How do I keep my 3 year old from running into the street?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The defiance thing can be easily figured out if you follow through early and often. If you say one more time and this will happen, and than issue 4 more warnings, their tuning you out. No empty threats. Kids learn in school, they will learn at home if you are consistent.

Not the pp to whom you are responding, but all I can say is, "Ahhhhhhh, the stunning arrogance of a parent who does not have an innately defiant child!"

You are simply unbelievable. I bet you have the child that will laugh in you face by the immature way you responded to the pp. You kid's mom just answered ahhhh, instead of making a valid debatable point. If you disagree, than disagree, but learn to do it in a constructive, teach people something way. If you think defiance is not something that you can get a grip on, than your welcome to multiply the difficulty you face in years to come. We nipped it early. We give positive reinforcement all the time, but on occasions when we need him to do what we ask, there is not choice. You will probably respond back with nananana boo boo.

[Anonymous]

To OP: when safety is an issue, he is to be picked up THE FIRST TIME and either placed in car/house/stroller (kicking and screaming the whole way). BUT before that, he is THREE, so ask him what some fun ways would be to stay next to mommy. Would he like to hold your pocket? Would he like to hold your purse strap? Would he like to hold one of your fingers, not the whole hand? When you both agree on the plan, BRIEFLY talk about what should happen when he breaks the rule...ie car/stroller/house. Your child is in a deep power struggle with you and is clearly winning when you are planning your day around him. Prepare to take trips you are ready to abort to help train him, and whatever you do, NO LECTURES. Only action. Long discussions of danger and safety are lost on three year olds. My VERY willful four year old would run away and I would continue to pick her and bring her into the house until we all felt she could handle it. Long and boring and FRUSTRATING, but better than a smushed kid or a miserable trip.

I suggest further advice on not power struggling with your child...get some books and get DH on same page.

GOOD LUCK!

[Anonymous]

We told ours in a calm manner at home if he behaved that way, we were coming immediately home, and he would be home for the day. We explained exactly what we meant, for example sitting on the curb was enough to come home (wouldn't allow it to escalate). And then at home, there would be no tv. No playing. No nothing. Let him stare at a wall all day long, and we went completely nuts, but at last he knew we meant it. We asked if he understood and he did. He tried it within 10 minutes of our stop and we went immediately home. Calm and firm. It was AWFUL. he ranted, raved...total day from hell. It happened twice more, and then it was completely over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We told ours in a calm manner at home if he behaved that way, we were coming immediately home, and he would be home for the day. We explained exactly what we meant, for example sitting on the curb was enough to come home (wouldn't allow it to escalate). And then at home, there would be no tv. No playing. No nothing. Let him stare at a wall all day long, and we went completely nuts, but at last he knew we meant it. We asked if he understood and he did. He tried it within 10 minutes of our stop and we went immediately home. Calm and firm. It was AWFUL. he ranted, raved...total day from hell. It happened twice more, and then it was completely over.

Exactly, if were so concerned about our child crying that we don't follow through, than we won't get this result. Good job. It's amazing how it works and they will respect the boundaries if you make them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, not a glamorous, sexy post or one to get a lot of hits, but I'm really struggling w/ this problem. My 3 yo boy is very active, has a mind of his own, and has a lot of trouble listening when we're in public. He'll sit down on dirty street and try to squirm away (while we're holding his hand of course), tries to run away (sometimes succeeds), does not always stop when we yell "FREEZE!", laughs when we try to put him in time out, etc, etc. It's maddening not to mention heart stopping if there are cars around. It gets to the point where we just don't take him places if we think he's going to have a bad day.

How do other parents handle this with young children, particulary those like I've described?

Thank you!

Wow, ok, why are you letting your daily lives revolve around whether you think your son will have a bad day?!? Not trying to be judgemental here, but it seems like your DS has you wrapped around his little fingers. He needs to understand who's in charge, and you need to be willing to let him know that you are the Big Kahuna, no matter what. If he laughs at the prospect of time-out, let you be the one to have the last laugh. When it comes to safety, there's no negotiating. It seems to me that he needs some Discipline-101 training at home, at the most basic levels. This may seem silly, but watch Nanny-911 for some good tips - plenty of good scenarios there for take-home training. A laugh at time out means to just keep doing it over and over again until your child finally understands that there's no monkey-business involved. And he'll understand eventually, too, that the same applies outside the house as well as inside.

As far as safety, we too live on a busy street. Each day I'm always kneeling down and speaking to him at that level before we head outside, emphasizing the importance for why my DS needs to be by my side and cognizant of the cars around him. He seems to do well, though I never take for granted that he totally understands what I mean. It's scary, they're fast little critters and alot of harm can come their way in such a short bit of time, so I never let him out beyond me for more than a quick run's reach. But if he doesn't listen to me and doesn't do what I tell him to do (cut out the "freeze" stuff, just tell him to STOP and keep it simple, "freeze" makes it seem like a big game to kids), then he's in big trouble, ie time out and his favorite toy taken away. We've had very few problems, while at the same time allowing him to enjoy his 3 year-old freedom.

[Anonymous]

I have a 3.5 y/o strong willed boy. When he was younger, I would pick him up if he tried to run. When he was walking well, I insisted that he hold my hand whenever crossing the street. If he refused, I would grab his hand. He might writhe to the ground and start to have a tantrum, but I wouldn't let go. Finally, he would give up and stop trying to take his hand away. I started explaining why it was dangerous. Now he is 3.5 and he knows he needs to stay on the sidewalk. He can either walk beside me or hold my hand. In general, if I make a request, I will repeat only once. Then I say that if I have to ask one more time, then he will lose a privilege or a toy. He acts right away. If we are out and he isn't listening e.g., walking beside me or wanting to hold my hand, then I tell him we will need to go home right away. I will follow through.

I think, OP, that you need to determine what consequences will occur if he does not heed you and follow through everytime. Eventually your son will respect what you say. Keep in mind that you don't need to feel guilty about being firm and setting limits - they want and need you to set limits and everyone will appreciate that you did so when he is an adult.

[Anonymous]

I agree with most of the pp's suggestions about setting limits and boundries and then following through. My DH is the one who wants to cave all of the time, but he sees the benefit of following thru with your stated expecations to our DD. She's only 2.5, but fairly well-behaved. We still have tantrums and breakdowns once in awhile, but for the most part she listens when we say things are "non-negotiable". My mom and sister made fun of us when I said to my then 2yo that is was non-negotiable to run away from me and play on the luggage carousal when picking them up from the airport. However, they were impressed when she understood that word meant we were not kidding around with our request. You can use any word you want, but the consistency of that word and then following through on whatever we were asking her to do helped her understand what we mean.

The suggestions that I disagree with are the threat to take your DC home if they don't listen. If you are doing something specifically fun for DC (park etc) then that might work. However, if you are running errands (grocery store, etc) my DD would say OKAY! We try to balance our lives with DC-focused activities and required activities, but RARELY let her dictate when we come and go places based on her behavior.

[Anonymous]

I have two boys. 2 and 4. The 4 year old is a good kid, very obedient, shy, etc. The 2 year old is also a good kid, but can be terribly strong willed and defiant.

This is my honest opinion: I know spankings are not popular these days, but I have spanked (and by spanked, I mean 1-2 swats on the behind, OVER their pants/diaper) BOTH of my kids for this behavior. I only had to do it once each. And I "got in their face" about it. It was, to date, the most severe reaction they've seen by me. But it worked, and I have never regretted my decision to spank them for this. We do time outs, etc. for other bad behavior... but it my mind, this one is different.

This is dangerous behavior. If you cannot trust your child not to run in the street, do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get your point across. Clearly time outs/restraints are not working. It's time to put the fear of God in them. Especially for a 3 year old.

My kids know exactly what lines I enforce, and how I enforce them. They know that when they jump on the couch, they MIGHT get away with it if Mommy's had a long day... but running in the street doesn't even cross their mind anymore, because they KNOW that Mommy will not hesitate to get out the big guns for that one. When we go on walks, I remind them of the rules. The rules are stricter when we're outside. They need to stop and wait for me when I call them. Even on that, I'm pretty tough.

Good luck to you. But really, better a spanked bottom then a dead child.

But I agree with the others... if your child is routinely laughing in your face when you discipline him, you might need to revisit your discipline strategies. It sounds like its not working.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was very defiant at that age. She got away in a parking lot. I wasn't holding her hand tight enough when I was fumbling with the keys in the door. I was yelling and running after her, but she kept laughing and running in between cars and into the drive path. She almost got hit by a car. They simply do not understand the danger and think it is a game when you are chasing them.

We went with a leash after that. She still tried to run off, but landed on her butt every time. It took a month or two of this until it passed and we did away with the leash.

Maybe some parents have luck with a spanking or heart to heart, but my daughter is incredibly stubborn and I didn't want serious injury or death to be her lesson.

[Anonymous]

OP Here: Just a thank you to those who offered constructive and non-judgmental advice. To those who did neither, clearly you are in this for the sport of putting down others. Nice pastime.

Honestly while I don't agree with all of it (spanking, grabbing his arm till it hurts, etc.) I think there were some intelligent methods proposed to help get the situation under better control. Much of it we are already doing actually, but it doesn't hurt to hear it re-iterated by other caring parents out there.

With any luck this post has helped others with ideas to keep their children safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys. 2 and 4. The 4 year old is a good kid, very obedient, shy, etc. The 2 year old is also a good kid, but can be terribly strong willed and defiant.

This is my honest opinion: I know spankings are not popular these days, but I have spanked (and by spanked, I mean 1-2 swats on the behind, OVER their pants/diaper) BOTH of my kids for this behavior. I only had to do it once each. And I "got in their face" about it. It was, to date, the most severe reaction they've seen by me. But it worked, and I have never regretted my decision to spank them for this. We do time outs, etc. for other bad behavior... but it my mind, this one is different.

This is dangerous behavior. If you cannot trust your child not to run in the street, do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get your point across. Clearly time outs/restraints are not working. It's time to put the fear of God in them. Especially for a 3 year old.

My kids know exactly what lines I enforce, and how I enforce them. They know that when they jump on the couch, they MIGHT get away with it if Mommy's had a long day... but running in the street doesn't even cross their mind anymore, because they KNOW that Mommy will not hesitate to get out the big guns for that one. When we go on walks, I remind them of the rules. The rules are stricter when we're outside. They need to stop and wait for me when I call them. Even on that, I'm pretty tough.


Ugh...these are not good ideas. What do you do when they are 11? 13? When they can hit you back, run away, tell you to f%ck off? This is not a parenting strategy, this is a power play, which your kid if fighting against already. More conflict is NOT what is needed with a willfull child, creative solutions are required and NONE of them should be physically intimidating.

Good luck to you. But really, better a spanked bottom then a dead child.

But I agree with the others... if your child is routinely laughing in your face when you discipline him, you might need to revisit your discipline strategies. It sounds like its not working.

[Anonymous]

My parents tell me that when my brother hit this stage (after having his hearing tested because they were sure there was something wrong with a kid who just wouldn't listen), my dad took him on a walk around the neighborhood and showed him all the dead squirrels and birds, and one cat, that had been hit by cars. At the end of the walk, my brother was crying about all the dead animals and he never ran into the street again. Seems a little harsh, but they said it was amazingly effective.

[Anonymous]

Whatever happens, DO NOT SPANK, THREATEN, or PHYSICALLY INTIMIDATE a willfull child or any child for that matter. B/c you can does not mean you should. What are you going to do when they are 11? 13? When they can hit back, run away, tell you to f*ck off? It is not a strategy for parenting. It is a strategy to make a spirited child more willful or you are simply trying to break them all together. A power struggle is NEVER dealt with best with intimidation. Grabbing arms, spanking, yelling all leads to humiliation, disrespect, and more power struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happens, DO NOT SPANK, THREATEN, or PHYSICALLY INTIMIDATE a willfull child or any child for that matter. B/c you can does not mean you should. What are you going to do when they are 11? 13? When they can hit back, run away, tell you to f*ck off? It is not a strategy for parenting. It is a strategy to make a spirited child more willful or you are simply trying to break them all together. A power struggle is NEVER dealt with best with intimidation. Grabbing arms, spanking, yelling all leads to humiliation, disrespect, and more power struggling.

And if a parent is effective in setting limits, none of it is necessary.
People often equate being tough with spanking but they're not the same thing.