Blackballing in Private/Independent Schools

[Anonymous]

RE 12:13

WOW! Any suggestions moving forward?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you by any chance the poster who had questions about getting out of a contract? If so, that was a parochial school, right? That may be a different kettle of fish in terms of trying to then send DC to a different parochial school. Having had kids at both an independent and a Catholic parish school, the politics between parish schools can be a little different than the relationships you see between independent schools when it comes to transfers. If you aren't the same poster, my apologies as this is unhelpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE 10:36:

This is the only incident/complaint, I've ever risen.
I know I was respectful. I know I just wanted to get a positive response. Yet, I felt like they were upset with me for questioning them. I also felt like they wanted to give me a soft warning about how I look at negative situations regarding my child.

I don't really believe that private schools generally deliver soft warnings, at least not more than once. If they like you, they'll delegate somebody to be direct. If they don't they'll find a reason to counsel you out. You might be in the latter category. It sounds undeserved, but these places do that.

Really? I've never seen a child counseled out because of nightmare parents, and there are plenty of nightmare parents.

[Anonymous]

RE:OP, are you by any chance the poster who had questions about getting out of a contract? If so, that was a parochial school, right? That may be a different kettle of fish in terms of trying to then send DC to a different parochial school. Having had kids at both an independent and a Catholic parish school, the politics between parish schools can be a little different than the relationships you see between independent schools when it comes to transfers. If you aren't the same poster, my apologies as this is unhelpful.



No not me! My child attends an Independent School. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE 10:36:

This is the only incident/complaint, I've ever risen.
I know I was respectful. I know I just wanted to get a positive response. Yet, I felt like they were upset with me for questioning them. I also felt like they wanted to give me a soft warning about how I look at negative situations regarding my child.

I don't really believe that private schools generally deliver soft warnings, at least not more than once. If they like you, they'll delegate somebody to be direct. If they don't they'll find a reason to counsel you out. You might be in the latter category. It sounds undeserved, but these places do that.

Really? I've never seen a child counseled out because of nightmare parents, and there are plenty of nightmare parents.

I'm definitly not a nightmare parent! LOL

But what type of situations have you seen, happen as a result of (nightmare parents) ???

[Anonymous]

OP, I do not think you should be too worried. I had a fairly large dissagreement with the head of school. We agreed to disagree, resloved things as best we could, and both moved on from the situation.

A year or two later one of my children applied out and the head was extremely helpful and gave my child a glowing reference.

I think it has to do with 1.) how gracefully you handled the disagreement and 2.) your child's overall reputation within the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I do not think you should be too worried. I had a fairly large dissagreement with the head of school. We agreed to disagree, resloved things as best we could, and both moved on from the situation.

A year or two later one of my children applied out and the head was extremely helpful and gave my child a glowing reference.

I think it has to do with 1.) how gracefully you handled the disagreement and 2.) your child's overall reputation within the school.

Thank you, this was very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I do not think you should be too worried. I had a fairly large dissagreement with the head of school. We agreed to disagree, resloved things as best we could, and both moved on from the situation.

A year or two later one of my children applied out and the head was extremely helpful and gave my child a glowing reference.

I think it has to do with 1.) how gracefully you handled the disagreement and 2.) your child's overall reputation within the school.

+1. I had a big disagreement with the head of a very well known school on this forum. It does truly matter how you handle it and how your child acts. We left the school for another and now it is water under the bridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Admissions officers talk to each other, so it is possible, but schools care about their exmissions so they don't badmouth their students to other schools. It doesn't sound like you were particularly confrontational so i wonder why you are concerned. Are you looking to leave the school before a traditional time?

I'm curious about the mention of "leaving before a traditional time".

Is that a major faux pas? DC didn't get into any schools we were super thrilled about this year. We're happy with where DC will go next year, but I doubt that we'll want to go through to graduation there. Given that schools have very specific expansion years and low acceptance rates, odds are that we will have to apply out more than once. Are we going to be hated forever at the school (and potentially every school they talk to?)

[Anonymous]

Honestly I don't think these schools care as much as people think.

[Anonymous]

Schools don't like losing students at non-traditional point (not the end of lower or middle school or the end of their program). Unless the schools have a wait list then they won't be happy that you are leaving and yes they will to keep you. this means that they might bad mouth you to the other school regardless of whether or not you had a squabble or not. If you did have a squabble then chases are they will definitely mention it. The schools definitely talk and most of them know each other. I was told that by the school I was visiting as well as with leadership at my old school.

We were bad mouth for sure, it was very evident. The school we were looking at pretty much admitted it.

Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

(setting previous disagreements at the school aside) I think if you handle things tactfully, applying out should be handled professionally. Sure, they may try to get you to stay, but if you have a reasonable story, I think it would reflect poorly on a school that undermined your child's application just to keep you there. Honestly, if you ever found out that had happened - you'd probably leave their school anyway for acting so unethically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I do not think you should be too worried. I had a fairly large dissagreement with the head of school. We agreed to disagree, resloved things as best we could, and both moved on from the situation.

A year or two later one of my children applied out and the head was extremely helpful and gave my child a glowing reference.

I think it has to do with 1.) how gracefully you handled the disagreement and 2.) your child's overall reputation within the school.

Maybe you got the glowing reference because they were really glad you were leaving? Happens in the federal government all the time. I learned the hard way to be very suspicious if the reference for the employee is TOO glowing.

I've never seen a good kid counseled out because of bad parents, but I have seen problem kids counseled out when their parents blamed the school for the kid's issues.

[Anonymous]

Can it happen that a head of school makes it difficult to leave and "blackballs" a family? Yes. Has it happened in this area? Yes. There is only one school in the area that has the problem though and if DC attends it (or has) you know which one it is, otherwise, you should be fine. It's very rare and very strange.

[Anonymous]

Wow, never had that happen, but I have been in a situation 2x where the head of the school badmouthed the school we were interested in applying to. We ended up staying both times, but now I am really beginning to wonder if what they said about those schools was true, or if they were simply doing everything they could to keep us.