Is "The One That Got Away" a Real Thing for People or Just a Form of Escapism????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately I feel like this about my ex, the father of my child. We literally got pregnant the first time we had sex, and the shock of the pregnancy broke us up. (His decision, not mine.) We have a great coparenting relationship, but I've always wondered what would have happened if we'd gotten pregnant later in the game and managed to make it work. It does affect my dating, because it's hard to find a guy who can compete with the cool/nice/smart/funny/cute guy who also happens to be the dad of my kid. If this were a romance novel or romcom, we'd be married by now, but in real life...

I hope that someday you two can figure out how to get it together and form a loving family.

[Anonymous]

I posted a while ago about how I bumped into an ex at the airport who was pretty much my first everything. My take on this thread subject? Things happen for a reason so keep the good memories, be thankful for what you learned from the person, and hope they are doing well. I was happy that my ex now has a cute wife and adorable child because he is a sweet guy, but I don't wish I was the wife in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately I feel like this about my ex, the father of my child. We literally got pregnant the first time we had sex, and the shock of the pregnancy broke us up. (His decision, not mine.) We have a great coparenting relationship, but I've always wondered what would have happened if we'd gotten pregnant later in the game and managed to make it work. It does affect my dating, because it's hard to find a guy who can compete with the cool/nice/smart/funny/cute guy who also happens to be the dad of my kid. If this were a romance novel or romcom, we'd be married by now, but in real life...

But how great is he really if he broke up with you for getting pregnant? I would think he'd at least try a relationship. Does he think you got pregnant on purpose somehow?

[Anonymous]

I think it's a form of escapism.

I ran into my ex fiance at a wedding of a mutual friend in October. I hadn't seen him in more than 10 years. I was beyond devastated when he called off our engagement and I pined after him for a long time hoping he would realize that he made a mistake. When I realized that wasn't happening, I jumped at a job offer in another city a several months after the break up. I was sad and angry for a long time but after some therapy, I came out in a place where I wished him well and wanted happiness for him. I had made peace with the notion that he "just wasn't that into me" so to speak.

Fast forward to this wedding where I ran into him -- and his wife. We exchanged pleasantries and I thought that was it. After the wedding, he tracked down my email told me that he was sorry for how things happened, that he thinks of me often and hopes we can stay in touch. I was gobsmacked. I am married, too btw.

I think he is perhaps longing (or remembering) a more carefree time, similiar to the one that we shared years ago. Who knows? Maybe he is really unhappy. I hope not.

[Anonymous]

I think it's escapism. I don't want him back. I just like remembering that that sort of passion is possible. I hope I never hear from him again, or learn where he is. That might make me want him back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a form of escapism.

I ran into my ex fiance at a wedding of a mutual friend in October. I hadn't seen him in more than 10 years. I was beyond devastated when he called off our engagement and I pined after him for a long time hoping he would realize that he made a mistake. When I realized that wasn't happening, I jumped at a job offer in another city a several months after the break up. I was sad and angry for a long time but after some therapy, I came out in a place where I wished him well and wanted happiness for him. I had made peace with the notion that he "just wasn't that into me" so to speak.

Fast forward to this wedding where I ran into him -- and his wife. We exchanged pleasantries and I thought that was it. After the wedding, he tracked down my email told me that he was sorry for how things happened, that he thinks of me often and hopes we can stay in touch. I was gobsmacked. I am married, too btw.

I think he is perhaps longing (or remembering) a more carefree time, similiar to the one that we shared years ago. Who knows? Maybe he is really unhappy. I hope not.

Don't stay in touch though. That'd be unfair to your marriage and not particularly beneficial to anyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a form of escapism.

I ran into my ex fiance at a wedding of a mutual friend in October. I hadn't seen him in more than 10 years. I was beyond devastated when he called off our engagement and I pined after him for a long time hoping he would realize that he made a mistake. When I realized that wasn't happening, I jumped at a job offer in another city a several months after the break up. I was sad and angry for a long time but after some therapy, I came out in a place where I wished him well and wanted happiness for him. I had made peace with the notion that he "just wasn't that into me" so to speak.

Fast forward to this wedding where I ran into him -- and his wife. We exchanged pleasantries and I thought that was it. After the wedding, he tracked down my email told me that he was sorry for how things happened, that he thinks of me often and hopes we can stay in touch. I was gobsmacked. I am married, too btw.

I think he is perhaps longing (or remembering) a more carefree time, similiar to the one that we shared years ago. Who knows? Maybe he is really unhappy. I hope not.

Don't stay in touch though. That'd be unfair to your marriage and not particularly beneficial to anyone involved.

Oh, I totally agree and I told him so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's easy to idealize someone you never had to navigate marriage, parenting, and aging with.

Exactly. The "one that got away" isn't in your life now because something was wrong with the relationship back in the day. It ended for a reason.

+++++1

[Anonymous]

PP who got pregnant and dumped - we literally got pregnant the first time we had sex with each other, and we hadn't been dating a long time. Neither one of us is so traditional or so religious that we believe that "doing the right thing" in this case involved marrying someone we really didn't know that well JUST because we were pregnant. that seemed like a recipe for failure. So I really didn't blame him for the breakup. I think he was also in shock, and it took him a few months to adjust. Once he adjusted, he became a great friend, coparent and dad. Just not the husband I maybe could have hoped for! For now, we're family - just in the untraditional sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, going through this now. DWs affair was with "the one that got away." She has been trying to explain it to me, but I think it's escapism. Live with someone long enough and you'll wish they got away.

Inconsequently, I ran into who I guess would be my version of TOTGA and she hasn't changed a bit. Considering how long it's been, that's a bad thing. Personality is immature, lifestyle leaves much to be desired, but she's nice to look at.

Lol about the sentence in bold. I don't feel that way, but the play on words was funny.

[Anonymous]

I used to long for people who were unavailable. With enough therapy I realized that I was looking for people who were unavailable.

[Anonymous]

Think when you little you chase a aquarel, the squarrel will run fast away. But if you stop, the squrel will dstop too, he may also peek on what you doing.

Do not scare the squarel.

[Anonymous]

Total escapism.

[Anonymous]

I think this more applied to our parents' generation, when it was more common for people to be infatuated and then have that person snatched away (move/war) before anything happened. My DW's grandparents named two of their kids after OTGAs. I found that freaky.

Growing up in the '60s and '70s, when we were much more likely to see something through (relationship, not necessarily sex), we're more likely to wish it hadn't happened than to wish it had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think when you little you chase a aquarel, the squarrel will run fast away. But if you stop, the squrel will dstop too, he may also peek on what you doing.

Do not scare the squarel.

OK. You either just started texting or you need to take a hiatus from the office scotch. Either way, I think my favorite misspelling/typo is squarel.