Ive missed my mom a long time
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Anonymous
| My mom died almost a year ago and she visits me in dreams, too. |
Anonymous
| I lost my mom 3 years ago and totally understand how you feel. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I am touched by reading all the responses.
I know there is a group called Motherless Daughters. There is a book, a group, etc. I just cant bring myself to connect with that because its overwhelming. I think if I went to a convention with a bunch of Motherless Daughters I might fall apart! At least at times... I feel for the PP who lost her mom so young. This is exactly what I hope to avoid with my own daughter. Going for a mammogram tomorrow- somewhat overdue. Its taken me a while to separate my grief over my mother from my fears of cancer and the fear of abandoning my daughter. I dont want her to become another motherless daughter too soon. Whatever "too soon" is. I keep hoping she can have me at least as long as I had my mom, till age 25. But its not like I get to put in a petition! Also I would not mind living a bit longer just for me. There is stuff I could do, etc. But what matters most to me is being there for my young daughter. I do find that its part of my identity to be motherless but that being a mother has helped replace that feeling. That is the closest thing to filling the void that I have been able to experience. |
Anonymous
| To the OP: I am the PP whose mother died when I was 14. Motherless Daughters was a very helpful book for me to read. Hope Edelman (the author) wrote a second book called Motherless Mothers a few years ago. It explores how early maternal loss shapes a woman's own experience of parenting when she enters motherhood. Very interesting. You might like to check it out. |
Anonymous
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OP here. PP, you're probably right. I may have looked at it while it was too fresh. Thanks for pointing out its merits.
Have you heard about the conventions? |
Anonymous
Do you mean the meet ups? I've never attended any, I think because like you I'm not sure if that would be emotionally overwhelming. I will say that when I happen to meet another woman who has lost their mom early in life I feel there's a connection there. I've had a few good conversations over the years with these women, and it's really helped me see that I'm not the only one dealing with this and my reactions aren't so odd. Hope you find someone like that in your circle of friends, OP! |
Anonymous
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Op here. THanks PP. I have met one woman who lost her mom and relates. But she is not in my circle of friends.
I have heard of the meetups too, but there are also full blown conventions! I do know I feel alone in my specific situation, which has some quirks to it. One is that my mom had that lump in her breast when I was about 5 years old. She kept going to the doctors and they kept saying it was nothing, or that they would monitor it. This went on till I was 12 when finally it was diagnosed. I am now 44 so we are talking about a very different time and way of dealing with breast issues. She died when I was 25. So its a weird one, to be blunt. It was clearly a slow growing cancer. I do not have an impressive history of breast cancer in my family. Mother was the youngest of four sisters. None had cancer, and neither did her mom. Mom's mom lived to about 80 cancer free. Her oldest sister drowned at 43. Middle two are going strong. They have daughters. None of them, so far, have BC. My mother had hormones given to her in postwar Germany, where hormone treatment for everything under the sun was all the rage. She went through puberty within weeks. She was about 12 but had been flat chested and not menstruating. By todays standard it is not premature, but it was artificially induced in her case. And god only knows what was in those shots. She had an ear infection, that is all I know. And that is what they gave to treat her. So while I was lucky to have her in my life till I was 25, there was an underlying issue for 20 total years. It took me a long time to reconcile issues of permanence, truth, medicine, "health", and so on. At 44 I may finally be on top of it. HAd a mammogram today, for example. (see my post under health: My 3D mammogram experience) I have a lot of male friends through my husband. Not a lot of female friends and none of them have a dead mother. There is one that is a new friend, and her mother died, and yes it was like an instant connection. Thanks PP and everyone for contributing to this post. (((hug)))) |
Anonymous
| I relate to many of the health concerns you mentioned in your post. My mother died of either ovarian or cervical cancer (no one is really sure and it was so long ago I've been unsuccessful getting medical records). Obviously, I'd like to know fror my own family history, not to mention for my teenage daughter. My sister recently had breast cancer and was tested for BRCA gene -- it was negative, thankfully. Anyway, I guess life doesn't hand out guarantees. I'm happy I've made it this far and hope for many more years in my kids' lives. Hoping you well, OP. |
Anonymous
| * wishing you well |
Anonymous
| Hi OP. My mom died when she was 51, and I was 26, so very close to your situation. That was 18 years ago - also very close to your timeline. I feel the same way. I really like how you talked about being on the planet while she was still on it as well. That was a very different (and great) feeling for me, like everything was okay, because Mom simply existed. It feels so different without her on the planet. Not as "safe", I guess, for lack of a better term. She was a great woman. Really. She was so smart and funny, and a truly good person. She was earnest - about living, loving, learning. She wasn't someone who was just getting by. I do see her in dreams. We used to talk in dreams early on, but now I see her, and feel the feeling of being with her. I do sometimes feel the pain of missing her so much I just cry suddenly, even after all these years. |
Anonymous
| How nice it is to read posts about people who loved their parents. My mother died whem I was four yrs. old and your posts show me how muvj I missed and made me cry. Peace to all of you |
Anonymous
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I hope I don't offend anyone by going all "God" here, but.... I read once that when we have those dreams that seem so real, they are, indeed, real. When we're sleeping, we're open so much more to what's out there on a spiritual level because we're not distracted by our every day life. When we sleep, our mind is at rest, and therefore, able to accept what else is out there for us to take in.
Have any of you every read the book, "Heaven is for Real"? It is absolutely beautiful and may bring you comfort. I know it has done that for me. One last thing: I also heard a medium say once that praying is the best way to let your loved ones know you're thinking of them. So, try it. Tell them you miss them. Tell them you love them. It might help you in coping with the pain that is indeed, still so real. I wish you all nothing but the best. Big hugs to you all. |
Anonymous
I read that book and it brought me so much comfort. I loved it. There is a children's book too. MY DC's and I read it over and over and they love it. The message in both books is wonderful. I'd definitely recommend. |
Anonymous
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OP, it sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your mom. Celebrate the fact that you had a good relationship even though it was shorter than you would like. My mom died about 10 years ago and I don't miss her at all. When she died, all these people came out of the woodwork and told me she was such a wonderful person, but she was never wonderful TO ME, so that made me sad.
Celebrate your great mom. |