SIL hates me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't change other people. For whatever reason, my SIL hates mates me too, and has wedged a divide between my brother and I. I did a lot for them, especially when they had their first child - I was there day and night for weeks. I did anything and everything to help them out, including making meals, running errands, watching the baby so they could get some sleep, cleaning up. I don't expect much in return but a hand once in a blue moon. A little kindness. That's it.

I've never said a bad word about her to anyone, except here, anonymously on the internet. She's passive aggressive and insecure, and indirectly snide. Leaves me out of "family" e-mails. But I ignore it all for the sake of "family." For whatever reason, she's discouraging my brother from talking to me (even though I've never ever said anything bad about her to him).

Some people are just truly awful. You have to live your own life.

Wow, are you me? This is exactly my relationship with my SIL (brother's wife) right down to helping them with the baby. Leaves me out of "family" emails, too. I ignore it for the sake of my nephew, who I adore. I just try to be the bigger person and live my life. Try not to let her get to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is a pill. She played a game where she was nice to me and mean to my sis. She told my brother it's because my mom dislikes her and she feels that my sis backs up my mom. Well guess what --we all dislike her, but I try to be nice because of my niece. Turns out it's not worth it. I see my niece 3-4 times a year although they only live 30 minutes away. And that's with me doing the inviting and going down to where they live. It's unfortunate because my child has a great relationship with her other cousin (both her cousins are the same age) even though she lives in another state. I tried talking about it with my brother, but he says it's not up to him. Oh well. My brother is no treat either. He stole money from my parents and to this day thinks he's entited to everything. They deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever the deal is, always be pleasant, do not tell her anything about anything, and keep your guard up. She sounds kind of insecure, possibly jealous, and may be trying to secure her position in the family and lower yours. I personally don't see the point of this kind of thing, but I've seen it happen a lot, especially in certain cultures.

This is what happens to families that go into business together. It's
bad, bad thing. The spouses are always in competition and jealous of each other.

[Anonymous]

My SIL has hated me forever (okay 9 years). At first I was really sad and troubled about it, but now I kind of enjoy it. She never approves of anything my kids do, and having a personal discussion with her is like bad improv. So, thanks to DCUM - I now view each engagement with her as if I am going to post it, and imagine how some of my "sisters" will respond.

Really, it helps!

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I have a SIL that is just as insecure, and mine acts out in nasty ways. It came to the point that we just had to cut her out of our lives. My husband still talks to his brother, but we never get together as families. Best decision I've ever made. Sorry to tell you, but if she is like this now, it will likely only get worse. When it does, just walk away. [/quote]
+1; it's painful at first, but it cuts stress from the marriage. This is especially crucial where kids are involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't change other people. For whatever reason, my SIL hates mates me too, and has wedged a divide between my brother and I. I did a lot for them, especially when they had their first child - I was there day and night for weeks. I did anything and everything to help them out, including making meals, running errands, watching the baby so they could get some sleep, cleaning up. I don't expect much in return but a hand once in a blue moon. A little kindness. That's it.

I've never said a bad word about her to anyone, except here, anonymously on the internet. She's passive aggressive and insecure, and indirectly snide. Leaves me out of "family" e-mails. But I ignore it all for the sake of "family." For whatever reason, she's discouraging my brother from talking to me (even though I've never ever said anything bad about her to him).

Some people are just truly awful. You have to live your own life.

Wow, are you me? This is exactly my relationship with my SIL (brother's wife) right down to helping them with the baby. Leaves me out of "family" emails, too. I ignore it for the sake of my nephew, who I adore. I just try to be the bigger person and live my life. Try not to let her get to you, OP.

They probably think you are too instrusive in their lives.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is a piece of work too. She has divided up our family and tries to act innocent when she is around us. My brother and I used to have a great relationship and now it's about 1/10 of what it used to be. My boys love their cousins and I really bite my lip for their sake.

I do play my SILs little nicey nice games but deep down inside I can't stand the bitch!!

She has purposely left me out of invites and has said "she's forgotten" to include me. She's told my brother she's forgotten and he believes her, oh well. He's the one that has to put up with has fake ass personality not me.

[Anonymous]

I like to check on these listings every once in a while just to remind myself Im not the only one and this line from the woman with 6 SILs is just about the best piece of advice Ive seen in a while!

Keep your distance, be polite, don't start drama, it will pay off.

What I've also concluded for myself is that it is often about insecurties and we all have them, and if I just remember that about her and myself as well, it doesn't bother me as much. I also don't keep it bottled inside, I am lucky I can talk to my husband about it

[Anonymous]

My husband's sister is an immature, foolish witch. We have zero in common, I have zero desire to have her in my life. I don't let her know that though, we see her once or twice a year for a few hrs. During that time I am overly nice an engaging so that when her (and MIL) are bitches it is very clear it is their problem not mine. My kids have almost no interaction with them bc DH recognizes how terrible they are (he didn't speak to them for 5 yrs before we met and I made him reconcile)