What would you do? My good kid pays the price.

[Anonymous]

I would send a note copied to Principal echoing teacher's words. "I understand that you think it is helpful for Jack to have Jane sitting next to him, however I believe it is not in Jane's best interest. I have noticed a change in her work habits since you have instituted this seating arrangement. She is distracted and finds it difficult to pay attention to you. I ask that you please rotate seats with other students to provide them all with an equal opportunity for quieter seating.

In the meantime remind your daughter that the other child is just looking for an audience. She could angle her body in the desk away from him, look the other way or just put her finger to her lips in the shush sign to indicate that she's not going to engage with him.

[Anonymous]

My daughter (3rd grade) was seated next to a talker for the same reason - She was focused; he was not.

She finally told the teacher she couldn't take it much longer. And so she was moved.

her doing, not mine

Has your daughter advocated for herself?

[Anonymous]

Ear plugs would help your daughter get her work done, even if the boy is noisy.

And a small taser would help to keep the boy from being distracting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unhappy right now that my daughter is seated next to a boy she that she is good for, but that is bad for her. The teacher has told her she is good for him and therefore will continue to keep them seated together, but when DD doesn't get her in class work done or does badly on a test, she says he distracted her. Plus, we have at least two hard to control kids in each of our 2nd grade classrooms (all are out of bounds transfers). I saw the post on the GT and I am wondering if it might provide a better learning environment than this craziness in our "good" MCPS elementary that is being made a less than optimum environment because no transfer is ever turned down.

This was my DD in ES. She is NOT the teacher's assistant, or the SN assistant. There was nothing I could do to get her out of that role, which was very damaging to her, and discriminatory as well. None of the PTA mom's daughters were required to babysit for the SN/EMO kids. She was 8-9 years old (4th grade). She is there to get an education. It was a deciding factor in moving to a private school -- I wish we had done it sooner. Your DD is NOT the teachers assistant, and no amount of "shaming" to get her to do it by the teacher calling her names will change that. I hope you are successful, and good luck.

So demeaning. Glad my SN child is not at your school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unhappy right now that my daughter is seated next to a boy she that she is good for, but that is bad for her. The teacher has told her she is good for him and therefore will continue to keep them seated together, but when DD doesn't get her in class work done or does badly on a test, she says he distracted her. Plus, we have at least two hard to control kids in each of our 2nd grade classrooms (all are out of bounds transfers). I saw the post on the GT and I am wondering if it might provide a better learning environment than this craziness in our "good" MCPS elementary that is being made a less than optimum environment because no transfer is ever turned down.

This was my DD in ES. She is NOT the teacher's assistant, or the SN assistant. There was nothing I could do to get her out of that role, which was very damaging to her, and discriminatory as well. None of the PTA mom's daughters were required to babysit for the SN/EMO kids. She was 8-9 years old (4th grade). She is there to get an education. It was a deciding factor in moving to a private school -- I wish we had done it sooner. Your DD is NOT the teachers assistant, and no amount of "shaming" to get her to do it by the teacher calling her names will change that. I hope you are successful, and good luck.

So demeaning. Glad my SN child is not at your school.

NP here. Why is that demeaning? Some times the truth is the truth and, quite often, statements like the first poster's are true. Teachers don't want to deal with the parents (mostly moms) who are at the school and willing to get in their face about something if it isn't just.so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unhappy right now that my daughter is seated next to a boy she that she is good for, but that is bad for her. The teacher has told her she is good for him and therefore will continue to keep them seated together, but when DD doesn't get her in class work done or does badly on a test, she says he distracted her. Plus, we have at least two hard to control kids in each of our 2nd grade classrooms (all are out of bounds transfers). I saw the post on the GT and I am wondering if it might provide a better learning environment than this craziness in our "good" MCPS elementary that is being made a less than optimum environment because no transfer is ever turned down.

This was my DD in ES. She is NOT the teacher's assistant, or the SN assistant. There was nothing I could do to get her out of that role, which was very damaging to her, and discriminatory as well. None of the PTA mom's daughters were required to babysit for the SN/EMO kids. She was 8-9 years old (4th grade). She is there to get an education. It was a deciding factor in moving to a private school -- I wish we had done it sooner. Your DD is NOT the teachers assistant, and no amount of "shaming" to get her to do it by the teacher calling her names will change that. I hope you are successful, and good luck.

So demeaning. Glad my SN child is not at your school.

Not the PP, but how is this demeaning?

[Anonymous]

Babysit the SN kids. Bright and sensitive moms on the board for sure!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I actually only saw a couple of the responses.

I admit that I have a problem with my school needing portables because of the out of bounds kids, and I would rather have a rule that we accept no out of bounds kids. We'd have a different set of problems, including probably losing some good teachers to other schools, and other kids acting out. At least three of the troubled kids that are OOB are actually from a less diverse, highly educated families, so who ever suggested that I don't like them because they are diverse can go rethink their comment. I just come from a small town where you go to school in your neighborhood and play the hand you are dealt. I don't get the "playing of the system" that seems to go on all over this area. I have no idea if the boy next to my DD is OOB.

As for this boy, my daughter has been told by the teacher than when she reseats the kids, she and he will stay together. She adores him. She is actually really happy to stay next to him, it is me that isn't.

I had a discussion with my daughter that she needs to figure out how to work with him sitting there and not get distracted. I emphasized that if I saw evidence in classwork and test performance that she was distracted, I would talk to the teacher about reseating her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually only saw a couple of the responses.

I admit that I have a problem with my school needing portables because of the out of bounds kids, and I would rather have a rule that we accept no out of bounds kids. We'd have a different set of problems, including probably losing some good teachers to other schools, and other kids acting out. At least three of the troubled kids that are OOB are actually from a less diverse, highly educated families, so who ever suggested that I don't like them because they are diverse can go rethink their comment. I just come from a small town where you go to school in your neighborhood and play the hand you are dealt. I don't get the "playing of the system" that seems to go on all over this area. I have no idea if the boy next to my DD is OOB.

As for this boy, my daughter has been told by the teacher than when she reseats the kids, she and he will stay together. She adores him. She is actually really happy to stay next to him, it is me that isn't.

I had a discussion with my daughter that she needs to figure out how to work with him sitting there and not get distracted. I emphasized that if I saw evidence in classwork and test performance that she was distracted, I would talk to the teacher about reseating her.

OP, it sounds like your DD gives you very detailed descriptions of her day (which is nice!--plenty of frustrated parents who get nothing but a shrug or a "fine" when they ask how the school day went.)
So, she tells you about this kid, and I can see why you get concerned.
However, I bolded that one part of your statement to help you get some perspective.
It doesn't sound like this student's location next to your daughter is negatively affecting her schoolwork.
If it's not, then don't worry about it.
I know there is a part of you that feels a certain amount of injustice about this situation, that your DD is being forced to supply the deficiencies of others, but if there's not really a negative impact on her academic performance, then don't worry about it.
If it ever DOES seem to affect her performance, the absolutely don't hesitate to speak to teacher+principal. (I thought 10:17 had a nice sample email for you to use).
If it's not affecting her performance, then just chalk this up as a valuable life lesson. In your own life, you have to work with people with strengths and weaknesses, and you don't always get to choose who you will be working with, so your ability to work with/around/in spite of folks like this is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

As a special education teacher it warms my heart that your daughter has compassion, patience, and tolerance. These are learned traits, so she has good models. I often see the "apple does not fall far from the tree" in a lot of kids. That being said, your daughters education should not suffer for the sake of another student. If she is fine with her seat on a daily basis, maybe she could ask the teacher to sit elsewhere when she needs to really concentrate. I often have kids move throughout the room to find the best learning seat for the moment. It could be at a back table or even on the carpet.

Also, speaking as a teacher, please try talking to your teacher again before bringing in the principal. Give her a chance to make things right, if she is not responsive, then by all means bring in the principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am unhappy right now that my daughter is seated next to a boy she that she is good for, but that is bad for her. The teacher has told her she is good for him and therefore will continue to keep them seated together, but when DD doesn't get her in class work done or does badly on a test, she says he distracted her. Plus, we have at least two hard to control kids in each of our 2nd grade classrooms (all are out of bounds transfers). I saw the post on the GT and I am wondering if it might provide a better learning environment than this craziness in our "good" MCPS elementary that is being made a less than optimum environment because no transfer is ever turned down.

We had this problem for years. In 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, the teachers put my studious, polite, and erudite dd next to whatever boy she was having difficulty with. After the first year, I wised up and told the 2nd grade teacher she needed to find a better way to control her classroom than to subject my dd to the brunt of the abuse. And the first day the third grade teacher tried this (about the third week of school, natch), I was scheduling a meeting to nip that in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unhappy right now that my daughter is seated next to a boy she that she is good for, but that is bad for her. The teacher has told her she is good for him and therefore will continue to keep them seated together, but when DD doesn't get her in class work done or does badly on a test, she says he distracted her. Plus, we have at least two hard to control kids in each of our 2nd grade classrooms (all are out of bounds transfers). I saw the post on the GT and I am wondering if it might provide a better learning environment than this craziness in our "good" MCPS elementary that is being made a less than optimum environment because no transfer is ever turned down.

This was my DD in ES. She is NOT the teacher's assistant, or the SN assistant. There was nothing I could do to get her out of that role, which was very damaging to her, and discriminatory as well. None of the PTA mom's daughters were required to babysit for the SN/EMO kids. She was 8-9 years old (4th grade). She is there to get an education. It was a deciding factor in moving to a private school -- I wish we had done it sooner. Your DD is NOT the teachers assistant, and no amount of "shaming" to get her to do it by the teacher calling her names will change that. I hope you are successful, and good luck.

So demeaning. Glad my SN child is not at your school.

NP here. Why is that demeaning? Some times the truth is the truth and, quite often, statements like the first poster's are true. Teachers don't want to deal with the parents (mostly moms) who are at the school and willing to get in their face about something if it isn't just.so.

I agree with this pp. Oftentimes the SN kids really are a menace in the classroom, and when your child is routinely forced to bear the brunt and be the target of some of the behaviors, it gets really, really old. It also causes the child to develop negative impressions about SN people in general, which we then have to neutralize at home.

[Anonymous]

Boys in my daughter's (magnet) middle school Spanish class were literally rolling around on the floor during parent visitation. My daughter seemed unbothered and has maintained her grades. She didn't make a big deal about it -- so I didn't make a big deal. I figure after this experience, she will be well prepared for anything!

Imagine how much better your daughter will manage in life if she can thrive even in these challenging circumstances! Frustration tolerance! View it as a positive opportunity.

[Anonymous]

I think I'm in the opposite situation from the OP. My DS (1st grade) was moved next to one of the quietest girls in the class after the first few days of school. DS isn't really a troublemaker but can be a talker. DS says this girl is one of his favorite classmates to hang out with (during school hours) - and she was one of his favorites in K too. So, I'm thinking she might like being seated next to him too. And after watching this girl at a birthday party where she hardly talked to anyone, maybe there is some concern about her social skills - and perhaps keeping her connected to my more outgoing DS is helpful to her??

Their teacher is very experienced and very respected by all the other parents I speak to. So, I don't think she is at all trying to have this girl help babysit my DH or in anyway serve as her assisant in the classroom. She's just trying to establish the best environment in the classroom for all students.

I would not hesitate to have an open dialog with the teacher about this. Get her observations on how much your DD is distracted or bothered by this boy. And also voice your concerns.

[Anonymous]

duh...I meant DS (not DH).