If your DC goes to a Big 3 do you feel pressure about them getting into a "good" school?

[Anonymous]

19:52/20:19 again. I just want to emphasize that whatever you're feeling right now when you deal with other parents, even if it's understandable, is unimportant in the scheme of things. Even if the letters are disappointing, you only have 2 more months to ride it out and then you'll never see these people again. What IS important is that your kid, who has presumably done his best all along, sees that you're happy with the college he gets into, that you help him get perspective on all this, and that you're proud of him. That's really all that matters in the long run.

[Anonymous]

The competitive parenting around this issue is real and ugly. And it is much worse at the "big 3" schools than other privates, that also send kids to great colleges.

OP, be proud of your DC for showing the self-awareness to not get caught up in all that.

Back in the 1970s at NCS they used to post a list of where each girl applied and then they put check marks by the schools she got in, a master list put up in a hallway. It was taken down when a girl attempted suicide.

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel any better, OP, my kids have attended two non "Big 3" privates that do this, one high school, and one k-8 that published where the graduating eighth graders were going to high school. I always thought it was a marketing thing, at least in part. It's something a lot of prospective families will ask, so you might as well have a list ready for them. I think it's a bit of a scam when they just publish the admits, because sometimes the "top" schools were all acceptances for the same one or two kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes, the college acceptance list (sometimes matriculation list) is for the school's marketing. It's not really meant to be helpful to families, and I'm sure OP is not alone among parents in wishing it would go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Good" schools are a status symbol among the kids. Some can't wait to add Yale or Stanford to their FB profile. I guess Harvard, too.

Kids should be rightfully proud of gaining admission to those schools. Dismissing it as a "status" symbol betrays your own insecurity and envy.

Let me guess Proud Parent, you encouraged junior to update his FB profile after he received the email acceptance.

During my DC's graduation year, it was frowned upon to apply at Princeton with its lunch clubs, etc, it was viewed as uncool. The truth is most kids don't know very much about the schools that they apply to, they're more interested in name recognition for the bragging rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:19:52/20:19 again. I just want to emphasize that whatever you're feeling right now when you deal with other parents, even if it's understandable, is unimportant in the scheme of things. Even if the letters are disappointing, you only have 2 more months to ride it out and then you'll never see these people again. What IS important is that your kid, who has presumably done his best all along, sees that you're happy with the college he gets into, that you help him get perspective on all this, and that you're proud of him. That's really all that matters in the long run.

I agree, PP. OP, you'll never see these people again, thank God. Make your kid's feelings the priority here. You can't allow him to walk away from this experience feeling like he disappointed you.

[Anonymous]

I went to NCS and ended up at University of Chicago. I was in the middle of my class and this was considered and "ok" outcome. I didn't realize how warped that perception was until I got out of school into the real world. In short, YES there is a lot of pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The competitive parenting around this issue is real and ugly. And it is much worse at the "big 3" schools than other privates, that also send kids to great colleges.

OP, be proud of your DC for showing the self-awareness to not get caught up in all that.

Back in the 1970s at NCS they used to post a list of where each girl applied and then they put check marks by the schools she got in, a master list put up in a hallway. It was taken down when a girl attempted suicide.

So true. That's why I hate it when the conversation on these forums veers to the Big 3. Lot's of nice kids attend and I know nice parents as well but the use of these schools for bragging rights by a great many insecure parents is tiresome and boorish beyond measure. No one knows about or cares about the Big 3 outside of Washington. No one is impressed by the Big 3 outside of Washington.

I really feel sorry for OP's kid. Worrying that your kid will be outed and you'll be embarrassed because he/she doesn't attend a school that you deem worthy of respect. Way to make your kid feel lousy about himself. It's disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Have a middle-of-the-pack (but with a hook) DC at a Big 3. Hoping DC can make the transition to college relatively unscathed. I personally know there are many, many colleges and unis out there that can meet DC's needs. Hope DC doesn't buy in to the elite b.s.

[Anonymous]

Back in the 1970s at NCS they used to post a list of where each girl applied and then they put check marks by the schools she got in, a master list put up in a hallway. It was taken down when a girl attempted suicide.


I smell a rat ... who would know all this? And what parent would put up with it -- even before suicide.

[Anonymous]

Several posters are citing their experience as high school students decades ago. This is somewhat interesting as a historical digression, but a lot has changed since then and these posts don't shed much light on the OP's question (assuming OP is not a troll, but is merely overanxious and in need of medication).

And, to the NCS alum who posted that she got into the UofC with a GPA in the middle of the class: Congrats -- your alma mater is now ranked 4th (tied with Columbia) in the US News college rankings! Things change a great deal indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Back in the 1970s at NCS they used to post a list of where each girl applied and then they put check marks by the schools she got in, a master list put up in a hallway. It was taken down when a girl attempted suicide.


I smell a rat ... who would know all this? And what parent would put up with it -- even before suicide.

I'm PP and I know it because I was there. It was an attempted suicide and it was a girl in my class. Thats when they took the list down.

[Anonymous]

Why did parents put up with it? (1) it was the 1970s -- parents were less involved, (2) how many people really confront these schools on such practices, even today? How long were they publishign the list of where students were going to college in the NCS paper, recently? (3) most kids were not traumatized by it, but obviously some were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did parents put up with it? (1) it was the 1970s -- parents were less involved, (2) how many people really confront these schools on such practices, even today? How long were they publishign the list of where students were going to college in the NCS paper, recently? (3) most kids were not traumatized by it, but obviously some were.

You have a DD at Holton now, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did parents put up with it? (1) it was the 1970s -- parents were less involved, (2) how many people really confront these schools on such practices, even today? How long were they publishign the list of where students were going to college in the NCS paper, recently? (3) most kids were not traumatized by it, but obviously some were.

You have a DD at Holton now, right?

No.