Question for south asians about prejudice

[Anonymous]

There are some people in every race/ country who hold racist or bigoted views. That shouldn't lead you to make generalizations about the people as a whole. For example, my (South Asian) husband was really angry when a French Jewish friend of his defended DSK's actions by saying "How could anyone be possibly attracted to a woman in a headscarf?"

[Anonymous]

My husband is 1st generation (1st born here, parents immigrated) and his parents use a word in their language to mean African American, pronounced like "cul-LOO"

He said multiple times he was horribly embarrassed because they just felt like they could say it anywhere since they were speaking another language. Have no clue that people have enough sense to know they are talking about you even if they don't know the language. They did the same to me once and it was super obvious (talking about why I wasn't eating a particular thing)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:39 - First generation means YOU immigrated; 2nd generation means your parents did. 3rd generation is if your grandparents did.

OP, I have truly never heard that kind of racist talk from South Asians who grew up here. (DH and I are lawyers, and our Indian friends tend to be in public service; most of our friends aren't the traditional doctor/engineer. It's more of a liberal group, so maybe that has something to do with it.)

I have definitely heard that kind of language from my parents' friends (though not my parents, thank goodness). It's a little ridiculous. The immigrants I spend time with are older, so I don't know how much of that is a function of when they came here.

I do know that my cousins and family in India do hold some racist ideas. They probably have interacted with 1 black person in their lives (collectively!), so there definitely seems to be more of a media bias than we think there is. I'm not sure what to do about that. I do set them straight whenever they say anything obnoxious.

You should call them on it! It's not ok to talk like that.

Yes, this is how sociologists use the term. There is some ambiguity though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bite, and hope that you are not one of the many trolls on this forum that doesn't like South Asian people.

I am a South Asian woman (but my husband is not South Asian and most of my friends are not). Regardless, I've never had this problem with South Asian people of my generation (I assume you mean you are first generation - your parents immigrated from India? If you are second generation, it would be your grandparents).

Were the people you were with from India/Pakistan, or did they grow up here? The lack of familiarity with other races could contribute to their racist comments (that is not to say I am justifying their behavior, but an observation based on other from-India-Indians that I have met). If they are first generation (the children of immigrants), then no, I've never experienced this among my friends or relatives and you just got stuck with a bunch of racist assholes that you should avoid in the future.


And also, so what if you didn't really know them? You should have spoken up.

OP Here. I am not a troll. This experience actually happened and DH and I were both surprised that this kind of behavior was tolerated in a group. Fortuantely our children are not old enough to understand the conversation but there were older elementary school age children that were in the room and could have easily heard what was being said. To answer the question above these were first generation. I will be more specific and say that they all had a very common south asian last name that began with P and grew up in New Jersey. The K word was being used over and over again.

I am 13:39. I assume, based on what a PP said that the P means Patel, I have no idea what your K word is. Regardless of what their last name was, you'll find a bunch of racists in any community of people. This is not isolated to just Patels from Edison. I still think that if you were offended, you should have said something, and that you should avoid them in the future. I'm not sure what else you want to come out of this thread PP. Do you want a bunch of people to start bashing Patels now? Because if you do, you're being just as childish as the people you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Patels saying kracker? What "k" word?

I'm thinking kike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is 1st generation (1st born here, parents immigrated) and his parents use a word in their language to mean African American, pronounced like "cul-LOO"

He said multiple times he was horribly embarrassed because they just felt like they could say it anywhere since they were speaking another language. Have no clue that people have enough sense to know they are talking about you even if they don't know the language. They did the same to me once and it was super obvious (talking about why I wasn't eating a particular thing)

I'm guessing his parents are bordering on their 80's? Your MIL wears one of those traditional outfits where her belly and love handles are exposed?

Take it from me, you have other things to be embarresed about than terms that nobody comprehends. Apologies for my mispelling.

Every culture's elders hold these views, you're wasting your time letting it get to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is 1st generation (1st born here, parents immigrated) and his parents use a word in their language to mean African American, pronounced like "cul-LOO"

He said multiple times he was horribly embarrassed because they just felt like they could say it anywhere since they were speaking another language. Have no clue that people have enough sense to know they are talking about you even if they don't know the language. They did the same to me once and it was super obvious (talking about why I wasn't eating a particular thing)

Yeah...and I've discovered that many AAs actually are familiar with that term, which makes it even more embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

I have many South Asian acquaintances and friends. We are in Fairfax County. A few friends have quirks regarding other South Asians (from dark skin/light skin to where someone's family is from exactly), these few also have trouble making South Asian friends but it is due to these quirks mostly. We as you can see discuss this every time we get together.

[Anonymous]

I am first generation; DH grew up in India (but has been in the United States for about 15 years). None of his friends or mine have made racist comments about black people in our presence. Every group has its racists, though - a guy I went on one date with before I met DH made such a comment. I called him out on it and obviously never spoke to him again. If I were at the dinner party you attended I would have said something immediately and wouldn't have hung out with them again.

It's too much to go into here, but look into the model minority myth. Historically, Indians and black people have been pitted against each other in the United States. (I especially recommend The Karma of Brown Folk by Vijay Prashad)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have many South Asian acquaintances and friends. We are in Fairfax County. A few friends have quirks regarding other South Asians (from dark skin/light skin to where someone's family is from exactly), these few also have trouble making South Asian friends but it is due to these quirks mostly. We as you can see discuss this every time we get together.

I think it's now considered kind of old-school and trashy to talk about skin tone these days. None of our friends make comments on that sort of thing. When the older people make comments, most people just roll their eyes. Where do you find this South Asians?

[Anonymous]

OP Here. I am not a troll. This experience actually happened and DH and I were both surprised that this kind of behavior was tolerated in a group. Fortuantely our children are not old enough to understand the conversation but there were older elementary school age children that were in the room and could have easily heard what was being said. To answer the question above these were first generation. I will be more specific and say that they all had a very common south asian last name that began with P and grew up in New Jersey. The K word was being used over and over again.

Anonymous wrote:Patels saying kracker? What "k" word?

I'm guessing Kallu.

I dated a gujurati girl whose extremely brilliant and accomplished younger brother would use that term in a disparaging way everytime he got drunk.

[Anonymous]

white people in this thread, do you consider the term 'gora/gori' to be racist? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am first generation; DH grew up in India (but has been in the United States for about 15 years). None of his friends or mine have made racist comments about black people in our presence. Every group has its racists, though - a guy I went on one date with before I met DH made such a comment. I called him out on it and obviously never spoke to him again. If I were at the dinner party you attended I would have said something immediately and wouldn't have hung out with them again.

It's too much to go into here, but look into the model minority myth. Historically, Indians and black people[b] have been pitted against each other in the United States. (I especially recommend The Karma of Brown Folk by Vijay Prashad)

By "Indian", do you mean Native American? That was true in the South in the 1800s when the blacks & Native Americans outnumbered the white people. This was the only way to keep a sense of control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have many South Asian acquaintances and friends. We are in Fairfax County. A few friends have quirks regarding other South Asians (from dark skin/light skin to where someone's family is from exactly), these few also have trouble making South Asian friends but it is due to these quirks mostly. We as you can see discuss this every time we get together.

I think it's now considered kind of old-school and trashy to talk about skin tone these days. None of our friends make comments on that sort of thing. When the older people make comments, most people just roll their eyes. Where do you find this South Asians?

In reference to the dark/light skin topic, are you aware that black Americans also talk like this? They still have the hierarchy with the skin tone within their own community.

[Anonymous]

Lighter skin is always valued more, no matter if it's in India, Italy or Cuba. That's the sad truth.