Men have man caves. We women need Ma'am Caves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my bedroom. Husband has the entire basement, with bedroom, living area and office, and bathroom. (Yes, we're one of those couples who sleep in separate rooms.) It might seem a little unfair that I get one room to myself, and a bathroom I have to share with the kid, while he gets an entire floor, but the man has turned in to such an appalling slob over the past few years (I swear, he wasn't like this for the first 10 years) that I'm happy to give him one-third of the house not to have to deal with his eye-popping mess. And whenever his stuff starts to creep up the stairs, I throw it in a box and dump it back in the basement where it belongs. SO much easier than nagging him to pick up after himself.

Wow -- I thought I was the only one, PP. DH and I also sleep in separate rooms, rotating who takes the master BR and who the extra depending on our morning routine. (We also alternate days of daycare dropoff, so on the days the other person is doing it, we can work out/sleep in/whatever else.) Though this means that the bedroom isn't "mine" exclusively, during weekend nap time, I colonize it to read/rest/make phone calls, while he takes over the basement, typically watching TV. Like you, I share the bathroom with DD and DH gets the smaller, but ensuite, master bath. 0ur marriage is fine, but we both just like our space. Glad to know there are others out there!

So he's a pet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my bedroom. Husband has the entire basement, with bedroom, living area and office, and bathroom. (Yes, we're one of those couples who sleep in separate rooms.) It might seem a little unfair that I get one room to myself, and a bathroom I have to share with the kid, while he gets an entire floor, but the man has turned in to such an appalling slob over the past few years (I swear, he wasn't like this for the first 10 years) that I'm happy to give him one-third of the house not to have to deal with his eye-popping mess. And whenever his stuff starts to creep up the stairs, I throw it in a box and dump it back in the basement where it belongs. SO much easier than nagging him to pick up after himself.

Wow -- I thought I was the only one, PP. DH and I also sleep in separate rooms, rotating who takes the master BR and who the extra depending on our morning routine. (We also alternate days of daycare dropoff, so on the days the other person is doing it, we can work out/sleep in/whatever else.) Though this means that the bedroom isn't "mine" exclusively, during weekend nap time, I colonize it to read/rest/make phone calls, while he takes over the basement, typically watching TV. Like you, I share the bathroom with DD and DH gets the smaller, but ensuite, master bath. 0ur marriage is fine, but we both just like our space. Glad to know there are others out there!

So he's a pet.

There are worse things. He's loyal, kind, cuddly, infinitely forgiving, loves his people unconditionally...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my bedroom. Husband has the entire basement, with bedroom, living area and office, and bathroom. (Yes, we're one of those couples who sleep in separate rooms.) It might seem a little unfair that I get one room to myself, and a bathroom I have to share with the kid, while he gets an entire floor, but the man has turned in to such an appalling slob over the past few years (I swear, he wasn't like this for the first 10 years) that I'm happy to give him one-third of the house not to have to deal with his eye-popping mess. And whenever his stuff starts to creep up the stairs, I throw it in a box and dump it back in the basement where it belongs. SO much easier than nagging him to pick up after himself.

Wow -- I thought I was the only one, PP. DH and I also sleep in separate rooms, rotating who takes the master BR and who the extra depending on our morning routine. (We also alternate days of daycare dropoff, so on the days the other person is doing it, we can work out/sleep in/whatever else.) Though this means that the bedroom isn't "mine" exclusively, during weekend nap time, I colonize it to read/rest/make phone calls, while he takes over the basement, typically watching TV. Like you, I share the bathroom with DD and DH gets the smaller, but ensuite, master bath. 0ur marriage is fine, but we both just like our space. Glad to know there are others out there!

So he's a pet.

There are worse things. He's loyal, kind, cuddly, infinitely forgiving, loves his people unconditionally...

and housebroken, I assume?!


My own "ma'am cave" would look like Sherlock Holmes' room. Lots of books, seats, funky artifacts, fireplace, and so on. Not the flamingo pink monstrosities of the first couple photos of that link!

[Anonymous]

I'm the second PP quoted there -- he's not so much a pet as an equal partner who needs his space as much as I do, or perhaps a bit more so. (That said, he's quite furry.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the second PP quoted there -- he's not so much a pet as an equal partner who needs his space as much as I do, or perhaps a bit more so. (That said, he's quite furry.)

And I'm the first PP up there... yes, furry! And oh, the shedding (hooray for separate bathrooms). Important difference, though, I let my husband keep his balls, literally and figuratively. The cat is not so lucky. Not only is he neutered in every sense of the word, I'd kick his fuzzy to the curb out if he made half the mess my husband does.

[Anonymous]

Most of our home is a ma'am cave. Yeah, I'm admitting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So said Virginia Wolfe (a room of one's own).

I agree. I would like a reading nook not taken over by my kids toys. Or better yet a garret! So I could finally write that novel.

[Anonymous]

I have an extra bedroom as my craft room, hubby's take the other extra bedroom for his music stuff.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the article but from the pictures, aren't they basically talking about a "parlor"?

I personally don't need a ma'am cave, but a "grownup" cave with no kid stuff in it would be sweet. Just having a living room/parlour and more of a family room would be ideal, but we live in a small house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the article but from the pictures, aren't they basically talking about a "parlor"?

I personally don't need a ma'am cave, but a "grownup" cave with no kid stuff in it would be sweet. Just having a living room/parlour and more of a family room would be ideal, but we live in a small house.

One thing my husbad were always on the same page about is no kid stuff strung about the house. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I am very happy that kid stuff stays in their rooms. Of course they can bring a toy or two out at a time, but it is put away each night and our house is still a grownup/shared space.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother had a ma'am cave although no one called it that. She slept in the master bedroom but she had an additional bedroom that was painted yellow and had frilly white linens. She had a glass doll collection that she displayed on shelves around the room and other cutesy knick knacks all over as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the article but from the pictures, aren't they basically talking about a "parlor"?

I personally don't need a ma'am cave, but a "grownup" cave with no kid stuff in it would be sweet. Just having a living room/parlour and more of a family room would be ideal, but we live in a small house.

One thing my husbad were always on the same page about is no kid stuff strung about the house. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I am very happy that kid stuff stays in their rooms. Of course they can bring a toy or two out at a time, but it is put away each night and our house is still a grownup/shared space.

I cannot imagine living that way, but if it works for you, good on ya!

[Anonymous]

I would love a Candi-Spellingesque gift wrap room with video gaming features.

Let's be real, though, it's not just that women "have the rest of the house to decorate" that's why the concept of a ma'am cave hasn't caught on. It's that men look out for their interests in a way that women aren't encouraged to. My husband is the best father I know, but he has absolutely no qualms in missing a soccer game a few times a season to go camp/run a race/hike/etc. Whereas last year when I had flu and a temperature of 105, I stayed up late sewing sequins onto a tutu for a dance recital. Not to brag -- I think it's horrible I did this, that I can't look out for myself and my hobbies/interests/well-being.

Other men/women have a lot to do with it, too. DH's buddies will stick up for each other (oh, he needs a break!) in a way that women usually don't (unless they are the best of friends). We all (including me) need to encourage the women in our lives to take more time for themselves and be less judgy when they have to let something small fall by the wayside in order to do that.

[Anonymous]

Those rooms are absolutely hideous. The third picture is okay, but the other ones are just awful.

[Anonymous]

I'd like my own office, which I guess could be my ma'am cave. Unfortunately, we don't have enough rooms.