Why do so many Americans seem to dislike children?

[Anonymous]

I must be American because I hate the experience of a culture where kids are everywhere all the time, at all hours of the night.

[Anonymous]

I am an American, an I don't want to deal with other peoples children. I used to like them until I was hit by shopping carts in Shopper's while buying groceries and parents stood there and shrugged. I used to like them until I went to PG13 and R rated movies and 4 year olds were there, screaming because the movie was too scary and parents didn't leave with children who had no business at the movie in the first place. I used to like them until I was at a restaurant and a child running by my table smeared spaghetti sauce all over my skirt with her hands as she tripped and fell, screaming and disrupting an otherwise nice evening at not a family restaurant. Yes I have children, they go out, but they aren't allowed to act that way. I blame the parents but avoid their children. I don't know which ones know how to behave so I try to stay away from all of them. That's why.

[Anonymous]

Americans are very self-centered. (Some people prefer to call us "individualistic" and "self-motivated." Same difference.) We are less community and family oriented than other cultures. That translates into a constant irritation with children, because they inconvenience us as individuals.

[Anonymous]

OP this country is not the worst. Many Europeans are just as intolerant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I no means expect unruly children to be the norm. I am not the type of person to bring a child to a non kid friendly movie, or nice restaurant, or let them run around in a casual restaurant, nor would I ever bring kids to a function that is for adults only...I do understand that teaching your children to be well behaved in public is expected and obviously the correct thing to do.

That's the bottom line. We don't dislike children. We dislike children who are running around restaurants, screeching on planes, talking in (adult-oriented) movies... We dislike the kids that ruin it for everyone.

I was on a plane last week immediately behind two very small children -- and I didn't know it until we landed. I've been on planes before where I could hear the kid yapping 10 rows behind me, or feel his feet kicking my seat. That is something I should not have to put up with.

[Anonymous]

because Americans seem to think their kids can misbehave and call it "kids being kids." I am white american but I am on awe of all of the children I have seen abroad and particularly the asian children I see here- so well behaved. They never have meltdowns. They know when to sit quietly and how to interact with people of all ages. I don't think I am self centered because I don't want to listen to your child scream for no apparent reason, let you child kick my airplane seat, let your child pull my hair when I am waiting for a seat at a restaurant...

[Anonymous]

Many Americans have extended the period between college and child-rearing. As a consequence, a lot of people spend 10 or 15 years living in a world that mostly consists of work colleagues and their groups of friends from various spheres. Since people tend to socialize less as they have kids, and therefore drop out of these circles of friends, many 30-somethings inhabit an essentially childless world of work, bars, kickball, league, volunteering etc. They are then taken aback when they do encounter kids.

[Anonymous]

Those of us who can't afford an $80K wedding also cannot afford Mrs. Simpson's classes to prepare our children to behave properly at the $80K weddings.

By the way, I've been to top dollar weddings where little kids were invited. can't say they were enjoyable btw. the running around and screaming - So unless your guests are deaf and blind, it's best to keep them home.

Anonymous wrote:Having grown up in a culture in which kids are a part of all events, etc, I find it a bit disconcerting that over here, there seems to be this hostility towards children in a 'be seen but not heard' type of mentality.

I'm talking about things such as anger over babies crying on the airplane - well, that can't be helped, and everyone has the right to use the airport. People annoyed by kids in restaurants - are kids not allowed to be there until a certain age?? And any American wedding invitation, adult birthday party, baby shower, etc does not invite children. I get it that if you feel like you are spending alot of money on a function, you want it to be nice. I myself had an $80,000 wedding reception here with all the nice stuff and yes, still invited kids. I don't know...to me it's a celebration and i couldn't imagine telling my relatives and friends not to bring their kids because I don't want to be bothered.

Of course I certainly understand that there is a time and a place for kids and adults, but I mean, it really seems like over here, the culture in that regard is very unfriendly and unforgiving as far as children being involved.

[Anonymous]

I like my own kid and other people's well behaved kids. Some places just aren't appropriate for kids though. My wedding reception (which was much smaller and cheaper than OPs) would not have been one. The tone of the event was not consistent with having children around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many Americans have extended the period between college and child-rearing. As a consequence, a lot of people spend 10 or 15 years living in a world that mostly consists of work colleagues and their groups of friends from various spheres. Since people tend to socialize less as they have kids, and therefore drop out of these circles of friends, many 30-somethings inhabit an essentially childless world of work, bars, kickball, league, volunteering etc. They are then taken aback when they do encounter kids.

I think this has a lot to do with it too.

[Anonymous]

100% Italian here

I've never been to a relative's wedding where kids were invited.

teens, yes
kids, no

Home parties are different, of course, But anything fancy is off limits.

Anonymous wrote:I am American and I agree with you. Kids are sent to the basement and by the time they are teens they are hitting the liquor cabinet and parents wonder why.

I had a party recently and invited somebody with 3 boys. They send a very nice note saying this was the first time since they had children they felt comfortable at a party.

My H is Italian and when we get together there are kid and they are involved. They help cook and clean and they are part of the conversation. The older kids help with the younger kids and it is a community experience.

At my party I had very nice food but I am sure there is food kids will like - not fries and nuggets but maybe some pasta with butter or rolls with a chicken cutlet.

We make sure the kids are part of our environment and then the parents will go outside and be a part of their enjoyment - maybe a game of flag football or something.

Parents often don't want to be bothered. Kids do need to give the parents some time to talk to their friends and not interrupt but if you sit them in the basement with XBox they don't understand how to do that without being banished.

My kids are loud and fun and interesting. They still know how to talk and act in public. They know there is a different way to act at Wing Hub vs. Blacks.

[Anonymous]

Because acknowledging that children are dependent beings with needs that might deserve to be put ahead of adult wishes at times opens up the possibility that *gasp* it might also be the right thing to do to consider the needs of other adults ahead of your own from time to time. That's anathema to Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am American and I agree with you. Kids are sent to the basement and by the time they are teens they are hitting the liquor cabinet and parents wonder why.

I had a party recently and invited somebody with 3 boys. They send a very nice note saying this was the first time since they had children they felt comfortable at a party.

My H is Italian and when we get together there are kid and they are involved. They help cook and clean and they are part of the conversation. The older kids help with the younger kids and it is a community experience.

At my party I had very nice food but I am sure there is food kids will like - not fries and nuggets but maybe some pasta with butter or rolls with a chicken cutlet.

We make sure the kids are part of our environment and then the parents will go outside and be a part of their enjoyment - maybe a game of flag football or something.

Parents often don't want to be bothered. Kids do need to give the parents some time to talk to their friends and not interrupt but if you sit them in the basement with XBox they don't understand how to do that without being banished.

My kids are loud and fun and interesting. They still know how to talk and act in public. They know there is a different way to act at Wing Hub vs. Blacks.

I'm sorry, there is nothing more annoying than having an adult conversation with someone and then to have their teen/tween constantly answer for the mother/father and/or completely derail the conversation at hand. Kids have their place, in the next room with other kids.

[Anonymous]

They're loud.
They're all over the place.
They smell.

[Anonymous]

I think there's something to the OP's point and that's it not all just about children going berserk. I think it's more common in American culture than some others for there to be more segregation between generations in general. I'm Hispanic, and where I come from most events are multigenerational. For example, holiday parties are always full-family events, even NYEve celebrations, with everybody from grandparents to grandkids partying past midnight, even if it's a more formal party. We have quinceanera parties where 3 or 4 generations are on the dance floor together. I grew up dancing salsa and merengue with dad, uncles, cousins. My husband always spends some time dancing with my mom at Christmas parties. Parents were even invited and partying the night away at my senior prom!

In cultures like mine, there is just a lot more socializing between the generations and therefore a greater tolerance for having kids around. As a result, you're less likely to get the evil eye if your kid acts up; people seem more inclined to give it a pass and not feel like your kid is a personal insult to your "adult time."