Fearing having to deal with a grandmazilla

[Anonymous]

My mother AND MIL were the same way with our first! I didn't call to tell them I was in labor until it was time to push. They both made it to the hospital before we were even move to recovery (one set is localish, 2 hour drive the other a 2 hour fligh)

[Anonymous]

My mom publicly LOST it when I said I was planning on playing it by ear re: having visitors. This in response to her demanding that I let her know as soon as my contractions started b/c it was going to take her 4 hours to drive down to the hospital from her place.

DO NOT CALL until you're ready to have visitors. And make really sure that you're ready, too. With DS2, we called right after the birth, before my epidural had worn off or I was settled in the recovery room etc. I directly link being occupied with visitors to my full bladder going undiagnosed. The overdistension resulted in me using a catheter for the next month. (I was lucky to not lose my bladder completely.) I obviously don't blame my folks--it was my decision to let them come, and I own that--but if I ever have a third, I'm definitely postponing that call again.

[Anonymous]

PP, what do you mean "full bladder going undiagnosed"?

[Anonymous]

OMG. I thought I would not make it through pregnancy and delivery with my MIL. She would sit at dinner and demand equal access and tell me things like if my parents were going to be in the delivery room so was she. My dad is a doctor and I did not have him in the room with me. I really did want my mom with me. My thought was she and my husband could tag team helping me -- I did not have a doula. My MIL is a nice lady, but I hadn't known her long enough to have her in the delivery room with me and to feel comfortable. The wife of a friend of mine wanted her MIL over her own mother because her MIL had been a nurse. Mine was not and is just basically a noodge who just didn't/doesn't want my mom (or dad) to "get" more than she does. I finally looked her in the eye over dinner one night and said, "MIL, my mother and my husband will be the only two people in the delivery room with me besides the medical personnel. I am 30+ years old and I have the final say on who sees my vagina. You are not one of those people." I went on to say that she could respect my decision and in return we would call her when we went to the hospital and that she could come visit as soon as we were settled in the room after birth. I also told her that if she did not respect my decision that she wouldn't get a call until we were home from the hospital. All during my speech I was calm and pleasant and matter of fact.

I found out later that some of her friends took my side when she complained to them about my come to Jesus with her. I have had one more come to Jesus talk with her over another subject and it was equally productive. I rarely have any difficulty with her now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. I thought I would not make it through pregnancy and delivery with my MIL. She would sit at dinner and demand equal access and tell me things like if my parents were going to be in the delivery room so was she. My dad is a doctor and I did not have him in the room with me. I really did want my mom with me. My thought was she and my husband could tag team helping me -- I did not have a doula. My MIL is a nice lady, but I hadn't known her long enough to have her in the delivery room with me and to feel comfortable. The wife of a friend of mine wanted her MIL over her own mother because her MIL had been a nurse. Mine was not and is just basically a noodge who just didn't/doesn't want my mom (or dad) to "get" more than she does. I finally looked her in the eye over dinner one night and said, "MIL, my mother and my husband will be the only two people in the delivery room with me besides the medical personnel. I am 30+ years old and I have the final say on who sees my vagina. You are not one of those people." I went on to say that she could respect my decision and in return we would call her when we went to the hospital and that she could come visit as soon as we were settled in the room after birth. I also told her that if she did not respect my decision that she wouldn't get a call until we were home from the hospital. All during my speech I was calm and pleasant and matter of fact.

I found out later that some of her friends took my side when she complained to them about my come to Jesus with her. I have had one more come to Jesus talk with her over another subject and it was equally productive. I rarely have any difficulty with her now.

I wish I could be like you, PP, calm and respectful. Instead, I usually get agitated and visibly upset.