Why do our inlaws bug us so much?
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Anonymous
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Mine bugs me because she can't bow out gracefully. Lady, your time as being Mommy-center-of-the-universe is over. Congratulations! You raised successful sons who moved out, got married, and had kids of their own! Now please let us forge some of our own traditions and memories without having to be at the center of it. We will still include you to a large degree. You just need to take one giant step BACK.
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Anonymous
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My in-laws texted me a video of their dog opening his Christmas gift at 11 p.m. last night. Woke me dead out of a sleep.
Interestingly enough, this is not the first time I get these texts in the dead of night. Sometimes you just gotta suck it up. |
Anonymous
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Wow. I'm so glad my parents in law never stay with us. Heck I don't even have my parents stay. Get a hotel.
So much easier. |
Anonymous
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I have the opposite issue. I love my family and they are wonderful people but they have some really bad habits that have gotten in the way of our marriage and family. First, want to acknowledge that my DH and I have taken full responsibility for that - we realized way too late that we needed to be much better about setting up boundaries. So shame on us. But if you give my folks an inch they will take a mile. Basically they mean well but the problem is they don't see me as an adult, and therefore have trouble seeing my husband as one, and it's annoying. They need to respect us as parents to their grandkids more and when they come over, they will take over the house. Like the OP, my mom will clear out our fridge with a bunch of their food, and it will be like, crappy leftovers.
But, we've gotten much better about setting appropriate boundaries and ultimately, we both realize they mean well and are wonderful people. I think it can just be hard mixing families like that, for most people. |
Anonymous
| Did you ever think that you irritate the hell out of them, too? Maybe they are just sucking it up out if maturity and live. Maybe you should give it a try and everyone would be better off. |
Anonymous
Why in the world do you leave your cell phone on in the bedroom? That's just nuts. Or just turn the texting signal off at night and leave the ringing for the cell on for emergencies. Turn it on vibrate or put it in another room. One of the points of using texting instead of calling is so that the message gets through, but can be read and responded to and the message will still get through. Like using voicemail. Do you really not have any way for someone to leave you a message that can be read first thing in the morning without waking you up? You need to rethink how "connected" you have to be. |
Anonymous
| Mine annoy me because they are batshit crazy. |
Anonymous
Everyone else turns their phone off when they sleep. If you keep texting on you need to warn people. |
Anonymous
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I don't have in-laws, they passed away before DH and I were married, but I find that I am hypersensitive to any criticism by my own mother. I have NO idea why. She drives me up the wall. Thing is, I totally see so much of her in me and how I talk to DH at times. I'm working on being more self aware. I really am.
I will share that there are times I so desperately wish I had in-laws. It sounds like FIL would have been a cranky old man but I did meet DH's mother before we married and, *sigh* when she passed, we lost an angel on earth. She was always putting others before her. Always. I think if she were still around, she might be like your ILs when it comes to food. It's just how she showed love. It's how my Mother shows love, it's how my Grandmother showed love. When you walked in DH's childhood home, you felt the love his mother had in her heart, not only for her family but for everyone. It makes me sad that our children only have one grandparent, and she's 400 miles away. Overall, it sounds like you have pretty good ILs. And honestly, IMO, it's not really a big deal if they bring along all sorts of food on occasion. Less work for you to do and maybe some advance menu planning will help limit what they bring in to the house. As far as commenting on how DS looks like someone on their side of the family, how are they to know what everyone on your side of the family looks like? We all try to identify with what we know and that's what they are doing. I say cut them a break. You have in-laws and your child has Grandparents that love him so much. I understand being sensitive, but, try to remember that their little idiosyncrasies contributed to your DH being the person he is today. |
Anonymous
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I totally agree with the pp that said inlaws often have the same characteristics our spouses have that bother us but we tolerate them as part of the whole package of the person we love.
In my case, and I would bet many, I find that my inlaws are the CAUSE of a lot of DH's characteristics I "tolerate." I actually have a good relationship with DH's parents and they are local so we see them a TON. I get infuriated when they undo everything I've been working on with DH. He comes from a "Costanza" style home. I don't tolerate that level of bickering and belittling, especially in front of our kids. What do MIL and FIL do as soon a they walk in the door? Commence bickering! And not just with each other. They will bicker with DH, bicker on the same side of an argument about BIL who isn't even there, etc. I hate that DH's family dynamic has led him to believe it's ok to expose kids to that, and we've been working so hard on it. We see inlaws often enough that their constant bickering and nastiness with each other makes me think I shouldn't even bother. I have been tirelessly trying to get DH to be less helpless with me. What does MIL do as soon as she walks in the door? "Oh don't get up! Let me get you something to eat..." (Never for me, as I'm dealing with 2 young kids and getting dinner ready for everyone...just for DH who shouldn't be troubled to get off the sofa.) Equal sharing of parenting responsibilities has been a battle with DH and I. God forbid MIL let's DH change a diaper when she's over. Wiping DS's butt isn't quality time with her grandchild. Sit your 75 year old but down and relax, and let your son clean up his kid's poop! (Again, she has no issue with ME changing diapers when she's over...) |
Anonymous
I think I love you. |
Anonymous
Your in-laws did nothing wrong here. Turn off your text alert when you don't want to hear it. |