DH angry during cycle treatments

[Anonymous]

Just be supportive of him. It's hard for you, but it's hard for him too. Most of us think that the guy gets the "easy" part, but doing what they have to do in a skeevy room it's fun at all.
Good luck to you both. It's so stressful.

[Anonymous]

When your husband is nursing you through the sickness of met, he knows he is helping you, nurturing you. But the uncertainty of leaving the sample -- what if it doesn't work? what if it's him? what if he does something wrong? how disappointed will you be if it doesn't work out this time? why can't he make it right for the both of you?

Maybe it's not logical but I know that's how I felt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I couldn't help but be grossed out by the description, and wonder what his child would think someday, knowing that her/his dad masturbated to someone besides their mother...

Honestly, I'm grossed out by the idea that my parents had just regular sex to have me. But I understand your point. I am sure there are some men who find that process extremely tawdry (just like there are some men who might not care a bit) and I'm all in favor of options.

Of course no one wants to think about the circumstances of their own conception! Yikes! I meant more that the author had written out all the specifics, so there would be a record with definitive proof about those circumstances, so it would be inescapable to know what happened...whereas if a couple simply has sex and is able to provide a sample that way, it's more private. Hope that makes sense!

But also, it was just, I don't know, sad. I wondered what his wife thought when she read the article...

[Anonymous]

As the man, I assure you I have it easier than my wife. I'm not getting all those shots. I don't get why some men get so worked up about this. Is it fun? No. Is it embarrassing? No. People are very professional at the clinics. CFA is worse than SG, one because you are in a rather sterile bathroom and two because you have to bring the cup to the lab.

Just remind your husband that no one expects him to fill the cup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was lying there on the clinic bed with my IV and surgical gown waiting for my egg retrieval, and my husband was led away to watch some porn and masturbate, I just thought how unfair this whole process is... And then he came back all relaxed just before I was wheeled away and put under anesthesia...

I suppose your DH has a personal issue with the sample delivery, but he really should realize that you are going through worse things. I'm sorry you are in that situation. At least he apologizes, so he probably does know that he doesn't really have a reason to complain.

I'm this PP. I wanted to add that my husband and I are still joking about this situation. Yes, it's not the ideal way to have a baby, but you have to take this with some humor, unless you want to make things harder than they are already.

[Anonymous]

my clinic also allowed collection at home. They suggested you keep the sample warm (keep it in a bag and hold it between your legs as you drive in) but it was not a problem.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been through 3 resh IVF cycles and he never has had to produce a sample at the clinic. For the first 2 fresh cycles (at GIVF) we used a special condom and then transported that with us to my egg retrieval appointment. For the the 3rd cycle (at Shady Grove) we collected at home in the cup and I "helped" him. All 3 times it made the process seem more natural and personal. The porn/masturbation route was something that was uncomfortable to both of us. Maybe your husband has reservations about it too? Hopefully you can talk about it and figure out why he has such a hard time around those days. There are other options if you ask. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP Im sorry you are dealing with this. I think your husband needs to grow up though. So much of this burden is already on you. My husband didn't relish this much part either but we always joked about and he would take photos of the "reading material" that would randomly show up in the bathroom in the drs office just to make me laugh. Pregnant on first IVF.

[Anonymous]

It may be too that your husband has a lot of emotion and thoughts about the whole ttc process but doesn't really have a forum to express them as he needs to be sweet and caring and take care of you all the time. He doesn't want to add additional stress to you and he is probably already walking on eggshells so he bottles it all up. Then in the moment that is the hardest for him, it all comes out as anger.

I think you need a frank discussion at a calm time to make sure this is what he really wants. He he really on board with this whole process, does he feel he could say he wasn't comfortable with it if he wanted to. How far does he really want to go with TTC. It may be hard for him to see what it is doing to you and maybe he needs a break from the ttc rollercoaster.

I strongly second this. My husband is FULLY on board with the whole TTC process, including IVF - but he's removed from it in a weird way. Not on purpose, but just because, let's face it - the woman has to go through most of the crap. So, at times, my husband "acted out" in weird ways that I didn't understand until we were able to have a really honest conversation about it. That didn't happen by me nagging him or by some calculated strategy - just eventually we got to the point in our (very long) struggle that he finally was able to talk about it.

In the end, TTC has brought my husband and I closer together - but to get there, we had many weird moments / times when we just weren't able to communicate well and had some of these same issues. OP - I know it's so challenging to humor your husband for getting pissy at YOU when you're doing most of the work - but I do urge patience. If your husband is anything like mine, he's struggling with this too and just doesn't know how to express it.

[Anonymous]

OP, my husband was the same way. The bottom line is that he was embarrassed and didn't want to do it and, therefore, he was in a bad mood for several days leading up to it, getting worse and worse as the day got closer. When DH is in a bad mood he gets snappy and we fight. I think he understood quite well that it was a necessary part of the process to have kids (something he definitely wanted) and that it wasn't my fault, but that didn't stop him from not wanting to do it and being in a crappy mood as a result.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand either. At SG, they encourage home samples. The more relaxed setting produces better results. This has been the subject of studies.

fwiw, my husband even hated the at home. I think it is unfair also, considering what we woman go through, but a lot of men are babies. I could be on death's door sick and he doesn't think it is any big deal. But if he gets the sniffles...oh boy the world is at end!

I also think the condom type thing should be more widely available. Not the perforated thing; that is a religious thing, and I would bet most drs would think it comprises the collection. maybe the issue is vaginal contamination (perforated or not).