15 year old girl - help!

[Anonymous]

Definitely don't let her drive yet. My daughter had a quick temper at that age. The first time she slammed on the brakes on the car, in anger, was the last time she drove for a year.

Why would you be embarrassed by this? It's a problem you really need to look into. She needs help and the only shame would be in not having the strength to face it.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree to get her checked by a psychiatrist, but that said, you still need to be very careful not to feed into it.

The key is giving yourself an out if she goes into drama mode for example can you leave her behind? Make arrangements before hand to park her so you are not held hostage. I have a 10 year old that loves, loves to stoke conflict when she is board and once we quit focusing on her drama most, though not all stopped.

[Anonymous]

When my daughter was that age, she had a fiery temper and would go into rants. For me, the least stressful way for me to deal with it was to completely zone out until it passed. I would stare at her blankly, not say a word, but in my head I was slowly counting, counting, counting... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5..., etc.

That was the easiest way for me to ignore it and not be drawn into it. Once her tirade passed, I resumed my interaction with her as if nothing had happened.

She is 18 now and has completely outgrown the verbal tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that slapping herself, screaming like she is possessed and screaming Don't hit me all go beyond normal teen angst.

What are the stressors in her life right now other than being 15? Were there any big life events recently?

I third the suggestion to have her mental health assessed to see if there is an actual problem that needs support. Nothing to be embarrassed about - 1 in 5 youth have a mental health problem of some type.

Agree that you should see psychologist and I would reframe to try not to be embarrassed - you want to communicate to her this is an absolutely normal, appropriate, necessary thing to do- you don't want her to feel embarrassed either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my daughter was that age, she had a fiery temper and would go into rants. For me, the least stressful way for me to deal with it was to completely zone out until it passed. I would stare at her blankly, not say a word, but in my head I was slowly counting, counting, counting... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5..., etc.

That was the easiest way for me to ignore it and not be drawn into it. Once her tirade passed, I resumed my interaction with her as if nothing had happened.

She is 18 now and has completely outgrown the verbal tantrums.

I like this idea. Sometimes the oldest most basic advice (count to 10) is the best.

[Anonymous]

The types of outbursts you describe are not really normal. Take her aside during a calm time and be frank with her. Ask her if she would like some help. Sometimes kids are crying out for that and will agree to talk with someone else rather than put up with us crazy parents If she declines, remind her that you might have to bring in someone else if things don't improve.

And I second the idea of reminding her what the consequences of these outbursts could be. If she is truly just being a drama queen, that might help convince her to pull herself together.

[Anonymous]

OP here, and, I truly appreciate all the suggestions so far. The permit is on hold. Meanwhile, plans have been made to have her see someone when she returns from vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and, I truly appreciate all the suggestions so far. The permit is on hold. Meanwhile, plans have been made to have her see someone when she returns from vacation.

Sounds like you have a good plan for moving forward. Good luck with it. I think you are doing the right thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and, I truly appreciate all the suggestions so far. The permit is on hold. Meanwhile, plans have been made to have her see someone when she returns from vacation.

Good for you, OP! Hang in there, I'm sure it will work itself out if you stay on top of it. Teens can be so challenging, but they really do grow up and into mature adults eventually. My daughter is 26 now and had a stormy adolescence, but we are very close now and I cherish our relationship.

[Anonymous]

I actually remember being this age and having waves of anger wash over me that seemed to have no reason. I was horrible to my mom. I remember asking myself why I was so damn angry, and I really didn't have a good answer.

Now, as a parent of small kids, I really see a similarity between what I felt as an adolescent and my kids as young toddlers. Waves of emotions that seem uncontrollable.

I like PP's counting technique which, essentially, sounds like a modified toddler technique!