Did you tell your family you were TTC?

[Anonymous]

I may be the odd one here... but we are very open about our TTC and our struggles. We have secondary infertility.

Infertility stinks, but it's not something we should be ashamed of. I've found that being open about it allows others to be open. I found out that 3 of my friends went through IVF and I had no idea. We are all in this together and need to learn how to support each other.

[Anonymous]

We were very open about our struggles to conceive dc#1 and now ttc dc #2, I feel comfortable telling everyone that is interested about the wonderful treatments available to couples ttc. Human reproduction is not that efficient so it's not a shameful thing to need help, while telling our story I found out several of my close and distant relatives suffered from IF and RPL.

[Anonymous]

We had to tell ILs about our secondary infertility. We were staying at their house when I began to hemorrhage with my first miscarriage (first of many). We eventually succeeded in getting our precious DC2, but ILs do not know the circumstances of this baby's beginnings (IVF). They have, however, used our story of age-related IF to try to scare DH's younger sibs into not waiting to have kids. Lovely. I'm not thrilled to be used as a cautionary tale.

I'm a fan of telling no one, other than maybe a couple of your closest friends. That's what DH and I have done. Both of our families are full of people who are very nosy and who aren't particularly supportive, so that's where we're coming from.

[Anonymous]

Stop telling your MIL that you have doctor appts. It's normal for people (relatives, close friends) to ask a follow up question if you tell them you have/went to a dr appt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop telling your MIL that you have doctor appts. It's normal for people (relatives, close friends) to ask a follow up question if you tell them you have/went to a dr appt.

+1000. Keep your mouth shut. No one ever knew i had appointments. I can't imagine why you would need to tell her you have appts. For the most, appts are held during business hours. It's not like you'd have to turn down a weekend barbecue invitation because you "have a doctor's appt." If your MIL asks you to go to coffee, but you have a blood draw, just say, "Sorry I can't make it" and then switch the subject.

[Anonymous]

For years, every one of DH's family events were dominated by conversations concerning SIL's fertility issues

It got really old. Fast. We started shortening our visits.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you all so much for your candid responses. I think for now we are going to stay quiet because who knows, our first IUI could work and then it turns out I was fretting for nothing. We see them again in December so if no progress by then we may divulge.

[Anonymous]

We've been trying for a long time and now seeing a specialist in SIL's town, traveled there frequently and stayed at her place to save money so she's in on the scoop and ofcourse everyone else gets the juice from her. She's been joking A LOT about my "twins", wanting to bet on the twins gender...etc. It's annoying.

[Anonymous]

Nice thread. Now how about this twist?

Background: DH and I have been very open about our IF struggles and other previous treatments with parents and MIL. FWIW, I'm 42 and he is 33. I've had 2 failed IVFs, which everyone was very looped in for. Before moving to donor egg we decided to fo 3 IUIs b/s it's cheap at our clinic and OE/DE IVF is def not. Part of the deal (at least in my head) was to do our thing privately over the summer without providing details.

The issue: So, got a BFP this week on IUI#2 and do not want to share until we'll at least made it past 7w5d (where I miscarried last time), but everyone is tuned in like hawks. I tried not to provide dates or anything, but I slipped a smidge b/c last IUI was on our anniversary.

How do you gently navigate this? I really don't want to share right now. It's WAY too tenuous a sitch for a gal my age. Hurry! MIL arrives in 2 hours!

[Anonymous]

12:24 If you are keeping them in the loop to the extent of mentioning what day you had an IUI it's a bit late to think of being secretive with outcome details. I was a poster who said that I was open and honest but never shared actual info. on when I went in etc. Think you've made your bed here. Very much hope the bfp sticks and they can enjoy your journey with you!

[Anonymous]

21:22 Yeah, you've got a good point. I have too big of a mouth. If the second IUI hadn't landed on our anniversary and lasted for over 3 hours I may not have shared. Oh well. I'll keep them in the dark for as long as I can without being obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO! Do not tell anyone until you are four months along. It will make everything so much easier.

This is what I did and it made it much easier for me, but a lot depends on your relationship with your family/ILs and how supportive/nosy they'll be.