What does it mean to "lack social skills"?

[Anonymous]

10:12 here. He began pullout sessions with a speech/language therapist two times a week at his school. Specifically, the therapist worked with him on developing the pragmatic skills I listed above. What really helped was that she would bring one or two of his actual classmates to the sessions (with their parents advance permission) to practice these items while playing little games with them. This not only let him practice the things she was coaching him on, it also gave him a chance to bond with a few of his actual peers which helped him immensely out on the playground. He is now early in first grade with the same group of kids and is doing MUCH better. Part of this is the help from his therapist (who he sees once a week this year) but I also think already knowing the kids really helps him. Friendships come slower for him but he can continue to build on ones made last year and during summer camp (at the same school with many of the same kids).

The other piece of the puzzle is that he is taking medication for his ADD (no hyperactivity). This helps him in the social arena because it helps him in listening to friends, focusing on the actual subject of conversations, and noticing social cues he used to totally miss. It is impossible to know for sure that this is helping him, but we really feel that it does.

We have not sought out a social skills group, at least not yet. For now, we are trying to facilitate his growth of skills within his actual peer group. For example, playdates with carefully selected children who seem more empathetic and kind. Also, we enrolled him in 5 weeks of summer camp at the school knowing that this would keep him in contact with the same group of peers ... trying to keep him from having to start over again at the beginning of the next school year. That was expensive but it really, really helped.

FYI, we plan to make use of an actual social skills summer camp in a couple years IF he still seems to need it. In addition to speech/language support and ADD meds, we are hopeful that natural growth and development will help him out too. Hope this is helpful.

[Anonymous]

Yes, very helpful-thank you for posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP -- This reminds me of my own kid. He's speech delayed, and he doesn't really seem to like kids his own age and younger, but he gets on gangbusters with older kids. I think the difference is that older kids have the processing power to listen to him and interpret him, whereas kids his own age just look at him like he's nuts. Try some play dates with a different range of ages and see what shakes out.

You just described my child - does the fact that she prefers older kids mean anything? I've always wondered....

[Anonymous]

Hi,
I've been following this post with great interest. Were any of your kids born prematurely? I have twins who were born very early and I'm just curious.

[Anonymous]

Not the OP, but no, my child was not born premature. Born at 40 weeks precisely.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP -- This reminds me of my own kid. He's speech delayed, and he doesn't really seem to like kids his own age and younger, but he gets on gangbusters with older kids. I think the difference is that older kids have the processing power to listen to him and interpret him, whereas kids his own age just look at him like he's nuts. Try some play dates with a different range of ages and see what shakes out.


You just described my child - does the fact that she prefers older kids mean anything? I've always wondered....

This is my son too, or it was. I agree with the first PP, plus another thought that I've had is that the older children get, generally the more predictable they get. My son -- who maybe lacked some social skills at the time? -- didn't deal well at all with the unpredictable nature of many 2.5-3.5 year olds when he was 3 and 3.5. In contrast, most 5.5+ year olds no longer shove, hit, yank toys out of hands and tantrum. Plus they can speak well. So my son gravitated toward the calmer, more predictable kids who in most cases, but not all, were slightly older than he was.

[Anonymous]

Social anxiety is not a special need. He just sounds extremely shy. I'm shocked that your teacher said he lacks social skills. He's shy, not lacking social skills. He's probably extremely sensitive towards other children and would be a wonderful playdate if he could only get over the shyness. Dr. Rene Hackney knows alot about social anxiety in children. She's a child psychologist in Springfield/Alexandria that runs Parenting Playgroups. She is excellent. She also used to be a preschool teacher. She's extremely compassionate towards kids. I would loo her up. My son saw her for a while and he no longer needs help socializing!!!