If you lost your mom when you were young...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think birthday cards and letters for different stages of their lives would be wonderful.

And yes, it reminds them on each birthday of their loss and could be a real downer.

I think the idea is nice, but I don't know if you want to re-open a wound each year.

Or it could have this impact:
"Op I know its not the same as a mom, but my aunt died six years ago right after I started dating my now husband. My mom gave me a card the night before our wedding that my aunt wrote me before she died. It certainly made me cry, but the fact that she thought ahead of me to have a small part of her there for my wedding day will live with me forever. It was the best feeling I could hear her voice so clearly as I read it. That card was the best gift I will ever receive "

[Anonymous]

I lost my mom when I was 17. She died of brain cancer, and I was by her side every step of the way. It was devastating, but I am grateful that she and my father allowed me to be present to everything. Some of the sweetest and worst minutes of my life were packed into the two years she lived with cancer.

First, I want to encourage you to focus on living. I'm sure you're terrified of the possibility of losing this battle, but medicine is amazing and human will is powerful and I hope you can focus on pulling through this - for you, and for your family.

And next, I wanted to weigh in on the card debate. My mom left me a number of letters and cards, and I am grateful for every single one. She wasn't at my high school graduation, but I got a card from her that day. Same thing when I turned 21. And when I got married. And a few other moments that she selected to prepare notes/cards for. I looked forward to and cherished her "presence" at those events SO F'N MUCH. Sure her notes made me cry, they still do, but I could feel her with her, and cherish her loving presence, and it was SO SO SO worth the pain.

One of the most meaningful gestures: my mom actually bought a present for my first child. I didn't even know about it for 14 years, but when my daughter was born (how the #($* did my mom know it was going to be a girl, but she got the gender right), I received a beautiful blanket and dress that my mom had purchased and wrapped and left with her best friend 15 years prior. My mom never got to know my kids, but she remains present in our lives every day - and that gift meant the world to me and both my children and I now cherish it.

[Anonymous]

I lost my mother to cancer at 14. It was a long time ago, and my family isolated me from most of what was going on and didn't talk about it. I have always been upset by this. I think being as open with your kids as possible is the best policy. Good luck OP. I pray you will get through this experience and come out of it with you and your family even stronger!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost my mom when I was 17. She died of brain cancer, and I was by her side every step of the way. It was devastating, but I am grateful that she and my father allowed me to be present to everything. Some of the sweetest and worst minutes of my life were packed into the two years she lived with cancer.

First, I want to encourage you to focus on living. I'm sure you're terrified of the possibility of losing this battle, but medicine is amazing and human will is powerful and I hope you can focus on pulling through this - for you, and for your family.

And next, I wanted to weigh in on the card debate. My mom left me a number of letters and cards, and I am grateful for every single one. She wasn't at my high school graduation, but I got a card from her that day. Same thing when I turned 21. And when I got married. And a few other moments that she selected to prepare notes/cards for. I looked forward to and cherished her "presence" at those events SO F'N MUCH. Sure her notes made me cry, they still do, but I could feel her with her, and cherish her loving presence, and it was SO SO SO worth the pain.

One of the most meaningful gestures: my mom actually bought a present for my first child. I didn't even know about it for 14 years, but when my daughter was born (how the #($* did my mom know it was going to be a girl, but she got the gender right), I received a beautiful blanket and dress that my mom had purchased and wrapped and left with her best friend 15 years prior. My mom never got to know my kids, but she remains present in our lives every day - and that gift meant the world to me and both my children and I now cherish it.

God bless your mom's sweet heart. I am teary right now thinking of how it must have pained her to know she wouldn't be there for those moments but still had the strength to "live" them with you. She sounds like a wonderful lady.

[Anonymous]

I don't have experience with this, but if anything ever happened to me, and I worry that it will - there are ways for her to see our relationship. I have facebook with a zillion pictures of us and many many updates on her. I have a journal that she can read and a pregnancy journal. I hope you get through this OP.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP. I wasn't really young when I lost my mom (24) but I really wish she had had time to write me a letter or record a video/audio recording. There are sometimes when I would give anything just to hear her voice. I remember calling my parents house over and over again just to hear the answering machine and how I sobbed when my dad finally changed the message.

I think just something that says you love them and how proud you are of them. They will cherish it.

I wish you well in your fight. I hope you kick cancer's ass.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think it's healthy to dwell on these thoughts. I am a stage 2 cancer survivor myself. I was diagnosed when my son was one, so I've had/have the same fears. It's not helpful, really. It's a dark place. Try and focus on getting through your treatment and spending quality time with your family. It's okay to cry, be sad, afraid - all of that BUT please know that there are many of us cancer survivors out there. We fight. We survive. I hope that for you as well. I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

I would also suggest journaling, whether through a blog to keep your friends updated or privately to share with your children only someday, what you are going through and the thoughts you have about how this will affect them, and just the funny everyday things you continue to experience with them as you go through treatment. It will be wonderful for your children to have someday whatever the outcome and it will provide them insight when they are older as to how you loved them throughout this experience.

Also, if you get a bad prognosis, expect the best but prepare for the worst. It is much harder to prepare for the worst while it is happening.

Wishing you strength through your fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost my mom when I was 17. She died of brain cancer, and I was by her side every step of the way. It was devastating, but I am grateful that she and my father allowed me to be present to everything. Some of the sweetest and worst minutes of my life were packed into the two years she lived with cancer.

First, I want to encourage you to focus on living. I'm sure you're terrified of the possibility of losing this battle, but medicine is amazing and human will is powerful and I hope you can focus on pulling through this - for you, and for your family.

And next, I wanted to weigh in on the card debate. My mom left me a number of letters and cards, and I am grateful for every single one. She wasn't at my high school graduation, but I got a card from her that day. Same thing when I turned 21. And when I got married. And a few other moments that she selected to prepare notes/cards for. I looked forward to and cherished her "presence" at those events SO F'N MUCH. Sure her notes made me cry, they still do, but I could feel her with her, and cherish her loving presence, and it was SO SO SO worth the pain.

One of the most meaningful gestures: my mom actually bought a present for my first child. I didn't even know about it for 14 years, but when my daughter was born (how the #($* did my mom know it was going to be a girl, but she got the gender right), I received a beautiful blanket and dress that my mom had purchased and wrapped and left with her best friend 15 years prior. My mom never got to know my kids, but she remains present in our lives every day - and that gift meant the world to me and both my children and I now cherish it.

Oh wow totally bawling now. What an amazing mother you have.

[Anonymous]

i have a friend who passed with two young kids and she left them cards and videos for lots of milestones and times, and gifts.

when her passing become clear and it was a waiting game she spent her time making and leaving memories.

she took the kids everywhere and took pictures and made memories for the girls to look back on.

they made plans for how life would work when she was gone and hte kids would not have a sahm anymore.

They made lists and talked about all the things that she wanted for the kids so dad would have a better idea of Im doing what WE would have done instead of worry what would mom have done.

[Anonymous]

I was 4 when my mother died and the youngest of 4 children spanning age 4 to 16. I am very close to one of my aunts and 2 of my Dad's best friends (one male, one female) because they were what held my Dad together and took care of us. I actually call my Aunt "Momma" to this day because of the role she filled.

My mother left me a gift for every birthday and Christmas she would miss til I was 18. I also had a gift for my college graduation. She left a note with each and the gifts were mostly her things-a bracelet, necklace, pearl earrings, jewelry box, books. I would advise against leaving directive videos of yourself. It's nice watching videos of us as children at birthday parties and holidays, but having someone sit down and talk to you before you die is a little creepy.

Plan ahead for your children. Ask family to be active early on, spend some quality time with each child, create a physical memory they can see and touch. They will struggle with it over the years, but they will be okay. I didn't walk at my high school graduation, but I graduated from college 30 years after my parents from the same school and in the same building and decided I could handle it that time. I eloped because I didn't have my mom to help plan my wedding. Some days and some events are harder to survive than others, but I am okay and I know the next day is usually better.

Good luck with however things proceed.