Ovulating and husband won't have sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - that's complicated. Dr's say my odds through IVF are almost the same as with intercourse, at this point. They recommend DE - husband doesn't feel comfortable.

Well, then if DE is the way to go, then there's no point in having sex. I know that sounds harsh, but based on what you've said, that seems to be the case. Clearly pushing him to "perform" is creating a lot of anxiety, bad feelings and alienation. Again, your energy needs to be about getting to a place where you are both committed to this marriage and having a child a DE.

[Anonymous]

OP here - we both want children (very much)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we both want children (very much)

But your husband also doesn't think your marriage will last and isn't willing to have sex to try to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

OP here - we are in therapy b/c we both want the marriage to work but it is still early days. Next steps if not my own eggs are hard.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with your husband. In one post you say he doesn't think your marriage will last and that's why he doesn't want to have sex. In another post you say he wants kids and wants the marriage to work. Clearly there is something going on on his end and you need to find out what it is.

[Anonymous]

Clearly there is a lot of confusion. He is doubting the marriage but I think (in his heart) hopes that we can work it out. However, we clearly have major issues ahead of us - esp. on how we feel about alternative options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly there is a lot of confusion. He is doubting the marriage but I think (in his heart) hopes that we can work it out. However, we clearly have major issues ahead of us - esp. on how we feel about alternative options

Then stop pushing him further away by pressuring him into sex because you're ovulating. I know you feel like you can't let one month go by without trying, but you have to let it go in order NOT to do more damage to your already fragile marriage.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't want to have sex when you're ovulating,you have more immediate issues to work on then alternative options. I really think you need to sit down with him and talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't want to have sex when you're ovulating,you have more immediate issues to work on then alternative options. I really think you need to sit down with him and talk.

+1. He is the one that doesn't want to do DE, but also doesn't want to have sex when you're ovulating. The natural result is that you just won't ever get pregnant if this continues. I think you both need to have an honest, calm conversation about where you stand, even though I'm sure it is complicated on all fronts.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your inputs. The issues are very emotionally charged and its hard to talk w/o a therapist present. Has anyone else experienced these same issues and any success stories?

[Anonymous]

Seems like he doesnt want to have a baby because he thinks the marriage wont last. After all, what man wants to have a baby with a woman who he is going to end up divorcing? No one wants to end up paying child support, go throught a child custody battle and/ or be tied down to a kid (unless they already have a kid).

You have too many underlying issues with your marriage that need to be resolved before you plan on having any kids.

[Anonymous]

23:28 here, I hope your marriage works out in the end and if you really want to have a baby...you are probably better off going to a sperm bank than having a baby with a man that you will be divorcing. Too many issues to deal with there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your inputs. The issues are very emotionally charged and its hard to talk w/o a therapist present. Has anyone else experienced these same issues and any success stories?

Right now, you have to simply wait until therapy to talk a about them. Until then, keep a journal? When you see the therapist next time, ask for strategies and/or ground rules that you and husband can use to talk about this outside of therapy. Also, if you're not doing so already, you would benefit from see the therapist alone as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we are in therapy b/c we both want the marriage to work but it is still early days. Next steps if not my own eggs are hard.

How long have you been married? How old are you and him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if that is where your husband stands you need to hold off on trying. But, let's say you get pregnant and get divorced. Are you prepared to be a single mom? Do you have the finances,help,etc.? I don't mean to be rude,but i think bringing a baby into not only a failing marriage but also a marriage where one person doesn't want a baby,is a really terrible idea.

I disagree with this assessment. IMO I would take the baby and dump the husband if not worth it and be happy with that decision.

IF almost crumbled my marriage and my husband did a lot of the same. Once we had kids - complete turn around. We still fight but we are committed to the marriage, one another, and the family. Seems that IF made him feel like a failure in not giving me what I most wanted.

To this day if the marriage fell apart I would always be grateful for the children that he gave me.