Mine and My DH's sex life sucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to "want" each other or at least make a show of wanting each other. No one gets dibs or gets saddled with initiating sex. It's not just one party's responsibility.

OP, does he EVER initiate? Why would he say he wants to be the only person "wanted" what about you?

OP here. This is a hard question. He used to initiate it. He said he stopped b/c he is sick of getting turned down. .

Married man here. You just described my life.

Sexless marriage going on 7 years. No, I won't leave b/c of the kids.

It started this way, fwiw. I gave up. No one likes to be rejected. Now I don't even know how to approach my spouse.

[Anonymous]

What about telling him that when you wear something special to bed, that means that you want him and that he should take it from there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is kind of a generic question for all the threads about low sex or sexless marriages:

What does sex mean to you? We believe sex is a renewal of our wedding vows: free, faithful, fruitful, complete union. We both happen to physically need sex very often, but besides the physical aspect, we simply desire to become one person any time we possibly can, because that kind of intimacy is so awesome.

So that's something I don't understand, but I want to understand.

[ThatSmileyFaceGuy]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to "want" each other or at least make a show of wanting each other. No one gets dibs or gets saddled with initiating sex. It's not just one party's responsibility.

OP, does he EVER initiate? Why would he say he wants to be the only person "wanted" what about you?

OP here. This is a hard question. He used to initiate it. He said he stopped b/c he is sick of getting turned down. But, it is not as though I'm lying in bed and rolling over on him.. it's just that he was initiating sex at times when our kid was running around the living room or something - or other times where it would just be totally impractical to throw down.

And I tried to designate a day of the week like another poster suggested (Sunday nights), but I got flack for that b/c he said it made him feel like me having sex w/ him was a just another chore of mine to be done. I tried to explain that I wanted to designate a time b/c, w/ my hectic world (I'm a lawyer and my hourse can make life a little crazy), it made sex a priority. But, he still gets pissed if I try to set a day of the week.

I don't know what the hell to do.... I think this is potentially his self esteem issue. I'm trying to figure out if I've contributed to it (probably) and how best to resolve it. Which seems hard to do when my sex drive isn't that fantastic anyway, and the only way it really gets moving is to see him being strong and confident. Dammit.

Scheduled sex is ok as long as that isn't the only time when sex happens. That is when he is starting to feel like it was another checkmark on your "To Do" list
Also when he does things with the kids running amuck do you respond with a STOP or can we start this again after bedtime?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about telling him that when you wear something special to bed, that means that you want him and that he should take it from there?

I like that idea. Then it's like a game. He has to notice what you're wearing first, and then he can take it from there.

[Anonymous]

And OP some days, you just have to drop everything and "throw down", Yes the kids can wait and nothing you are doing at that moment is life or death that can't be shelved for a 5 minute quickie.

You don't have to be in the mood, and this doesn't have to be a frequent occurence but I've found that it helps my DH feel like he is important to me and he matters too, along with the kids, work and everything else. Half the time, I fake it but who cares, a little ego stroke for him goes a long way to smooth things over.