Do you send your kids to friends house with cash?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A weekly trip to starbucks for 4 could easily be $80 a month. That would be a problem with my budget - we dont g to stabucks at all.

Agreed. I just fell into the habit of tea from Starbucks once a day and am trying to break myself out of the habit of spending $3/day every day as it adds up to $90 month - and I am an adult who can fund it for myself. I can't imagine people thinking others should fund this for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume this is happening because they don't mention the plan until after the other kid's parents have left? If they get together at your house and then decide to go to Sbux or lunch, as they're leaving, you can say "you'll need about $5-10, does everyone have that?" When a kid/a few kids say no, you can say "sorry - you guys will have to plan on lunch next time then." Thus clarifying that you/your kid aren't treating. You can still tell them they're welcome to go walk around downtown and can plan on getting lunch/coffee next time. If that happens once or twice, the kids will suddenly start planning better and will bring $5-10 with them; if you or your kid start paying, it will become an expectation and you may not want to add an extra weekly $20 to your budget.

Honestly, this seems harsh. If my child has a friend over and they spontaneously decide to run to Starbucks, I'm not going to "punish" the other child for not bringing money, especially if it wasn't part of the original plan. This just seems petty. I'm actually surprised so many of you are so punitive. Either make it clear in advance of the plans, or pick up the slack. Its not a lot of money.

I'm the poster you quoted. It isn't about whether it is a lot of money or not; to some families, 4 people going out to Sbux once a week is a lot and is unnecessary when coffee is available at home. OTOH, there are others where every adult grabs a coffee at Sbux every day. You don't know what someone else's budgeting is like so you shouldn't assume that they'll just cover the cost for your kid. I agree that if you can afford it and it happens once, there is no need to punish the other kid. But as OP has said, these kids are getting off the bus many times a week after school and wanting coffee, salads, and Starbucks - it is not her personal problem (and she didn't say how old they are, but they are pretty much doing what my fellow biglaw associates and I do with our paychecks - why should she fund that for others' kids?). I usually find that when a kid wants to go out with his friends on an unplanned outing like coffee or whatever and he doesn't have money, he says he can't and looks like he feels bad and is apologetic for not having or bringing money. In that instance, I am fine treating a kid once because I know he didn't expect me to. When the same kid does it over and over, you can tell there is an expectation -- that is what the OP needs to avoid.

But you are changing the facts. Initially it was a child was over and they spontaneously decide to go to Starbucks FROM your house. Now all of a sudden its 4 people going to Starbucks, or kids getting off the bus (not leaving from your house) asking for money. These are entirely different situations. I was responding to the first, kids are sitting around your house and decide to go out.

Those of you who have kids taking advantage of you repeatedly have no right to complain unless you speak up with their parents.

The manicure situation is, I think, ambiguous. I've invited my DD's friend to join her for manicures and I've paid, as have her friend's parents. If I didn't expect to, I would clarify with the parents ahead of time. Its really much better to have these conversations than to resent the kid.

[Anonymous]

As you yourself pointed out, these sorts of activities add up. And if the other family doesn't have the sort of money required to finance them--or just doesn't want to shell out--then your daughter needs to either think of some other things to do or find other friends with similar spending money.

[Anonymous]

hell no I am not paying for starbucks. If I invite children, and I am talking older, like 15, to dinner with our family I will pay their way. If it is an everyday hang out and they head to SB, you are on your own! Get a job or call daddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As you yourself pointed out, these sorts of activities add up. And if the other family doesn't have the sort of money required to finance them--or just doesn't want to shell out--then your daughter needs to either think of some other things to do or find other friends with similar spending money.

It's the friends who suggest these outings but come without cash. Thanks for the input!

[Anonymous]

The friends know that you will spring for it or allow it.

In their own homes, when they make requests like this they are told "do you want to pay for that out of your own money' didn't think so."

[Anonymous]

I think you need to set the rules with your child. Whatever works for your budget. I will contribute $xx a week to vebtures into Bethesda with your friends. After that you guys will have to come up with the funds on your own when you are out on your own. That way your daughter will not feel quite so free to commit to manicures etc..

[Anonymous]

You need to discuss this with your child. It is weird that the other kids are not bringing money. Could it be that you treated once, the other kids were impressed, and now your child says "my mom will treat." I don't think there is any malice, but I do think that if the child is a teen, they can handle issues like this within their social circle much more smoothly than you can.

[Anonymous]

Is there any reciprocity? Does you child get treated when at other people's houses?

Personally, I think it is a bad idea to fund these activities that are normally reserved for people with an actual income. What are you all teaching your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any reciprocity? Does you child get treated when at other people's houses?

Personally, I think it is a bad idea to fund these activities that are normally reserved for people with an actual income. What are you all teaching your kids?

I agree with the PP. I don't think what the OP describes is appropriate for teenagers except on a very infrequent basis. Its a waste of money and even involves unhealthy food.
You seem to be very generous, but I would not want my child to visit your house if this is the kind of activity you generously enable.
Kids should learn the value of money and how not take it for granted. I also hope that they can find better ways to spend their time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume this is happening because they don't mention the plan until after the other kid's parents have left? If they get together at your house and then decide to go to Sbux or lunch, as they're leaving, you can say "you'll need about $5-10, does everyone have that?" When a kid/a few kids say no, you can say "sorry - you guys will have to plan on lunch next time then." Thus clarifying that you/your kid aren't treating. You can still tell them they're welcome to go walk around downtown and can plan on getting lunch/coffee next time. If that happens once or twice, the kids will suddenly start planning better and will bring $5-10 with them; if you or your kid start paying, it will become an expectation and you may not want to add an extra weekly $20 to your budget.

Honestly, this seems harsh. If my child has a friend over and they spontaneously decide to run to Starbucks, I'm not going to "punish" the other child for not bringing money, especially if it wasn't part of the original plan. This just seems petty. I'm actually surprised so many of you are so punitive. Either make it clear in advance of the plans, or pick up the slack. Its not a lot of money.

I guess in this situation I would expect my child spend his own money and to share it with his friend. So either they could split something, my kid could treat, the other kid could pay my kid back later, or they could just decide to loiter outside the starbucks looking cool and not actually buy anything, but it's for them to negotiate.

Like some of the PPs, I spend little on myself, and if I'm not buying myself lunch or coffee whenever I want it, then I'm not buying it for my kid and friends whenever they want it.