Competitive Grandmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing to remeber is to allow them to be grandparents - and grandparents are allowed to spoil their grandchildren if they chose to.

A girlfriend had a conversation with her mother about limiting the stuff that the grandmother was purchasing - and the grandmother broke down crying saying that they were not allowing her to be a grandmother. Of course this assumes that they have the means and are not going broke int he process.


Since my mom / inlaws are going to purchase things anyway, I always have a list of things that my children need so that they are welcome to use that as guidance. (Fall winter PJs, socks and other things that are not so sexy are on the list)

I disagree with this. Grandparents need to reinforce the values that are important to a child's development. You can find a million ways to love a child without spoiling them. DS's grandparents have had plenty of opportunity to drown DS in gifts, but they have not felt the need to do it.

I think this is largely dependent on geography. When your grandma lives on the other side of the country, and you see her once or twice a year... I think spoiling is totally appropriate. When your grandma is local and/or more visible, she will have much more of an impact on the child's development, and needs to assist with "parenting" issues such as discipline, love, etc.

[Anonymous]

Why is it okay to spoil kids under any circumstances? I think there are times when it is nice -- and who doesn't like being spoiled sometimes -- but it shouldn't be a regular thing or to be expected. I don't believe that the job of a GP is to spoil my child and if so, spoil with love rather than possessions.

We also have a small living space so I had to say right up front that we didn't want anything too big and only wanted stuff that was age appropriate. (Buying golf clubs before the baby was even born is inappropriate!) We just don't have room for that kind of stuff. We asked that if they bought stuff like this or other stuff that was not appropriate for DCs age to store it at their own home until baby was ready for it. So they have ... They have mentioned that they have a "stash" of items at their home and have even bought stuff to keep at their home, although have never really asked us how we feel about leaving our baby with them for any period of time. Before baby was born (and I think even conceived) step MIL and MIL made comments like "You should go away for the weekend and enjoy yourselves and leave the baby with us." When I asked if that's what they did theyt both said no and have nt really said much -- yet -- since. Step MIL also said before baby was conceived, "You're not going to be one of those parents that never leaves your child anywhere, are you?" I didn't know what to say, but actually, I think I might be, at least for now. DC is just a baby, at 8 mos I am still EBF and has never even been to their home. We both work FT so really have no desire to leave baby anywhere we don't have to. But I digress. Anyway, I know the stash at their home is filled with impulse buys and all sorts of clothing that may or may not ever fit or be the right season for it. (Think outlet shopping... but that 3T winter jacket was only $13.00. It may never fit DC but it was only $13.) In a way I am dredding the holidays because afterwards we will have to figure out what to do with all the stuff that we don't want or is inappropriate. I know that may sound crazy but the holidays were kind of like this before baby and now I am just anticipating insanity when it comes to gift giving from them this year. We are very practical people. And sorry, I digress again but... why do they give us gifts of things to decorate the nursery with when we clearly have already decorated the nursery very nicely, IMO? ILs have given us several gifts of things to hang on the walls or decorate the dresser top or bookcase with (that don't even match the theme we chose). (Note they have not given us any books yet.) Then they say things like I thought this would look nice in the baby's room or I got this for you to hang in the baby's room. I politely say thank you and then stick it in the closet. Luckily they're not so totally outright pushy to ask me about it so hopefully after they don't see the items hanging in the nursery that they will get the idea. I hate to seem ungrateful but it's just too much and there's only so many drawers/closets to stuff stuff in! We did open a college fund and keep a wish list of items such as books, music, toys, etc so hopefully they will find it useful. Some of the ILs do contribute to the college fund, which we made clear was always our first choice of gift, but after they contribute there then they think it's okay to go ape in all other respects. I sense a discussion will be coming on either before or after the holidays this year. UGGGHHH.