't know everything about her medical history, possible thyroid problems, water retention issues, etc. and being an armchair-ob/gyn doesn't really help at this stage. Scaring her with preclampsia, high blood pressure, birth weight problems, etc. is not a good move either (although they may all be realistic factors). Again, leave it to the experts.

3rd: it is considerate of you to be concerned for your SIL. You even said that your SIL doesn't know much about pre natal care. So maybe give her a book like What to Expect While Expecting or something might be helpful for her.

Finally, keep in mind that you posted about 2 extreme pregnancies - your own (hardly any weight gain) and your SIL's (lots of weight gain). It is one thing to commiserate about the ups & downs of pregnancy with your SIL, but I wouldn't compare numbers or come across as condescending based on your own "thin" pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

OP - Are you actually looking for advice or just a chance to bash your SIL to a crowd? Every time someone has suggested - in fairly genteel fashion, particularly as compared with your own choice of language - that this is not your place, you have come back with posts insisting that we don't appreciate the situation as well as you do. Well, obviously we don't - we are basing our responses on what you have posted! But you should take heed of the fact that just about every response here has suggested that only the most small-scale, most considerate forms of encouragement on weight issues (eg., buying her a book on prenatal care) are appropriate to offer your SIL -- leave the rest to her doctor. You don't seem to like that advice, but unless you propose to lock her up and control her access to all forms of food, then you really have no choice in the matter.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was most definetely asking for advice. I really had no idea what a normal amount of weight gain for the early weeks was. If 25 lbs was normal than that would be great. I honestly am very concerned and was looking for advice which some people have given. If my concern and frustration with her neglect for her health came out in the wrong way I am sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP, I too doubt your motives a little ("uneducated hick" is pretty telling about how you feel about her generally). Maybe you have weight issues yourself or you were just looking for a place to bash SIL (which is fair enough, I supposed, better to vent here than to her). But (1) how do you know she's gained 25 pounds? Did she tell you, or are you just guessing because you think she looks like it? If so, I bet you are just guessing that she has gained more than she has. Maybe she's gained 10 pounds and to you it looks like 25. (2) If you're sincerely concerned with her choices and her well-being (and that of the baby), why did THIS choice prompt the post and not her smoking and drinking?

[Anonymous]

It seems a little funny that you call your SIL uneducated, and yet you say you really had no idea what a normal weight gain and weight gain rate for a pregnancy is, even though you have been through an entire prenancy yourself. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I got on the internet and got some books at the bookstore. I also was informed of normal weight gain by my obgyn. So, perhaps you did absoulutely no reading during your own pregnancy, and perhaps you didn't go to obgyn apts or pay attention to their advice to you, and perhaps you should take a look in the mirror before you call someone else uneducated.

[Anonymous]

Can you explain to me how your SIL got pregnant from a "one night stand"? Does that imply that your brother is not the father?

[Anonymous]

To the pp - you do realize that this could be her husband's sister, right? That would still make her the SIL.

[Anonymous]

ahhh yes. of course. next time I will make sure I have my coffee before posting...

[Anonymous]

OP - you don't really say what type of relationship you have with your SIL.

Unless you two are the best buddies in the whole world I would really hesitate to offer medical advice to her - not that you don't have valid concerns - simply because you may unintentionally come across as judgemental, haughty, and condescending...given that your own pregnancy was rather the other extreme of your SIL's (you said you gained a mere 15 lbs in your pregnancy?).