Cheating husband?

[Anonymous]

I have a different answer. OP, you don't seem that bothered by his cheating. You accepted his pseudo confession and seem happy to buy the flimsiest excuse of them all - she's an old friend * eyeroll* You don't want to divorce. So don't. Give your DH a pass to cheat. Set up some boundaries and ask him to stick to them. He's a cheating loser - probably syphilis and herpes ridden - and I'd rather crawl over broken glass than touch his dick but obviously YOU don't mind. So suck it up (literally).

[Anonymous]

^^ You're a cunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You let him get away with it so he does it more. I doubt Ms. Red Shoes is the only one he is seeing.

Sit him down and tell him that you have been some female issues and tell him you have a sexually transmitted disease and the doctor wants to test him to find out how to treat it saeeing it coudl be life threatening. He will sing like a jail bird. [/quote]

LOL - That would be classic. I agree, no woman would send him that type of email unsolicited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a different answer. OP, you don't seem that bothered by his cheating. You accepted his pseudo confession and seem happy to buy the flimsiest excuse of them all - she's an old friend * eyeroll* You don't want to divorce. So don't. Give your DH a pass to cheat. Set up some boundaries and ask him to stick to them. He's a cheating loser - probably syphilis and herpes ridden - and I'd rather crawl over broken glass than touch his dick but obviously YOU don't mind. So suck it up (literally).

+ 1000000000000000
You nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a different answer. OP, you don't seem that bothered by his cheating. You accepted his pseudo confession and seem happy to buy the flimsiest excuse of them all - she's an old friend * eyeroll* You don't want to divorce. So don't. Give your DH a pass to cheat. Set up some boundaries and ask him to stick to them. He's a cheating loser - probably syphilis and herpes ridden - and I'd rather crawl over broken glass than touch his dick but obviously YOU don't mind. So suck it up (literally).

+ 1000000000000000
You nailed it.

No. She/he didn't. She/he was unnecessarily cruel to a person who is experiencing a deep and confusing trauma. It probably felt good to say, but it did nothing to help the OP.

[Anonymous]

I would make a plan to leave . So sorry have been in your shoes .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a different answer. OP, you don't seem that bothered by his cheating. You accepted his pseudo confession and seem happy to buy the flimsiest excuse of them all - she's an old friend * eyeroll* You don't want to divorce. So don't. Give your DH a pass to cheat. Set up some boundaries and ask him to stick to them. He's a cheating loser - probably syphilis and herpes ridden - and I'd rather crawl over broken glass than touch his dick but obviously YOU don't mind. So suck it up (literally).

Put the gin down and take a walk.

[Anonymous]

Rewarding bad behavior rarely has a good outcome.

[Anonymous]

Do a lot of husbands have mysterious old friends with red shoes???

I divorced a serial cheater. Divorce is hard, but the peace that comes with it is invaluable. No longer do I feel the need to snoop. No longer do I worry about what he's up to - and who knows about it. I could go on and on.

I do think that the PP who claimed that OP is willfully ignorant of her husband's cheating does have a point. OP, you're in a bit of a fog, which is probably understandable at this point. But DO NOT make excuses for him. He does not have a platonic old mystery friend who texts him to this day about her clothing and red shoes. He is cheating or at the very least having an inappropriate relationship with another woman.

And when it comes to cheating, like so many other things in life, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

People will roll their eyes now, but go and check out survivinginfidelity.com. You'll get lots of honest support there. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm asking for advice about this because I know that part of the deal with not leaving after being cheated on was that I am supposed to be trusting him and checking his email and being freaked out by emails like this show that I'm not keeping my part of the bargain.

I'm still stuck at this. Usually, part of the deal when there is infidelity is that the cheater needs to offer full disclosure about his activities and whereabouts, and deal with the fact that the cheated-upon spouse may have moments of deep insecurity and need reassurance, even if it is asking to see an email account. The fact that he is having personal email exchanges with a woman you have never heard of raises a red flag. Perhaps you sensed something was up which was why you checked his phone?

There is only a slightly smoking gun here, but between the tenor of the exchange and the history, it seems quite likely that your husband is either cheating or acting in appropriating and not respecting the boudaries of your marriage. GIven the history, that is worrisome. However, it is also likely that if you confront him about this vague text, you will get a boatload of denial, and he will turn the issue back onto you and your failure to "trust" him, leaving you feeling confused and upset. It will also teach him to be more vigilant, and you will end up in a terrible limbo--at some level knowing he is not being honest, but not being able to prove it.

personally, I would sit tight, and gather more evidence if possible. If indeed he is cheating, I would then quietly see a lawyer and discuss the various scenarios of divorce. Only you know can make the decision, but while its easy for people here to tell you to DTMF, we are not in your shoes. But a lawyer may be able to advise on issues of custody, support, travel. ANd of course, you have to figure out what you want, in your heart.

so sorry, OP. how old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

99% of decisions are based on money. You decided to stick around. Buff said.

[Anonymous]

Given the history and the fact that you're snooping, I'd say this marriage is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:99% of decisions are based on money. You decided to stick around. Buff said.

Peace of mind PP here. I guess I'm the one percent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a different answer. OP, you don't seem that bothered by his cheating. You accepted his pseudo confession and seem happy to buy the flimsiest excuse of them all - she's an old friend * eyeroll* You don't want to divorce. So don't. Give your DH a pass to cheat. Set up some boundaries and ask him to stick to them. He's a cheating loser - probably syphilis and herpes ridden - and I'd rather crawl over broken glass than touch his dick but obviously YOU don't mind. So suck it up (literally).

+ 1000000000000000
You nailed it.

No. She/he didn't. She/he was unnecessarily cruel to a person who is experiencing a deep and confusing trauma. It probably felt good to say, but it did nothing to help the OP.

original pp here - nope. op shouldn't be made to kick her dh out by outraged strangers pn the internet if cheating is not a dealbreaker for her. She should stop complaining about the cheating and open up the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a different answer. OP, you don't seem that bothered by his cheating. You accepted his pseudo confession and seem happy to buy the flimsiest excuse of them all - she's an old friend * eyeroll* You don't want to divorce. So don't. Give your DH a pass to cheat. Set up some boundaries and ask him to stick to them. He's a cheating loser - probably syphilis and herpes ridden - and I'd rather crawl over broken glass than touch his dick but obviously YOU don't mind. So suck it up (literally).

+ 1000000000000000
You nailed it.

No. She/he didn't. She/he was unnecessarily cruel to a person who is experiencing a deep and confusing trauma. It probably felt good to say, but it did nothing to help the OP.

original pp here - nope. op shouldn't be made to kick her dh out by outraged strangers pn the internet if cheating is not a dealbreaker for her. She should stop complaining about the cheating and open up the marriage.

Your understanding of human beings and the complex feelings that come with infidelity is extremely limited and your communication style is simply nasty. You are not mature enough to be capable of giving anyone advice.