Baby Shower: When and Where?

[Anonymous]

i ended up throwing my own baby shower and struggled with the etiquette of doing so. i really didn't want it to be perceived as tacky or grabby - i couldn't have cared less if anyone brought me anything! I just wanted to see my friends and didn't care if they brought gifts.

but the reason i did throw it myself was because i have a lot of friends who are not all in the same circles, and i wanted to be able to include all of them without sticking someone else with the work and expense of feeding 35-40 people. quite a few of them offered to throw the shower or to help out, but for me it would have been weird and awkward expecting friends A, B, C and D to coordinate amongst themselves when they didn't really know each other well, and I would have been mortified at the thought of them spending a lot of money on it. if my friends hadn't been offering to throw the shower, i probably wouldn't have had one in the first place. (and just spent the money i spent on food and alcohol on buying the baby's stuff.)

anyway, i stressed that this was more of a social get-together than a traditional baby shower and that gifts were completely optional and would not be opened at the shower unless by special request. (i've always found this to be kind of vulgar, and feel like it can make people feel bad for spending less when others have gone overboard.) I bought a bunch of party platters and drinks and paper goods, and had everyone over to a friend's apartment for a few hours on a saturday. everyone ate, drank and mingled and seemed to have a good time. when a few of them asked why i'd thrown it myself i just said, "frankly, i didn't want anyone else to have to pay for it. and let's face it, this is the last big bash i'll throw for a long time, that doesn't have a cartoon character theme!"

[Anonymous]

Not to hijack the OP, but what about 2nd babies. I am currently 5m pg with baby #2. Baby #1 is 2.5yo, so we till have all of the baby "stuff", but is a different gender (I'm having a boy this time so a lot of the pink stuff won't work!). All of my family is out of town and many of my good friends, so with #1, my 2 BF's hosted the shower. They had to fly in as did several family members. The remaining guests were local friends.

I really didn't expect a shower from anyone this time around since it's baby #2 and I don't think my family or out-of-town friends are expecting to be invited to another shower. So, I am a little embarrassed (but completely grateful of the thought) that a coworker and a local friend (who don't know each other) have each hinted about having a baby shower. I don't know what to say to either of them.

As for the co-worker, she may just be thinking of a little lunch gathering at work to celebrate which would be really nice since I am in a new department at my agency and they weren't involved in the last work baby shower. I think they just want to do something nice.

As for my friend (& co-worker of DH), I don't know what to tell her b/c I don't think anyone is planning to fly in for another shower and we don't have that many local friends. A lot of our friends are from work, so if my work already has a "shower" celebration, then it would just be people from DH's work which I only know a few of them well and feel kind of weird about it. I threw her shower here (she had another back in her home town), so I hope she doesn't feel obligated.

I suggested that maybe we could do more of a "night out" with just a few close friends, but she said there are a lot of people from their work that she wanted to invite. Also, we live pretty far away, so would it be weird for her to host it at our house.

[Anonymous]

PP, if it were me, I would tell my work friend that a happy hour or lunch celebration would be great, and I would tell the friend that I've decided to skip a shower for the second baby (assuming that's how you feel).

You'll get plenty of girly gifts once the baby is here, I'd bet.

Having just had a shower two months ago, I can't imagine doing it again for a second. I don't think I've ever been to a shower for a second baby myself, actually.

[Anonymous]

One other thought (PP here).

Maybe your friend from DH's work would do a lunch or happy hour with HIS work friends that you could come to. My office once did that for a guy we worked with whose wife was pregnant -- none of us were close enough to her that we'd be invited to the shower, so we asked her to come to our office and we had a little noontime shower for them. It was nice.

[Anonymous]

is it really considered tacky for your Mom to throw you a shower???? I never would have thought that in a million years. I guess traditionally it was seen as family being "gift greedy" ... but what about birthday parties, graduation parties, engagement parties? is it also considered tacky for immediate family to throw those? I will have to check my Emily Post ...

[Anonymous]

I think a shower is different from the other parties you mentioned, OP, because of the word "shower"...which means the entire point of the party is to be showered with gifts. Same thing with a bridal shower.

Personally, I think it is tacky for a spouse or a mom to throw any kind of shower....siblings and inlaws, I think is fine.

That's just me though.

[Anonymous]

My sister gave me a surprise baby shower when I was 7 months pregnant and still able to travel. We had it at a tex mex restaurant, which was very festive and super accomodating...it was a blast. I think having a sister do the shower is fine, especially if no one else is stepping up or offering. I didn't expect a thing, and it was so fun and memorable...they even made special pink drinks (e.g., margaritas for those who could drink, shirley temples for the non-drinkers) in honor of our baby girl!

I think it's appropriate to wait until the mom-to-be looks pregnant and is in the "safe" zone of the third trimester....