"Mixed" Marriages

[Anonymous]

I was raised Catholic and DH is Protestant . We were married in Catholic Church, attended pre-Cana classes where he agreed to kids raised as Catholics. Our 3 children were baptised and raised in the church. I grew up attending mass weekly while his family attended their services occassionally. He understood before we were married that religion was more important to me than to him. Therefore, I have taken on all religious responsibilities. After a few years of not being able to attend church regularly because of the countries we were living in, now that we are back in the States I take three grumbling kids to mass on Sunday, enrolled them in CCD and help them with their CCD work, ensured they make communion and confirmation. Sometimes it is like being a single parent with regard to religion, but I knew that going into it. He does attend mass on Christmas and Easter and attended their major religious events but kids do ask why he does not have to get out of bed on Sunday morning.

If you want to bring your children into the church, I believe many CCD programs will accommodate getting them into classes so they make the Sacraments. Each of my kids had a few older kids in their first communion class and my eldest was a grade behind at confirmation as he missed a few years of CCD overseas. Good luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PP. I was surprised to see this thread come back to life and really grateful for your comments about the accomodations for kids who are not on the regular schedule. I will look into it. So far he has not said I could not take them, although he has said he will never go and church should be a family thing ideally. There is a great church with a flexible mass schedule very near our house. At least if I start taking them there maybe that will push him to try one of the Protestant churches I have been suggesting if he really wants this to be a family thing.

Thanks to the other posters who had helpful comments, too. As for the backbone people, you don't have all the facts because I have not written them. It's easy to say you will just do xyz when you are not in the situation. My parents would be thrilled if I returned to the Catholic Church, but are happy as long as I am Christian. They knew long ago this was highly unlikely given the facts about DH's family, and my parents and I really respect and admire the reasons for their commitment to their religion. No one gets her own way all the time, and I feel one of the marks of a good marriage is knowing when something is so important you don't mess with it. This is one of them. I have my "big important things," too, and DH respects them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. I was surprised to see this thread come back to life and really grateful for your comments about the accomodations for kids who are not on the regular schedule. I will look into it. So far he has not said I could not take them, although he has said he will never go and church should be a family thing ideally. There is a great church with a flexible mass schedule very near our house. At least if I start taking them there maybe that will push him to try one of the Protestant churches I have been suggesting if he really wants this to be a family thing.

Thanks to the other posters who had helpful comments, too. As for the backbone people, you don't have all the facts because I have not written them. It's easy to say you will just do xyz when you are not in the situation. My parents would be thrilled if I returned to the Catholic Church, but are happy as long as I am Christian. They knew long ago this was highly unlikely given the facts about DH's family, and my parents and I really respect and admire the reasons for their commitment to their religion. No one gets her own way all the time, and I feel one of the marks of a good marriage is knowing when something is so important you don't mess with it. This is one of them. I have my "big important things," too, and DH respects them.

DH respects them only to the extent that his family does.

Just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. I was surprised to see this thread come back to life and really grateful for your comments about the accomodations for kids who are not on the regular schedule. I will look into it. So far he has not said I could not take them, although he has said he will never go and church should be a family thing ideally. There is a great church with a flexible mass schedule very near our house. At least if I start taking them there maybe that will push him to try one of the Protestant churches I have been suggesting if he really wants this to be a family thing.

Thanks to the other posters who had helpful comments, too. As for the backbone people, you don't have all the facts because I have not written them. It's easy to say you will just do xyz when you are not in the situation. My parents would be thrilled if I returned to the Catholic Church, but are happy as long as I am Christian. They knew long ago this was highly unlikely given the facts about DH's family, and my parents and I really respect and admire the reasons for their commitment to their religion. No one gets her own way all the time, and I feel one of the marks of a good marriage is knowing when something is so important you don't mess with it. This is one of them. I have my "big important things," too, and DH respects them.

You are in serious denial. What would you advise your kids if they were adults in this situation?

[Anonymous]

I would advise my children to do what they think is right. And no, we do not consult his family on much of anything, and he does respectw hen I feel strongly about something even when he would make a different choice. For example, in a year when money is EXTREMELY tight for us, DH did not object, other than once saying I needed to think about whether it was wise given our circumstances this year, when I gave a five figure gift to my college for an important milestone reunion. He didn't consult his family. I didn't consult them. Why would we? It was important to me, so I did it, and he hasn't said a word about it since.

You are assuming things without knowing anything. And the last thing I am going to do is write or hint at the relevant facts here regarding DH's family's religious choice because I am not "outing" myself, DH or his family here on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

You are responsible for your own soul; your ILs, even your own husband, can't carry the weight of your relationship with God. You need to do what you are called to do. It's nice to have family unity in this regard, but at the end of your life, only you will be called to account for your decisions.

I grew up in a family with mixed religions and I felt my life was enriched by that. Your children and your marriage will be fine if you end up on somewhat different paths towards God.

[Anonymous]

Try the episcopal church, seriously.