looking to move and grandparents aren't happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhat in a similar situation here. We would juuuuuuust about break even (if we are lucky) on our Fairfax townhouse if we sold now, but even then, that would leave us with no $$ to buy a new house. Yet, my mom keeps telling me, "Just put it on the market. . you never know!" b/c she wants us to move closer to where she and my dad live in McLean (where I grew up). I keep scratching my head at this "advice" b/c it is so nuts to me. She does not understand that if we sold this house now, WE WOULD BE HOMELESS b/c we cannot then afford a NEW one. Moreover, we are in a location where the Silver Line (phase II) will be down the street for us, but that is still at least 5 or more years away. So, no one in our neighborhood wants to sell now and everyone is sitting on their properties until (hopefully) there is a boost in the housing values when the Metro is complete (or when it's closer to being complete). My mom is basically the only person in the universe who keeps telling us, "I'd just put it on the market. You never know!" BANG HEAD AGAINST WALL.

Your mom is complaining that you live in Fairfax and she lives in McLean? Seriously???

YES!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhat in a similar situation here. We would juuuuuuust about break even (if we are lucky) on our Fairfax townhouse if we sold now, but even then, that would leave us with no $$ to buy a new house. Yet, my mom keeps telling me, "Just put it on the market. . you never know!" b/c she wants us to move closer to where she and my dad live in McLean (where I grew up). I keep scratching my head at this "advice" b/c it is so nuts to me. She does not understand that if we sold this house now, WE WOULD BE HOMELESS b/c we cannot then afford a NEW one. Moreover, we are in a location where the Silver Line (phase II) will be down the street for us, but that is still at least 5 or more years away. So, no one in our neighborhood wants to sell now and everyone is sitting on their properties until (hopefully) there is a boost in the housing values when the Metro is complete (or when it's closer to being complete). My mom is basically the only person in the universe who keeps telling us, "I'd just put it on the market. You never know!" BANG HEAD AGAINST WALL.

Your mom is complaining that you live in Fairfax and she lives in McLean? Seriously???

I was thinking the same thing. It's not that you're in Fairfax and they're in Rhode Island!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhat in a similar situation here. We would juuuuuuust about break even (if we are lucky) on our Fairfax townhouse if we sold now, but even then, that would leave us with no $$ to buy a new house. Yet, my mom keeps telling me, "Just put it on the market. . you never know!" b/c she wants us to move closer to where she and my dad live in McLean (where I grew up). I keep scratching my head at this "advice" b/c it is so nuts to me. She does not understand that if we sold this house now, WE WOULD BE HOMELESS b/c we cannot then afford a NEW one. Moreover, we are in a location where the Silver Line (phase II) will be down the street for us, but that is still at least 5 or more years away. So, no one in our neighborhood wants to sell now and everyone is sitting on their properties until (hopefully) there is a boost in the housing values when the Metro is complete (or when it's closer to being complete). My mom is basically the only person in the universe who keeps telling us, "I'd just put it on the market. You never know!" BANG HEAD AGAINST WALL.

Your mom is complaining that you live in Fairfax and she lives in McLean? Seriously???

I was thinking the same thing. It's not that you're in Fairfax and they're in Rhode Island!

I know. She is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somewhat in a similar situation here. We would juuuuuuust about break even (if we are lucky) on our Fairfax townhouse if we sold now, but even then, that would leave us with no $$ to buy a new house. Yet, my mom keeps telling me, "Just put it on the market. . you never know!" b/c she wants us to move closer to where she and my dad live in McLean (where I grew up). I keep scratching my head at this "advice" b/c it is so nuts to me. She does not understand that if we sold this house now, WE WOULD BE HOMELESS b/c we cannot then afford a NEW one. Moreover, we are in a location where the Silver Line (phase II) will be down the street for us, but that is still at least 5 or more years away. So, no one in our neighborhood wants to sell now and everyone is sitting on their properties until (hopefully) there is a boost in the housing values when the Metro is complete (or when it's closer to being complete). My mom is basically the only person in the universe who keeps telling us, "I'd just put it on the market. You never know!" BANG HEAD AGAINST WALL.

OP here. I get the same as well but for other things. They want us to stay close or move closer but without any thought given to the fact that DH and I would be jobless or have to work even harder to make ends meet if we moved closer to them. Honestly, if anyone needs to move, it's them. They're the ones paying high taxes and living in too much house-- 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms for a married couple. Even if we had the money and jobs, we lack the desire to move there.

[Anonymous]

My parents are the same. They live in Paris and want us to move there, without considering that:
1. We cannot find jobs there!
2. Even if we did, it would mean a pay cut that meant
3. We could not afford a bilingual school (state schools are not all that)
4. And we could not afford a nice place in the city which means that the traffic and commute would be much worse than here!

Yet they suggest it ALL the time. Can I join you in your head-banging?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are the same. They live in Paris and want us to move there, without considering that:
1. We cannot find jobs there!
2. Even if we did, it would mean a pay cut that meant
3. We could not afford a bilingual school (state schools are not all that)
4. And we could not afford a nice place in the city which means that the traffic and commute would be much worse than here!

Yet they suggest it ALL the time. Can I join you in your head-banging?

Absolutely! Come on in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to them moving nearby, once you move?

Damn, this thread is depressing. I picture myself old and alone, listening to the clock tick and The Skype calls to ring. What is wrong with you pp? Don't you get it, that family and grandchildren can mean so much to our aging parents? I'm only 32 but I'm ashamed for those who treat their parents like they're a nuisance. OP your mom wants her family in her life, and she is anxious so she is badgering you. Time for a sit-down talk. PPs with healthy parental relationships, go call your parents; they miss you.

Don't be an idiot. OP is doing nothing of the sort. Parents don't get to dictate where their adult children live or otherwise control their lives, especially under the passive-aggressive guise of "I want you in my life." There's a world of difference between catering to your retired parents' every wish and treatign them respectfully and taking into account their needs and desires. Frankly, I bet that if OP's parents weren't such PITAs, she'd be a lot more amenable to living near them (if finances permit).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are the same. They live in Paris and want us to move there, without considering that:
1. We cannot find jobs there!
2. Even if we did, it would mean a pay cut that meant
3. We could not afford a bilingual school (state schools are not all that)
4. And we could not afford a nice place in the city which means that the traffic and commute would be much worse than here!

Yet they suggest it ALL the time. Can I join you in your head-banging?

Yikes! Sounds like the "It's All About Me" onesie should be made in adult sizes

What I find most troubling about these situations is that the GPs are not treating the younger couple with children as a family unit and respecting that there's also a son or daughter IL who have their own wishes for their families as well as parents to contend with. I can't imagine going to my DH and saying, "honey, we need to move. My mom said so and she doesn't care if you don't like their neighborhood-- you'll learn to love it as much as they do, of course!!-- or will have to take out a massive loan to make it work. It's just what she wants so she can visit GC every day!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are the same. They live in Paris and want us to move there, without considering that:
1. We cannot find jobs there!
2. Even if we did, it would mean a pay cut that meant
3. We could not afford a bilingual school (state schools are not all that)
4. And we could not afford a nice place in the city which means that the traffic and commute would be much worse than here!

Yet they suggest it ALL the time. Can I join you in your head-banging?

Yikes! Sounds like the "It's All About Me" onesie should be made in adult sizes

What I find most troubling about these situations is that the GPs are not treating the younger couple with children as a family unit and respecting that there's also a son or daughter IL who have their own wishes for their families as well as parents to contend with. I can't imagine going to my DH and saying, "honey, we need to move. My mom said so and she doesn't care if you don't like their neighborhood-- you'll learn to love it as much as they do, of course!!-- or will have to take out a massive loan to make it work. It's just what she wants so she can visit GC every day!"

THIS. This is it exactly.

[Anonymous]

Maybe its because the only other cities I am interested in moving to are just as, if not more expensive than DC, but I never quite understand the threads about moving to less expensive cities. Don't lower cost of living cities also come with lower salaries? If you can find a way around that (maybe telecommuting jobs with DC salaries?) then you have certainly found the magic bullet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to them moving nearby, once you move?

Damn, this thread is depressing. I picture myself old and alone, listening to the clock tick and The Skype calls to ring. What is wrong with you pp? Don't you get it, that family and grandchildren can mean so much to our aging parents? I'm only 32 but I'm ashamed for those who treat their parents like they're a nuisance. OP your mom wants her family in her life, and she is anxious so she is badgering you. Time for a sit-down talk. PPs with healthy parental relationships, go call your parents; they miss you.

Don't be an idiot. OP is doing nothing of the sort. Parents don't get to dictate where their adult children live or otherwise control their lives, especially under the passive-aggressive guise of "I want you in my life." There's a world of difference between catering to your retired parents' every wish and treatign them respectfully and taking into account their needs and desires. Frankly, I bet that if OP's parents weren't such PITAs, she'd be a lot more amenable to living near them (if finances permit).

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe its because the only other cities I am interested in moving to are just as, if not more expensive than DC, but I never quite understand the threads about moving to less expensive cities. Don't lower cost of living cities also come with lower salaries? If you can find a way around that (maybe telecommuting jobs with DC salaries?) then you have certainly found the magic bullet!

It's also about priorities and quality of life. I lived in NY for a few years and even if you earn $100K, you pay high city taxes, are limited to a small studio apartment with cockroaches (it doesn't matter how clean you are, they will be there and the exterminator does nothing) or a one bedroom in a bad neighborhood, the subway system is falling apart, the summer is brutal and owning a car costs a fortune unless you earn a lot more than $100K or are willing to spend a lot of time driving in circles trying to find a space. I'd rather earn, say, $80K for the same job in a place where I don't need a can of Raid, wake up to mountains and drive to work in 5, 10 mins.

[Anonymous]

Live where you want to and establish your family as your own nuclear family. It's REALLY important that you do. Don't feel that you have to explain your choices. You have already done that, anyway. It's rude for people (anyone) to keep pushing you. If the subject comes up again cut it off with "ok thanks" and change the subject or hang up. After you do that a few times it will end. When you know where you are moving, tell your parents and invite them over when you are settled. They are afraid of losing touch. They will adjust and you, DH, and DC will grow. Grandparents can still be a healthy part of your family without being overbearing.

[Anonymous]

OP, please consider the following: your parents just might be right about the concern that other areas might not provide the same opportunities for your children as does the DC area. Especially since you don't even have a clear idea what exactly you want and where do you want to live.

Also, it is admirable that your parents want to have a relationship with your children. Visiting once or twice is not nearly the same as growing up with grandma and grandpa. I wish I had in-laws who want to be involved in their grandchildren's lives like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please consider the following: your parents just might be right about the concern that other areas might not provide the same opportunities for your children as does the DC area. Especially since you don't even have a clear idea what exactly you want and where do you want to live.

Also, it is admirable that your parents want to have a relationship with your children. Visiting once or twice is not nearly the same as growing up with grandma and grandpa. I wish I had in-laws who want to be involved in their grandchildren's lives like that.

Yes, and when you live in DC, the area does not provide the same opportunities for your children as say, Boston, Chicago, Ithaca, NY, Portland, Maine, or elsewhere. So what?