For those without close-knit families

[Anonymous]

I think many on this thread are not being honest or maybe they are and are just selfish. A little family of three might just be your child a family of one when you pass. I get this and am now trying to cultivate relationships with some of our distant relatives because I realize it will be confusing after we die to have no one except for friends. My good friend who is an only warned me of this since she is now dealing with no family. Even having family who is nutty is better than no one..of course I am not talking abuse but varied lifestyles. I am pushing through the awkwardness..my relatives are evangelical and big on college but hey they are kind people and since I have started calling they have invited us to some gatherings and my kids have had fun..that is what matters..I can have my glass of wine (no drinking in this crew) at a later date. Good luck op and please do what you can not to lose touch even with miles separating.

[Anonymous]

FYI I have two kids

[Anonymous]

I come from a large and very dysfunctional family. We would like to have the children see more of a "family" but not this one. There is a lot of mental illness and alcoholism. This leads to unbridled hostility and acting out that I do not think is healthy for our children. We are sad, but when I hear of yet another incident (from the family members that do get along --and put up with the out bursts) I know I made the right decision.

[Anonymous]

^^ My family is not "nutty" I wish that were the case.

[Anonymous]

It seems easy to assume that those without close families are this negative or that negative. I disagree. While we don't live next to each other (over 500 miles each), our family connects by calling at least every other day and visiting as often as possible.

I think people in each camp (close or not close in proximity) tend to unadmittedly take exception to the others situation.

If you are close, and visiting very often, then you must be taking advantage. If you are not close, and not visiting every week or month (clearly not practical), then you must be this negative or that negative.

It is easier to look at others and not yourself, apparently.

OP, make your own inner circle of those who are truly trustworthy. Sometimes, in this area, people look for fault where there is none. They might feel bad about themselves or their own lives.

Instead, surround yourself with positive, not needy. Find people with whom you are at similar stages in life and they (or you) are not resentful. Find your inner peace.

It sounds hoky, but it is true. We are given but one chance. Really.

[Anonymous]

My husband's family is really close knit (well, aside from a black sheep or two but that's fairly normal) and we cherish those relationships though we have a large distance between us. My family claims to be close knit, but is full of alcoholism, mental illness and really unhealthy relationships, none of which is acknowledged, there are phone calls and an occasional and very controlled visit. We live about 800 miles away from both the ILs and my family, and while we do maintain our relationships, I can easily say that I'm glad to have my own family, our own holidays and traditions and everything else here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Create your own. With your own traditions. Help your kid learn how to pick and make good friends.

It works out.

Great advice.

[Anonymous]

Close knit and lives nearby are two different things. Seems like they are being conflated here.