s / o on housekeeper question

[Anonymous]

OP- We had a housekeeper who sounds very similar to yours. Things were fine and dandy before we had kids and I was in the office all day. DH & I were never home, so our house was pretty clean to begin with. Then when I started SAH, we got a little too friendly. I'm not sure if she resented me or thought I was nice so she could take advantage of me. I'd keep buying non-toxic green products, but she'd bring in her own bleach no matter how many times I asked her not to. She also threw everything in the toy boxes if we left anything lying around. We noticed that the house wasn't getting as clean as it had been and she'd be rushing through the job. We tried talking to about these things repeatadly, but she'd be right back to her old way the next visit.

It got to the point where I was annoyed every week when she came, yet I couldn't bring myself to let her go because I felt sorry for her (she is a single mom with 2 teenagers who were always getting into trouble). This went on for several YEARS. Finally, we let her go and got a cleaning service. Nothing they do annoys me and they are always open and willing to take instructions to do something differently.

[Anonymous]

OMG, the laundry basket idea is simply BRILLIANT. That could actually resolve some major problems. I definitely don't care that it might mean things from everywhere are in a basket. That would be so much better than the alternative and I can't believe that in three years I did not think of this as a solution.

PP who just posted, I wonder if we DO have the same housekeeper? My housekeeper has more than two kids though. I don't know what we'll do in the longterm, but in the short term, we'll definitely do the laundry basket.

And if she's a DCUM reader, I think she'll know it's us! Because next time she comes I'll be all "hey, can you use this basket for stray items?"

[Anonymous]

I must be the odd one out here, my cleaner prefers to use vinegar but I don't feel my bathroom is clean without bleach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, the laundry basket idea is simply BRILLIANT. That could actually resolve some major problems. I definitely don't care that it might mean things from everywhere are in a basket. That would be so much better than the alternative and I can't believe that in three years I did not think of this as a solution.

PP who just posted, I wonder if we DO have the same housekeeper? My housekeeper has more than two kids though. I don't know what we'll do in the longterm, but in the short term, we'll definitely do the laundry basket.

And if she's a DCUM reader, I think she'll know it's us! Because next time she comes I'll be all "hey, can you use this basket for stray items?"

You're welcome. I do hope that helps remove one of the irritations with your current situation and maybe makes the relationship more tolerable.

[Anonymous]

Hi, I just read through all the posts and was laughing, because the lining up after dusting thing is absolutely a standard....at least that is my experience. Also, laughing about the one who makes towers, including bags of goldfish....

I have a different problem. I am a SAHM. We are fortunate to have a very large home, more than I can handle. As my daughter is gone most of the day, I am here alone with the housekeeper, 3 full, 2 half days a week. She has been with us for about 3 months. Prior to that I had had someone who was very bossy, loud and not very loving towards my daughter. The new housekeeper came from a very difficult situation, where she was treated very poorly. I was very sympathetic to how badly her former employer had treated her. The first week she showed up on time, wore a nice neat outfit and was extremely professional. Being home alone with another woman is very difficult, and while I could handle employees in a business setting, it is a lot harder when you are standing there in a bathrobe with one eye open. I seem to have a problem with not setting good boundaries, and this is an ongoing problem, and I have been taken advantage of over and over, but I know a huge part is my unwillingness to treat people who work in my home as employees and not friends.

Fast forward a few months, she is way too comfortable, the "neat" appearance has gone the way of a sloppy t-shirt, sweats and bare feet, she shows up at least 15 minutes late every day.
Part of me thinks I should let this slide because she also stays late so I feel that is kind of a wash. But I think it speaks to the overall casual approach she has taken towards me and the job. The main issue is that she will corner me and talk to me about her personal issues non-stop, to the point of following me out to the car. I feel responsible because I was friendly towards her and did ask her about her life, but now I have become her "go to" girl. She is a good cleaner, kind and I want this to work. I have been hiding out in my master bedroom all week because I feel trapped....and the minute she sees me she starts to launch into a diatribe about her life and issues. We are the same age. I offered her advice about a few issues and now I could kick myself because in a way I set her up to see me as a friend and not an employer. Has anyone else had the same issue?

I don't think I have the guts to sit down and talk about such a personal issue with her. I have tried leaving notes, but I can see this disintegrating quickly, the minute she sees me she launches into a "therapy session". Today I had my arms full on the steps and was trying to go upstairs and she just kept talking about one of her personal issues. Yesterday I was rushing out and writing a note to a dishwasher repair man and she just kept talking while I was writing, it killed me because I felt so rude.

I also know that she is doing personal errands (not major) when she is out. 10 minutes here or there not a big deal, but because everything else is slipping so fast I have a feeling this is going to keep going that way too. She now goes out to get breakfast after she drops my daughter off at school. I pay her by the hour, very well. Would love any advice....

[Anonymous]

Not the OP but I have a similar housecleaner issue--she puts things in strange places, puts all the kids' toys up (on the sofa, etc) in order to vacuum and then doesn't put them back on the floor after she's finished, so I come home to find all the toys neatly lined up on top of the sofa/coffee table and have to take them down myself . . .she doesn't do laundry or change the beds, she washes ALL the dishes by hand instead of putting the into the dishwasher . . .And on top of it, there's a language issue b/c she doesn't speak English very well, so I'm never quite sure if we're communicating clearly to one another. Once she just didn't show up--I called to see what was up, and it turned out that one of her other clients had called to reschedule and she thought it was me.

On the other hand, she's incredibly sweet and mostly dependable and trustworthy. So I just don't know whether to keep her on or not.