How do I word this gently?

[Anonymous]

I have a small problem with my MIL, but over the years it has become a serious annoyance. MIL and FIL never throw anything away. Instead they "gift" their junk to us. DH and I live in a 900sf bungalow with DS. Every extra space is maxed out storage wise. I purge each season because stuff just builds.

Everytime the in laws visit they bring us "sentimental" items. It's gotten much worse since DS was born. Moldy children's books,falling apart ornaments, grandma's everyday chipped dishes, 1970s suits, ratty stuffed animals... They know we have no where to put these items! We even store things at their huge house with detached garage. The items are always given with a "little DH loved this when he was young" comment. It feels quite rude to throw them away.

DH is better than I am and laughingly says "no way can I wear these baby blue suits". But he's a sucker for anything saved from his childhood. MIL is also careful to give these items to me when DH isn't around, so I'm really not sure how "sentimental" the objects are to him.

How can I tell her nicely, stop giving me your crap?! When I've explained we have no where to put these things, she just keeps bringing stuff. Is it horrific of me to toss these items if DH agrees? I'm tempted to say, "you know we really don't have space for this. Are you okay giving this to us, knowing that we may have to throw it out/donate it?" Is that too rude?

[Anonymous]

Take a picture of things that have sentimental value and toss the item. Not worth hurting your relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

Can you afford a storage unit? If not, this is DH's job.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know what you mean. Mil gives all the crap to us and the "official" sentimental and beautiful (true) family heirlooms - FIL bronze star, etc. to the ILs who *married into* the family(!!!!) but not her own son - the only one who is married and the ONLY one who has children to carry on the name. Can you say ZERO common sense? She's a witch.

Donate or toss what you don't want. Keep for your children what is worthwhile. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a picture of things that have sentimental value and toss the item. Not worth hurting your relationship with them.

+1. Often people "gift" things they can't bear to get rid of themselves. A kind of "pass the buck" if you will. If it was that valuable she probably would have kept it.

On a funnier note, my husband's grandmother used to do this with household items. The first year we were married we got her old can opener wrapped in a zip lock bag. I was appalled until my BIL and SIL opened the used water pik.

[Anonymous]

My mil does this, I keep it for 6 months and say "we've enjoyed having X so much" and give it back.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your husband and his family both attach a lot of emotional value to sentimental old items. Not uncommon. Don't say anything to the in laws. If your husband is fine with you snapping a photo and tossing, that is exactly what you should do. ILs don't need to know. And if they ask, your husband should tell them.

[Anonymous]

Just throw the crap away. Don't let it get to you.

[Anonymous]

Throw it away. Our house used to be filled with this old crap while MILs was nice and spare. They cant do it -- you should. If they cared, they would keep it themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just throw the crap away. Don't let it get to you.

This, after saying thank you so much. She enjoys giving you stuff MORE than she enjoys hoarding, and apparently that is saying a lot!

Arrange for your husband to take the fall if anyone gets upset when they discover that the gifts have been thrown away.

(We threw away some things from his mum and my mum. We always always swoon with gratitude and then after a short while... chuck! We are responsible for smoothing over any hard feelings with our own parents, but so far, no problem.)

[Anonymous]

My mother does this to me. I just throw 90% of it away. I have concluded she is a low level hoarder and can't bear to throw it away herself. I do it and she almost never asks what happened to it.

[Anonymous]

If you and DH are on the same page that you don't want this stuff, then I say graciously accept it and then get rid of it. Although it seems silly and inefficient, you're actually doing them a favor. This is probably the only time/way they get rid of stuff. If they need to tell themselves that it's ok to get rid of some item because you'll take it, then that's what they need to do.

[Anonymous]

You definitely don't have to keep it. DH and I both have a few boxes of items we keep for our own sentimental purposes, but we've gotten rid of more and more of it over the years. Can you each have a plastic tote bin for such items, and if DH really wants to keep it it must go in there?

I totally agree with the take a photo and get rid of it approach (that helps me) and also that MIL/FIL want to get rid of it but cannot bear to themselves.

I have hoarders in my family, FWIW, who can excessively gift to the point that the gifts overwhelm your life. You have to set your boundaries somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mil does this, I keep it for 6 months and say "we've enjoyed having X so much" and give it back.

LOL - interesting approach.

My mom actually does this with me. I just throw away about 95% of the stuff she gives me. I don't want it! If it's worthy of being donated, I'll donate it.

[Anonymous]

My MIL does this same sort of thing. I just get rid of it.