How do I word this gently?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Keep one or two things... The things when dh sees he says oh way ii. remember this .... Pass the rest along. |
Anonymous
| Why can't you just tell her politely not to bring you anything anymore because your house is too small? Just tell her. Why the tiptoeing around? You can't be honest? |
Anonymous
Don't do this- just get rid of the things you don't want. Otherwise there will be hurt feelings. |
Anonymous
|
Your in-laws kept these items from your husband's childhood to give to him in his adulthood; in case he was sentimental about them. They are his to do with as he pleases. Talk to your husband. If he doesn't want them, he should graciously accept them, photograph them and discard them. If he does want them, then he needs to make storage arrangements for them. Either build a storage shed or rent a storage unit; some are quite inexpensive. They are his memories to keep or not.
How would you feel if your mother gave you cherished items from your childhood that you valued or wanted and your husband just accepted them and discarded them? |
Anonymous
|
Why do you have stuff stored at their house? I can't really blame them for passing their stuff to you--if you have YOUR stuff there.
You and your husband are grown ups with your own home. You need to handle storing your own stuff--so if you can't fit it in your own home, throw it out or rent a storage unit somewhere. |
Anonymous
At first, but eventually the mom will get it and not feel hurt. What you are suggesting is a band-aid for a long term problem. |
Anonymous
OP here- I already have! It didn't work. I could just toss the stuff, DH agrees, but I think she'd rather I give it back instead of grow it out. I threw out some old lamp once and it has been a bone of contention for years. So I think I shoud give her some warning enforce I toss?? We don't want to spend $$ on storage, especially for stuff we don't want. And we store things at their place because they have _offered_ and they just built a large (empty) 2 story garage for their things. Sad thing is, they have some lovely things, that DH would love to have and I would too (china, furniture, rugs-all in storage). But she comments how we don't appreciate her things and "what will I do with all this?" I can't very well say, "give us the nice valuable heirlooms, not the worn out tired stuff." I'm such an ungrateful DIL! |
Anonymous
|
I would be tempted to say "The extra dust collectors are prime for donation (you can get a tax deduction); give us whatever is of heirloom or significant importance to the family as a whole."
I tend to think that even at their age, they fully realize what the importance is of what they are giving you. If they look around your house, they should know what you actually would value enough to keep. It seems so very selfish of them to otherwise try to pawn crap off on you. If it has no significant family value, whats the point? A rhetorical question of course. No, we would never (yes never) pay for storage either OP. We are frugal and MIL likes to think we are oozing money, for some reason. Frankly she can keep her stuff and just give us the proceeds of her stuff so that we might recover a fraction of the babysitter fees from all the times MIL would have rather sat home by herself than babysat (once per year). We could actually really use that money toward college instead. |
Anonymous
| Thank them graciously and throw it out. It is MUCH ruder to say something directly to them, and that would cause a lot more trouble anyway. I know it's tempting to put annoying people in their place but they're not going to get it. They're just going to be hurt or angry. |
Anonymous
|
I would ask ALL of my children what they would like - not just the boys or just the girls or just my favorite whatever. That is simply not fair and setting up disaster for when I am gone - why would I want to deliberately create resentment?
OP, you can be gracious and take them then trash them, but you are a better person than I. |